heartorn

Rewind March this year found out my son is addicted to painkillers he stole 10,000 dollars from his father my ex husband. I help him find rehab eight days later he wants to come home. I pick him up and he stays with me. Life is wonderful but I am very controlling of where he goes and who he sees just because he wasn't in rehab long enough it is my opinion he needs to be away from drug friends. He told me rehab was dirty and drugs were everywhere. I buy the story because honestly I was very unimpressed with the rehab facility. I let him go back to live with his father in may due to his insistence and my desire to trust him. I do know the area is laden with drug abusers. but my son is bored in the farm country. He stats avoiding me, I start noticing changes. He starts using my credit card for purchases he did not ask to make. He only calls when he wants money. he once again has cysts on his face and he's lost weight. I call his father and tell him my concerns. Drug test ensues. Son addicted to heroine track marks and six bag a day habit. He willingly goes to rehab 09/14. Today 09/24 phone call son wants to come home. I refuse to pick him up he hangs up. I call his best friend who was unaware of heroin habit but knows he is stealing cell phones where he works and that he recently asked him for bath salts. I just don't know what to do where to turn or what to do. I love my son more then anything but so don't want to be co dependent or enabling but really want to help him the right way. He is furious I will not pick him up. Of course I want to but won't because of the dire consequences. I think telling him this is his choice to get clean or not but I will not help him in any way if he does not complete program. Fear is he will leave and go live with other users. Opinions please?

least

It sounds like you've helped him a lot, maybe too much. If it were me, I'd let him face the music on his own. He can't be trusted so it's his job to earn back people's trust. Doesn't sound like he wants to do that. Let him feel the consequences of his actions.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm sorry for the situation with your son.

I hope you find support for yourself here at SR and You might consider AlAnon or Nar-Anon as a support for yourself.

These are our forums for Friends & Families:

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

heartorn

Thank you Least. I agree. I think it is time I get tough with him and let him face consequences. I told him I will not get him and if he leaves he cannot stay with his father or myself. I know I am weak and will let him stay here but don't want him to know that. I want him to think if he leaves he has no ride no money no where to go.

heartorn

I do intend to get involved with either al anon or narc anon as I do think I need them but for now I am reaching out there. Thank you for your reply.

3arai

How old is your son?

biminiblue

OpioPhobe

Well, you gave him a reasonable choice. He can stay in the rehab and complete it or he can leave and try to survive on his own. He can get mad all he wants, but he is the one that stole money from your family. I haven't been in a rehab so maybe it is some terrible experience or something that I am failing to grasp.

How old is he? Why wasn't he working?

Also, I shot plenty of dope and it didn't cause cysts on my face. Maybe other people get them, but that wasn't a side effect for me. I only bring that up, because he may have been on other things as well. Addicts tend to leave out pertinent information like that. Did they test for the bath salts as well?

heartorn

Thank you all for your replies. My son is twenty one years old. He was working and quit his job to go into rehab. As for the cysts on his face he has cystic acne that I noticed flares when he is using. I noticed the same thing in my brother when he used to use. My son is using many other drugs as well. He was originally addicted to pain killers. I just found out about the bath salts last night. I know very little about them except for what I seen when patients to the ER came in on them. (Very bad stuff IMHO). I do not know if he was tested for the bath salts his father did the drug test this time and does not seem to know about the bath salts either. I might add his father and I are divorced since 1996 but trying to work together when there are issues like this. I called rehab last night he is still there and has settled down. They did not allow him to make any more calls last night and he has no phone numbers with him so for now I think he is kinda stuck there. I am very angry at him and haven't showed it but I think it is the anger that his helping me to be tough. Thank you all I appreciate you listening and your insight.

chicory

Hang in there heartorn. He is probably in the safest place for him. If you and your ex can keep him in rehab, by all means do so. He is a danger to his self.

can you get to Nar-anon for yourself? The support you get will help you, and in return help you make the best choices for him too. glad he has settled down.

take care, read the stickies we have here, and stick around. lots of people here who understand and have been through this.

DearPrudence

I'm sorry you are going through this mess, heartorn. You did the absolute right thing in refusing to pick him up. Tough love is tough on parents as well as children.