Detachment vs. Apathy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Detachment vs. Apathy
As an AlAnon'er, I have been learning the art of detachment-emotionally distancing myself from my alcoholic spouse.
Now I have seen the perversion of detachment, which I believe is apathy.
Even at my age, I am still surprised when it becomes apparent that I cannot take things at face value. This time it is a recovery ministry that I support financially and prayerfully. It has just started, and has just a handful of people. The pastor and his wife and I have had spotty interaction over the past 4 years.
They are fully aware of my situation and need just now for a list of people to call when things are going rough. I have not, to my knowledge, "bothered" them excessively.
The pastor e-mailed me this week to "make amends" for not returning a phone call for over 3 weeks. In my return e-mail to him, I politely stated that if he and his wife were giving me indicators that they do not wish to continue this kind of arrangement with me, to please let me know so I can move on.
Now, he is REALLY "detaching."
Now I have seen the perversion of detachment, which I believe is apathy.
Even at my age, I am still surprised when it becomes apparent that I cannot take things at face value. This time it is a recovery ministry that I support financially and prayerfully. It has just started, and has just a handful of people. The pastor and his wife and I have had spotty interaction over the past 4 years.
They are fully aware of my situation and need just now for a list of people to call when things are going rough. I have not, to my knowledge, "bothered" them excessively.
The pastor e-mailed me this week to "make amends" for not returning a phone call for over 3 weeks. In my return e-mail to him, I politely stated that if he and his wife were giving me indicators that they do not wish to continue this kind of arrangement with me, to please let me know so I can move on.
Now, he is REALLY "detaching."
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
He made amends and you did not forgive him. Not only that, you returned his email with anger.
The ball is in your court.
Could it maybe be he just dropped the ball and tried to make it right? Sometimes other things happen, especially to people who are in the caring fields.
The ball is in your court.
Could it maybe be he just dropped the ball and tried to make it right? Sometimes other things happen, especially to people who are in the caring fields.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Dallas, Texas originally from Michigan
Posts: 125
Eauchiche - sorry you are going through this. I wonder, however, if you are in the right part of the forum here... This is the Newcomers to Recovery section. Not trying to be a smart a**. Maybe you could find better answers in another part of the forum?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
The hardest part of recovery is sometimes learning that it isn't always about us. It's disappointing when people we should be able to count on are not there for us when we need them, but holding onto resentments about it hurts us and holds us back. I hope you were able to connect to people in person who were available when you needed them.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Sometimes, it can be helpful to step back and recognize that you're being offered well-considered responses here on SR. Turns out SR is a lot like real life -- graciousness takes us a long way in both.
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