Cecilia44

I am on Day 3 and this is where I usually give in. Around Day 3 or maybe Day 4. I feel like I want to drink and feel sorry for myself.

I think this happens frequently as I have tried to get sober in the past and I am reaching out to all of you for your suggestions and input.

You see, I am well over 40 and still single. I haven't even had a BF in years and as I start to get sober, I start realizing all the things I was missing while I was drunk. (Going on 7 years drunk).

I feel lonely as heck and when I start to sober up, look better, feel better, I start to miss those things. Incidentally, drinking is what happened when the last BF left 7 years ago (he didn't leave because I was drinking, but I started drinking when he decided to break up, I was so upset). But the drinking has also left me keeping a "low profile" all these years because I didn't want to be a raging alcoholic affecting someone's life so I purposely have stayed single.

However, now as I slowly get sober again, those feelings of loneliness come on strong. And I want to drink them away. I start wondering why I am still alone and feel like the older I get, no man would want me anyhow, so why not just get drunk and forget it?

I don't want to drink and I know I can't change my age, but I feel like throwing a pity party for myself and wondering what is the use in getting and remaining sober now?

I see these movie stars or even normal woman on T.V. in their 20s, so young and pretty and wish I was that young again. I suppose most men don't think I look bad "for my age," but I hate that that has to be thrown in there now. The "for my age" thing. Sigh.

Please help.

Jupiters

B/C you just admitted you wasted 7 years drunk and hiding.

Do you want to waste another 7 in a bottle? I don't think you do.

PurpleKnight

What exactly are those things?

If it's just simply numbing away feelings and escaping from life for a bit, that's not worth it, a temporary solution, which in the morning won't have changed anything!!

Drinking won't make you feel better or solve anything, hang in there!!

least

Stop comparing your insides to other people's outsides. You don't know what their lives are like. Live to be the best 'you' you can be. Not better or worse than others. Just try to be better than who you are right now.

Cecilia44

What are those things? Well, like I stated, a BF for one, would be great. Having sober friends. Having some companionship, which I don't have. My only friends now are just drinking buddies. I haven't really had any sober friends in years. Any few "dates" I went on these last 7 years were just with other drinkers. It's like I know the "drinking club" and that's it. And I hate it.

I miss having a "normal life" without alcohol. Hanging out with sober people and having fun like going to the movies or dinner or whatever. Not just drunken conversations with other drunks. I miss all that.

Anna

Cecilia, you sound like I did in early recovery dealing with feelings. I felt sure I wouldn't be able to manage the negative feelings I had to deal with when I stopped drinking. I knew it was going to be really hard and it was, but I learned that they are only feelings. They don't dictate who you are. You can feel them, acknowledge them and let them go.

Whether or not you find another relationship soon, you will have a much better life when you stop drinking.

Thepatman

I understand and have had similar feelings about being single. Hitting 40 in a few weeks.

But st the end of the day, staying sober will eventually bring good things into your life, including a special someone. But first things first.

Soberwolf

Have you consider seeing doc for some councelling/psychotherapy to maybe help with this

i can tell you not to drink etc etc but its you that has to do it and if your finding it tough

then no 1 you reach out you have done that and that is very impotant as that strongly suggests you want to stay sober i applaud you for that

but if you are struggling as we all have maybe ask the doc for some help ?

think your amazing for reaching out i tell ppl that is vital in protecting our sobriety

well done on day 3 were all with you on day 4 are you with you on day 4 ?

we will be here

patricia68

Think Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox, Alyssa Milano, Ashley Judd (is she gorgeous or what?!), Cameron Diaz (I always had a girl crush on her!), Diane Lane...Elizabeth Hurley (I spent ridiculous amount of money on Estee Lauder products in hopes to look like her!!).

Seriously...it's not our age, beauty comes from inside. I am still trying to find my inner sparkle to look good and attractive again. One thing I know for sure...a drunk girl, no matter how old she is, is never attractive

Dee74

I think it comes down to a choice Cecilia

You can go back to what you know (and end up back here at this point again) or you can put your faith in a way you've not tried before.

All those things you want, or feel you've missed...you have an excellent chance of find all those things sober.

It may take a little while, but it's a surety you'll connect more with yourself and have a clearer idea of who real you is and what she wants.

More drinking makes any change to your life unlikely....except maybe for the worse?

D

Cecilia44

Thank you all, so much for your comments. I MADE IT! I didn't give in, I didn't drink. I am so grateful to all of you.

Jupiters, your post I read before I left the house and it helped me the most I think. You said:

B/C you just admitted you wasted 7 years drunk and hiding.

Do you want to waste another 7 in a bottle? I don't think you do.

I realized if I wasted another 7 years drinking, I would then be 51. And I think I am old and washed up now (LOL), how would adding 7 more drunk years to that make me any better? It was enough in reading that post to keep me from going to the liquor store and walking my dog at the park instead, like I have been doing for several nights since I have been sober. THANK YOU!

And Dee said: All those things you want, or feel you've missed...you have an excellent chance of find all those things sober. So true Dee. Thank you.

And Patricia you are right, there are plenty of women over 40 that are beautiful outside. And especially as you mentioned, inside is what counts.

Thanks everyone. So very, very glad I am part of this sober great bunch of people.

sugarbear1

Glad you made it through!

I got sober at 50....3 years later I'm still sober and dating someone......

there is hope and change is possible!

Keep moving forward!!!

Love and hugs to you

Cecilia44

Oh and just to add to my Thank You post, I don't mean anyone who is older than me is "old and washed up," I think it is just my drinking demon making me feel bad. Please take no offense to that comment.

Your right sugarbear, hope and change is possible. Thanks!