Santa

My XAH has been struggling, mostly unsuccessfully, with attempts to get sober. His health is poor. He's unemployed. All the classic sequelae of later stages of alcoholism.

I've felt that I up to now I have had to allow some contact with him as we still have one minor child, a teenager. Lately however my ex's mental state and weird behavior are such that I've asked him not to come around at all (which I can't depend on as he does not respect boundaries). Our son doesn't want to see him and I certainly don't.

At this point XAH seems mentally unstable. He leaves me rambling, crazy voicemails about our son's mental health. He sounds like he is losing his grip on reality.

He lives a few hours from us, but as he has no job, who knows where he is. I had been trying to placate him (I know, I know) and keep him away by listening to his ramblings but he doesn't even seem to remember.

I think he is not drinking but I do think he is smoking weed. I just can't believe how his mind has slipped into near psychosis, it seems to me, in just 6 months. In the spring he was lucid. Now he sounds psychotic.

I am going to go NC with him but I am wondering, is this what he did to his brain after 30 years of hard drinking, or is this crazy talk possibly some type of weed-induced hallucinations?

53500

Well it could be either one, or both. It certainly sounds like he's on something. If he isn't, if he's that unstable without any drug in him it's almost worse and scary.

My friend's AGF hallucinated when she was drunk. She talked to no one, rambling on about whatever she heard and saw in her head. When she is sober she does not hallucinate but does not exactly have a solid grip on reality. Long-term alcoholism (or drug use) will do that.

It's good he does not live near you and you're going NC.

Butterfly

There is evidence that shows that weed can bring on a drug induced psychosis but I am sure all his years of drinking haven't helped either. Please be careful. Sending you hugs

stella27

Santa,
I couldn't possibly know what he is doing, just like you can't, and with my own AXH, I have had to stop wondering about it for my own peace of mind. It just doesn't matter. What does matter is how smart you are about recognizing that NC is all you can do to protect your own family.

((hugs)).

dandylion

Santa......while it is hard to know exactly what is going on in your husband's brain....I can tell you the one thing that I do know....that alcohol mixed with ANY kind of drugs, including weed, can produce a new level of "crazy". Really crazy!!!!!

This has got to be really hard for you.....and, I agree with you. I don't think your son needs to see or be around his father like that.

Sounds like it is "Let go and let God" time.....you just have to do what you gotta' do to protect yourself and your children as best you possibly can.....

We all know that this isn't easy.....

dandylion

Santa

Thanks everybody. I'm pretty sure he isn't drunk during these calls. I know his drunk voice (don't we all). That does make it weirder and scarier. I'm keeping copies of these voicemails (not going to block him just now as I want to know what he's thinking, but I'm not answering calls or texts).

Just kind of debating with myself whether/when to check in with the cops. He's broke and I found out accidentally when I went to reregister my car that he's driving around without insurance. I know that's not my problem, but I'm having a hard time with knowingly causing trouble for him.

This whole thing would not occupy so much of my thinking if I didn't know that he owns a firearm "for protection" since the months he was homeless this summer. Which I'm pretty sure he has no clue how to use and should not have.

53500

Omg, he owns a gun?? That's very frightening. You probably don't know if he has a license for it? I wonder if there is any way to preemptively call the police and tell them, "There is a mentally unstable man with a gun". Seems like there should be but I don't know, maybe someone else here does.

Santa

^ Yeah that's what is bugging me. During our marriage we were both against any guns in the house. Then he told me a few months ago that he bought one legally, went through the background checks etc., as he didn't feel safe out on the street. I would have thought pepper spray would take care of that. So he's made no threats at all, never hit me during our marriage (abuse was verbal when he was drunk), I would not call him a physically violent guy. But his mental health seems borderline at best. We've been apart for more than 3 years, I'd like him to just leave us alone.

AnvilheadII

but I'm having a hard time with knowingly causing trouble for him.

you are NOT causing trouble for him....even if you contact the police - he's in a deteriorating mental state, brought on by 30 years of alcohol and/or drug use, deteriorating physical condition - which could be arrested at any point if he truly seized onto sobriety - jobless, and packing heat. and driving without insurance.

you could very well be doing him a favor - to say nothing of protecting yourself and your kids - and whatever other hapless victim might catch him on a bad day. he presents potential danger to himself and others....

Santa

I'm going to the police tomorrow. I doubt he will regard it as a favor. I don't know if they can do anything to help me but I will ask. He made some vaguely threatening comments regarding my elderly parents in a voicemail that left me shaking. He's got it in his head they are undermining our son. These are two gentle people in their 80s who are barely mobile, am I supposed to tell them to be on the lookout for him? How is this even possible 3 years after a divorce.