ANewDayNYC

I have a problem with being unable to stay sober on weekends. When I had lapses in the past I felt it likely was because I wasn’t fully committed. However, this past week I genuinely wanted to stop and it makes this lapse a lot more painful.

I know alcohol isn’t working for me. When I am hung-over, it is easy to say that is the last time. However, I know next Friday – my desire to go out will be intense and the hurt I feel right now will seem distant. I need to get out of this cycle.

I am starting to feel scared – what if this never changes? I know the path I am on is unsustainable.
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This is it. I am 100% committed. I will attend whatever meetings I need to, or get whatever help required. There will be no more BS excuses. I refuse to be dependent on alcohol. I am completely done with it.

Altoids

Good for you, NewDay. You can do this. Some of my "doing whatever is necessary" has been crazy, but feels GREAT when I made it thru. You can do it, too.

ANewDayNYC

Thanks Altoids. In the past, my commitments I don’t feel were genuine. I knew drinking was bad, but my desire to quit was sort out of obligation.

Today feels completely different. I feel angry. If I have to go to AA – so be it. I refuse to make any more excuses. I have never felt this strongly about quitting before.

Altoids

Yeah, you really can't do it for anyone but yourself. What are you doing this weekend to stay sober?

Findingtheway

I can relate to the quitting out of obligation...I did that before too...quit for my gf...quit for my parents...quit for my employer...Never gave me any inner peace because i wasn't quitting for me.

I feel like a switch has been tripped now...THIS time I'm quitting for ME. And no-one can take that away from me.

Good luck to you.

PurpleKnight

Sheer will power the majority of time is no match for our addictive minds, usually there is only one winner, which is why I found that I'd make good intentions in the morning and by evening or at the weekend it would all fall through!!

Support was the answer, something to give me a second opinion on a Fri/Sat night, alone in isolation with only my thoughts, and as my mind wanted to drink, then there was only going to be 1 outcome, I needed something to short circuit my own thought processes, something outside of myself!!

Go at things again, but maybe hanging out here on SR, going to meetings, whatever it is, doing this on your own isn't working, so time to change up your plan!!

You can so this!!

Anna

It sounds like you're motivated to make your decision work.

If the weekends are a problem for you, then it might be a good idea to make plans for next weekend that don't involve being around alcohol or around people who are drinking.

You can do this!

ANewDayNYC

I appreciate all the support everyone. If I ever have a desire to drink, I will refer to this post to remind myself that it isn’t worth it. I am genuinely going to make a commitment to myself.

PurpleKnight

Sounds like a good idea, referring to posts can be helpful!

As I mentioned the same mind that makes the commitment today is the same mind next weekend that will try to convince you to drink!!

A new action, even if only posting on SR is a positive step forward to flag up the myths your mind will be selling!!

neferkamichael

ANewDayNYC, sounds to me you gonna make it, rootin for ya.

Fly N Buy

previous quote from one of your posts:
Yesterday after work I drank. It was completely pre-meditated and I made minimal effort to drink in moderation

New Day,

Glad your starting again - good for you!
Please make a stronger plan this time if you can. Meetings help me a ton!
If you truly recognize you cannot drink in moderation, and are like many of us on SR - you can choose not to take that first drink. But, it requires work - I just attended my 90th+ meeting in 90 days. At first it was effort but I have come to enjoy the fellowship. " We came to believe......" Not I - is comforting for me.

Thanks for posting, most here do not judge and want to keep us All Sober. But, you need to take ownership of your recovery - no one else.

Peace to us all......
Best Regards,
FlynBuy

ANewDayNYC

I feel I needed this moment. In the past, I felt like I would make excuses and worry about silly things.

I would rationalize about the difficulty of not drinking at certain social events or during football season. The reality is these were all just BS excuses.

For the first time in my life I feel a genuine desire to quit. If I lose friends over staying sober – so be it. If someone offers me alcohol, I will say I don’t drink and not care if they judge me. I really don’t care anymore – I am finally at the point where I will prioritize sobriety over everything else.

MariahGayle

Glad you are here NewDay I find strength & hope from all here that are learning to live life without alcohol & knowing that I am not alone in this battle is HUGE!

soberlicious

Hi New Day,
I'm very happy for you. Making changes can be scary, but it can also be exciting. I had wrecked my life so badly that when I quit it was like a relief. It was like a switch flipped. Life is hard, but it's almost impossible when living in the cycle of addiction. The freedom I felt after quitting was indescribable.

Quitting is not easy, but you are fully capable of doing it and creating and living the kind of life you want. Absolutely fully capable. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

ANewDayNYC

Thanks soberlicious - you captured my feelings well, I do feel scared but excited. I am going to make a list of things to do to fill my weekends and research different support groups. I feel almost like I am starting a new life.

Soberwolf

This !!

Mountainmanbob

you sound to have made a good decision

that is what it takes -- a firm decision made

MM

Coldfusion

I hope you have already been to a meeting or at least found the one you will attend! I had to force myself to get out of bed and go to a meeting this morning, but it was worth it.

We're all anxious to know how your plans are going!

ANewDayNYC

For today, I am just going to relax and take care of myself. I like watching college football so I will watch some games in my room.

Tomorrow, I will wake up early and go to gym and try to get on a positive routine.

I looked up AA groups that meet on Fridays and there a bunch near my apartment. I think a meeting on Friday would really help because this is when my cravings are the most intense.

KDBnSLC

Plan for next Friday. Fill your afternoon/evening with something that has nothing to do with alcohol. Do volunteer work...whatever it takes to break the cycle. Go for a boat ride in Central Park. Change your routine. Come here and post often...it really does help.
I was no different than you. YOU have plenty of willpower it's your addiction that doesn't and you are not your addiction. Mentally separate yourself from it, and it suddenly becomes an "it" that's out to kill you.