Dojang

I had a complete relapse of codependent behaviors last night. I'm so embarrassed of how I acted. I've been going to counseling but need to start Al Anon on a regular basis and get a sponsor. The only meeting tonight is late & i have to wake up very early tomorrow, but i will try to go. I hate feeling like this. I just want the pain to stop & be healthy. I know he will forgive me, I just hope I can forgive myself.

honeypig

When we know better, we do better, saith Alanon. Take a nap and get thee to that meeting. You know you'll feel better afterwards!

Progress isn't linear, and you're doing great.

Fathom

Hugs. Be gentle with yourself. Awareness is great progress! The next thing is acceptance... Ok, it happened. You had a knee-jerk reaction and you know you could have done something different. After acceptance comes action. Think about what you will do next time your emotions take over compelling you to do something you may regret. And, make amends regarding the current situation with yourself as well as the other person.

I had a Codie relapse yesterday too, but it helps me to sort out where I need to focus more of my attention for healing. It isn't a sign of failure but an opportunity for growth.

Peace,
Fathom

honeypig

Oooh, Fathom, THAT is GOOD!!! I'm stealing it for my own use...

schnappi99

Blech don't I know how that goes too. I've been in program since early Feb, I still trip myself up a couple times a month. I swear it has some characteristics in common w/ an alcoholic relapse... the stinkin' thinkin' that preceeds it.. .sort of like the gathering thunderclouds, then lightning strikes. The program gets me 10th stepping sooner and better, I think the increased awareness has reduced the severity and frequency, I certainly feel the embarrassment after more deeply.

Yeah, better had get a sponsor and start in on the step work. We use the blueprint for progress book around here, my recovery got serious once I started. I'm starting to be aware of this edgy "thing" in my head which I've distracted with sex, sometimes alcohol, sometimes other stuff.. sometimes it retreats sometimes its a surging tide I've been swallowed up by. It fixates on things and I wind myself up, get frustrated etc and poison everything around me. Its been there for a long time.. so long I have trouble perceiving it.. but I recognize it by how it makes me feel.

I think he is my opponent and my opponent is me... lets be careful out there!

NYCDoglvr

For me it was two steps forward, one step back. It's a process and most people have relapses. But you're definitely on the road to recovery, you know what's going on inside you. You're in the solution, not living in the problem!

Fathom

Ha! I can always tell when the thunderclouds are brewing up something because that's when I feel the need to be more active here on SR. I usually don't understand what is bothering me exactly, but I do recognize the feelings now.

Thanks for this insight, Schnappi.

Peace,
Fathom

NYCDoglvr

Yea, kind of lonely today and have an urge to call ex-bf I haven't spoken to in years. That Alanon saying: "don't dial pain", oh God is that right. But I know the urges pass and I won't even think about him tomorrow. It's only TODAY I don't act out. I'm also a recovering alcoholic and it's true, it is the same thinking alcoholics get. Want to get out of my skin by drinking or calling someone who made me miserable.