Cleomie

Hello all, today is 12 days sober for me and I woke up this morning feeling SOOOO good and proud of myself. It's been a stressful 2 weeks getting back to teaching again, last nite was our parent orientation, one of the more stressful events on my teaching calendar. Anyway, it went well, got thru it fine. Had a good day at school today. Then I went to the grocery store and the AV voice was commanding me to buy a bottle of wine, to "reward" myself for a good couple of weeks. I didn't fall for it, but I swear I can just taste that Chardonnay and would love to loose myself in a full bottle of wine tonight. Then I started thinking, "Well, let's see... It's a long holiday weekend... I can drink a bottle every nite, then sober up for school again on Tuesday morning. Then I won't drink anything again until the next Friday nite. And there we go.... Off to the races again, that same stupid cycle I want to break once and for all. I just want to be free from this obsession.
Thanks for reading this. I am reading SR constantly to get thru this period. You all are so wise and I could really use some encouragement tonite. Like I said, I didn't buy any wine to bring home, but if someone offered me a glass (or 5) right now, you better bet your boots I'd take it. I feel so weak.

SoberLeigh

Way to stay strong, Cleomie; you have more self-control than you know. Chardonnay was my poison, too; she can be a real loudmouth sometimes.

LBrain

I think you feel STRONG! Stay strong.

courage2

My advice is don't give the thoughts any room in your head at all. At 12 days, you don't want to be let your AV talk to you at all. At 12 days, eat some ice cream. Put yourself to bed early with a good movie and a tub of buttered popcorn. Indulge every other desire, for sleep or fresh air or a manicure or whatever, and distract dumb AV until you're a little stronger. You're going great! Yay!

Cleomie

Thank you for replying to my post. I heard 3 dings signaling your replies had been received on my phone, and each time it felt like a hug from my SR family. I don't feel so alone in this struggle and that really helps!!!

oldsoul1122

Hi...when the AV bugs me I go to the Rational Recovery crash course page online and read the slideshow. It puts me back on track and IT back in it's place.

Soberwolf

I remember when early on for some reason i craved the sweetness of jagiemeister I didn't really drink that so I made double concentrate apple and black current fruit juice I love fruit juice

I was then told bout the sweet things I was like that's what that was !!

sthlondonab

Hey. 12 days is great. The AV can be so strong at times, keep kicking it into touch.

Also come and join us on the Class of August 2014 thread (in newcomers daily support section) we have been posting and supporting each other through AV attacks in these early days. Lots of support there too and a busy thread with folks all over the place posting away.

neferkamichael

Cleomie, 12 days sober is just so FANTASTIC, congratulations. Suffer through it, tuff it out. It's gonna take some tome to silence the AV but it will shut up and go away. Rootin for ya.

Cleomie

Thank you for the pretty rose.

freshstart57

Recognizing the source of those thoughts as your AV whining and pleading is at least half the battle. The rest is to develop the ability to separate from your AV, it is no longer you since you chose to quit drinking. These thoughts have no power over you and can't make you do a single thing. YOU have the power, not IT.

You can do this, Cleomie. Believe that you can do this, believe in yourself. Onward!

least

Thoughts don't have to become actions. Tell the voice to stfu.

Tonymblue

Youre doing a great job. Push through. You can do it.

trachemys

You've got some strong advice here. And I think you're a strong person. Like someone said: tell the beast to shutup and sit in the corner. Eat some ice cream.

Be strong.

Inchworm

Hang in! It is fantastically wise of you to ask for help. I will remember this the next time I have strong urges.

HeartsAfire

Thank you so much for posting this!! Also, congrats on 12 days!! I logged on to post something very similar. I used be a teacher (now at the district office) so I completely get the stress of orientation/parent's night by the way.

It's day 13 for me & my AV started whispering in my ear this evening. Same rhetoric you're hearing. "Reward yourself. You're not a real alcoholic. You stopped for 13 days. Real alcoholics could never do that" and on & on. It was on a loop for a while there. There's now way I'm listening to that BS so I decided to come here to tell someone what's going on. And here you are - experiencing the same thing.

Instead of listening & giving in, I cut up a white peach & a white nectarine, drizzled some honey & cinnamon sugar on them & curled up on my big chair to read SR. It's my new fave treat.

Thank you for being here tonight, Cleo. Have a great hang-over free day at school tomorrow!

lastchance4me

It must be a teacher thing!!
After a day of useless training, I too went to the store with the intention of buying beer. (day 7 here) Did it even sound good? NO Did I really want it? NO. Did I have thoughts of reactions to being on antibuse? YES, the rash red face and headache from hell, yikes. Was I FINALLY able to visualize the looks of disappointment on my families face? YES . Not only could visualize their faces but it truly mattered to me what they would look like.
I left the store with ONLY the bagels and ice cream my kids requested and went home.
With the new school year under way, I know I NEED to be very aware of triggers, days off, early out days, the ever precious "sick days" where I can be home alone and no one will know (until they come home and I'm wasted).
So as I ramble on, know you are not alone in the "back to school AV"
Together, lets make this year the best we can by giving our students the teachers they deserve. No ****** days due to being hangover or hurrying through the day to go home to our addiction.

Cleomie

Thank you so much, HeartsAfire and Lastchance4me!!!!! When I woke up this morning (without a hangover) I was still feeling down and discouraged about coming so close to caving last nite. I was also feeling very guilty because all nite I was telling myself that I would go ahead and buy a few bottles of wine this weekend because it's a long w-end and I "deserve" it. Anyway, both of your posts meant so much to me I could cry! No I feel the strength coming from you two: you know what it's like to be in the "trenches" as a teacher. Don't get me wrong: I absolutely love my job, wouldn't want to do anything else. However, at the end of the day, there's not much left for me to tap into except that bottle of Chardonnay. Of course, another trigger of mine is cooking dinner for the family. Gotta have that glass of wine going at the same time. Trying seltzer instead, but it's not quite the same... I like your peach nectarine idea. It's probably the sugar I really crave at that time.
Anyway, Thanks again for your affirming posts. I really needed to read those this morning.

freshstart57

You deserve to have the shame and guilt and misery and hangover that will most certainly go with yet another bender? I think you deserve much much more than that, Cleomie. How about a life without all that misery? Instead, how about one with peace and serenity, pride in self, joy, and your own measure of happiness. You can have that life worth living ONLY if you don't take that drink.

Those will be lucky kids who get the privilege of having you for a teacher this year. Onward!