My father is an alcoholic
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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My father is an alcoholic
This is kind of long.
He's an alcoholic in denial. We don't get a ton of money to start with and then he has the cheek to complain about never having much money - after he's p****d it all away. He gets up around 4 - 5 in the morning and finishes work usually around 10 the same morning, then he's out of the house and on his way down to the pub by 10:30. On top of this he tries to pretend that he is helping his friend work instead of going to the pub, it's just pathetic. He usually gets back in at around 3-4 in the evening having consumed at least 4 - 6 pints. He does this every day without fail. Some days he gets back in and is ok - as in he doesn't bother anyone. But most of the time he will b****, complain and try to manipulate me about A) staying on my current courses even though I hate it and he knows it. B) complains about my brother. C) complains that he does everything around the house and that we are completely reliant upon him and he's always right and perfect - this includes telling desperate stories about women "chatting him up" and "almost fighting with someone". Am I supposed to be impressed?
The only time he's happy is when he's out of the house with a pint in his hand - which make no mistake is a result of drinking his whole life. Oh and by the way he doesn't clean the house, he p****s on the bathroom floor and walks around in muddy work shoes only for my brother to have to "clean up or get kicked out". He's just a vile person with an awful personality and no respect, morals or consideration for other people. I find how he used to hit my brother disgusting and how he argued with my mother about drinking also disgraceful. Luckily, my brother is now old enough and big enough not to be bothered anymore - and he wouldn't dare go for me because I was too close to my mother and he knows I would get him put away, but that isn't the point I'm making. Every so often he comes in and goes completely berserk for no reason. This includes shouting at the top of his lungs, raging uncontrollably, followed by the kicking out my brother for the night. I think the general point I'm making is, if he does not change his ways soon he will be dead in 5 years and will have lost the only people that care about him i.e my, my brother and his dad who he hasn't spoke to in 8 months because he asked him to slow down on his drinking. If anyone mentions his drinking to him he goes absolutely ape and storms off. His obsession and addiction has completely destroyed any form of relationship me and my brother had with him. I have no respect left for him, when I look at him I feel pitiful, when I talk to him I feel lectured. I try to avoid contact with him - which is difficult when he always bothers me. No one can talk to him about anything without it turning into "life advice because he's been around the block". I can't take it anymore and want to get an apprenticeship to move out asap - but this isn't about me. *ends wall of text*
He's an alcoholic in denial. We don't get a ton of money to start with and then he has the cheek to complain about never having much money - after he's p****d it all away. He gets up around 4 - 5 in the morning and finishes work usually around 10 the same morning, then he's out of the house and on his way down to the pub by 10:30. On top of this he tries to pretend that he is helping his friend work instead of going to the pub, it's just pathetic. He usually gets back in at around 3-4 in the evening having consumed at least 4 - 6 pints. He does this every day without fail. Some days he gets back in and is ok - as in he doesn't bother anyone. But most of the time he will b****, complain and try to manipulate me about A) staying on my current courses even though I hate it and he knows it. B) complains about my brother. C) complains that he does everything around the house and that we are completely reliant upon him and he's always right and perfect - this includes telling desperate stories about women "chatting him up" and "almost fighting with someone". Am I supposed to be impressed?
The only time he's happy is when he's out of the house with a pint in his hand - which make no mistake is a result of drinking his whole life. Oh and by the way he doesn't clean the house, he p****s on the bathroom floor and walks around in muddy work shoes only for my brother to have to "clean up or get kicked out". He's just a vile person with an awful personality and no respect, morals or consideration for other people. I find how he used to hit my brother disgusting and how he argued with my mother about drinking also disgraceful. Luckily, my brother is now old enough and big enough not to be bothered anymore - and he wouldn't dare go for me because I was too close to my mother and he knows I would get him put away, but that isn't the point I'm making. Every so often he comes in and goes completely berserk for no reason. This includes shouting at the top of his lungs, raging uncontrollably, followed by the kicking out my brother for the night. I think the general point I'm making is, if he does not change his ways soon he will be dead in 5 years and will have lost the only people that care about him i.e my, my brother and his dad who he hasn't spoke to in 8 months because he asked him to slow down on his drinking. If anyone mentions his drinking to him he goes absolutely ape and storms off. His obsession and addiction has completely destroyed any form of relationship me and my brother had with him. I have no respect left for him, when I look at him I feel pitiful, when I talk to him I feel lectured. I try to avoid contact with him - which is difficult when he always bothers me. No one can talk to him about anything without it turning into "life advice because he's been around the block". I can't take it anymore and want to get an apprenticeship to move out asap - but this isn't about me. *ends wall of text*
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
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Fallback, welcome to SR. Your situation sounds bad, and I hope you can take steps to physically remove yourself from it soon.
Reading as much as you can here will help you come to terms w/the fact that you are absolutely powerless over him and his drinking. As the Alanon saying about "the 3 C's" goes, "You didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, and you can't Cure it." I like to suggest that newcomers take a look at this thread for starters: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html It's from the stickies at the top of the page, and there is just a wealth of collected wisdom there.
Alanon can be helpful for face-to-face support and education, and you may want to check out some local meetings. It's been helpful for me to use SR and Alanon in combination, since each has its strong points.
Again, sorry you have the need to be here, but it's a good thing that you found us. Wishing you strength and clarity as you go forward.
Reading as much as you can here will help you come to terms w/the fact that you are absolutely powerless over him and his drinking. As the Alanon saying about "the 3 C's" goes, "You didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, and you can't Cure it." I like to suggest that newcomers take a look at this thread for starters: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html It's from the stickies at the top of the page, and there is just a wealth of collected wisdom there.
Alanon can be helpful for face-to-face support and education, and you may want to check out some local meetings. It's been helpful for me to use SR and Alanon in combination, since each has its strong points.
Again, sorry you have the need to be here, but it's a good thing that you found us. Wishing you strength and clarity as you go forward.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Originally Posted by fallback 
but this isn't about me.
HoneyPig gave you some great suggestions. I would like to second all of them, especially Alanon. You didn't mention your age, but it sounds like you and your brother may still be young men. I have a teenage daughter who has come a long way in resolving the conflict she feels over some of the hurtful choices her alcoholic father has made, and is still making. If she were here she'd tell you it was with the help of Alanon and Alateen.
Like I said, nothing like being around people who "get it", and there's a lot more of us out there than you may realize. Your not alone. Not by a long shot.
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