Blossom717

So I offered to do a mediation with him and a unbiased lawyer. He wanted to know what kind of custody I was going to try and get before he agreed.

I told him that is what we would talk about in mediation. So he decided he wants to go to court instead.

Fine. I tried, right? I have it all in text messages too...so at least I can say I tried to get a peaceful agreement

meggem

Aren't you getting physical custody? meaning (well at least in PA) the kids live with me -I have physical custody and he has visitation.

Blossom717

well I would think. But I think he wants to try and fight it, but he has no grounds. I don't know what he was trying to get by asking me.

meggem

My lawyer told me to be the one to file for divorce and for custody. Maybe your state is different? Do you have a lawyer?

NWGRITS

He's trying to scare you and wear you down. He's probably hoping you'll spook and give in to avoid going to court (court= money). Keep your chin up. You've got this.

hopeful4

This..... It varies by state if there is a benefit to filing first. In this state there is no benefit at all according to the attorneys I spoke with. Don't back down, there is no way for him to get primary custody.

In my state it is defined this way. I have joint physical and legal custody, but I am the primary custodial parent in that they spend the majority of time with me. My kids spend 1 night per week and every other weekend with their father. I have strong anti drinking, drugs, and overuse of Rx drugs type language in my divorce decree, I suggest that for anyone who has a spouse with these issues.

Keep on keeping on, it's a day by day process. I can tell you that in my state you cannot go to court w/out going to mediation first, and an attorney is a mediator, one who does not rep either one of you. So he really may not have a choice on that.

sugarbear1

Get that attorney and demand mediation first (and consult with that attorney)

http://www.virginiadivorceattorney.c...ch-divorce.cfm

http://www.mediation.com/findmediato.../virginia.aspx

http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/VA/custody/custody.htm

http://www.courts.state.va.us/courts...ationinfo.html

http://www.articlesbase.com/national...y-3623275.html

hopeful4

Remember Blossom, he is not controlling this show here. It is not going to be all about what HE wants.

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs!!!

Sungrl

Is this a husband or boyfriend? Big difference legally. I was under the impression you were not married. Sorry if that is incorrect.

hopeful4

ps....I was also told by different attorneys that it really ticks off the judges when you refuse to do mediation. Here they still refuse even though it's required, how stupid. All that manages to do it make the judge good and mad.

lillamy

Lawyer.
That's step one.
A lawyer will help you protect your rights and the rights of the kids.

Blossom717

To answer some questions: nope, we are not married. Thank goodness.
I know he won't get primary custody and I think he knows it too. I think he will eventually agree to mediation. Because he knows how bad it looks on him if he doesn't.

AnvilheadII

don't dawdle and do NOT give him any more information about YOUR plans. basically you'd be handing him bullets so he can reload his weapon. get thee to a lawyer. be pre-emptive. ask for everything, full custody, etc etc. don't get wiggly..........

dandylion

Blossom, I have forgotten....are you and your daughter living alone at this time?

dandylion

Blossom717

we are living with my mom....who is renting one of XABFs parent's rental houses....

Its fun.

hopeful4

Blossom, you are on the road to your own home! I hope you have a peaceful and happy day today my friend!

dandylion

Blossom...I am glad that you are living with someone...so that you are not alone at any time in the coming weeks. A safety issue....

dandylion

Blossom717

I hope there won't be a safety issue. Given the fact that his parents have keys to get into the house isn't really reassuring.

He told me today he wants 50/50 custody. ha. and he refuses mediation.

dandylion

Blossom....I agree that he is just digging his own hole with the courts.

However, his degree of anger and rigidity causes me to have continuing concerns that he could do some very angry acting out when push comes to shove.
Please keep your guard up for the coming weeks and months.

There are several good web sites about how to protect yourself during a separation. Reading them may give you some ideas that you have never thought of, before.

dandylion

Blossom717

I spoke to a lawyer over the phone...he was a little rude especially since i was on hold for 5 minutes...but anyway.
He basically told me that keeping her from him until court could bite me later. Even with letting him have visitations, it could still bite me later.
I don't know what I am supposed to do. I just texted XABF and said that since he will not agree to go to mediation with me, I do not feel safe letting him pick her up from the sitters next week.