kkallday21

I'm going to make this short... I checked my MrNumber app before going to bed tonight ( I know it was stupid of me) but things have been quiet lately and I haven't heard from my ex and tonight I noticed like 10 texts and a missed call from earlier today and tonight... On top of my ex being an alcoholic and addict, he has some serious untreated mental problems... Long story short he got my son a phone (its not his son and I was totally not for it) and now that we are no longer together we are sharing the bill... He was texting me tonight saying that he is leaving within a week and can't get into specifics and wanted to make sure this phone bill was ironed out because his family is going to be dealing with enough once he leaves... I know you may think this is quaking but my ex just did 11yrs in prison and is actively using which makes him pretty much capable of whatever.. All sorts of thoughts are goin through my head as to what he is up to, but my question is do I just ignore it and not tell anyone? I am very cool with his sister, do I tell her? He specifically told me to keep the all this quiet, but my head is spinning... I know the possibilities of what could happen and none of them are good... I've remained NC for almost a month now and really don't want to get caught back up in all this craziness but I'm scared if something terrible happens to him or anyone else and I knew about it... Please help me .. I was doing so well and I'm going through alot right now with losing my grandmother soon and my emotions are just getting the best of me

Ann

I wouldn't lie if asked, but I wouldn't respond either. If he just did 11 years in prison, odds are good that he's up to no good and you need to distance yourself from all that or face your own consequences for just "knowing".

Remaining no contact is probably the best road to take.

Also, if paying for your son's phone which was obtained in spite of your protest...then close down the account and shut off the phone. You get to be the adult here and decide what's best for your family and what you can afford and not afford.

My heart and prayers go out for you, this must be shaking you.

Hugs

Fandy

exactly, just shut the phone off and be done with him already. why go looking for trouble. He is your EX for a REASON, he is NOT your responsibility.

kkallday21

The phone is under his aunt's name, which would mean I would have to make contact.. I planned on just sending my half for the phone by check and leaving it at that.. If I ask her to cancel the contract, I would feel obligated to pay the 350.00 cancellation fee, which I do not have right now.. I could pay it in a few months when I get my income tax, but not right now, I am over my head with bills and make literally just enough to pay them... I feel stuck I am not going to contact him or engage in whatever it is he is up to.. I have to trust God's plan, as hard as that may be... I just have a lot of sadness I am sitting with.. My grandmother is on hospice and I am grieving that, I am grieving the loss of my ex, someone who was a childhood friend, my best friend and I am just hating the disease of addiction right now.. As much as I know how crazy he can get while on a binge, I am still grieving that wonderful man I know he can be, the guy I fell in love with and grew up with.. My heart is hurting and there is nothing I can do to prevent anything that is going to happen – with my grandmother or with my ex and sitting with all of this is just overwhelming

Ann

You sound very overwhelmed right now, maybe this would be a good day to find a meeting of live support and give it a try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

If you are worried about the phone, maybe box it up and send it to the aunt and explain that you just cannot carry your side right now because of circumstances. She may be able to use it and to pay the entire bill herself.

The important thing is to find some relief from this pain, go for a walk, have lunch with a friend, go to the library and pick up some good books that can take your mind someplace good. And try that meeting, you may be surprised how much it can help.

Hugs

kkallday21

Thanks Ann.. I'm definitely goin to an Alanon meeting today at lunch.. I also made some program calls and I am already feeling better.. Thank you for always responding xo

Ann

I'm glad you are taking action to help yourself. I know that part was very hard for me, even when I knew I had a problem and that I needed to do something to help myself, it was hard to make myself move toward anything.

I am forever grateful that I did, that one move to a meeting took me out of the darkest place I had ever lived.

I'm just cheering you on, you're the one doing the work. You go, girl!

Hugs