Cold9987

Here I am going on week three since my husband left the kids and I without a word for his addiction to pain pills, even though he still denies he's addicted. I keep reading trying to find support but so many situations that are for the most part similar- the husband comes back after a couple of days. Not here. I'm left with such confusion and sadness. Before he changed his phone number I was finally able to contact him after he had been gone for a few days and he said he's moving on because he wants to be free and can do what he wants. Eventually he quit turning his phone on and got new service and new number after he got his paycheck. So now I'm going on 4 days of contact but not because I want to, but because I can't and don't know his number. Why are his clothes still here is he's done? Why did he leave his daughter (my step daughter) here if he's not coming back? I feel like if it's over he should be able to talk to me and get his stuff so I don't have to see it and be reminded of him! If he is planning on coming back then what's taking so long??? I'm his wife and I should be able to contact him!! I know he's using and it's not "him" doing this but I'm having a hard time not missing him and continuing on as if he doesn't exist. The uncertainties are keeping me from healing and getting better. It's not getting easier because I don't know if he's ever coming back or if I should wait. If it's really over he should tell me! Will he ever contact me consumes my thoughts right now. I know I shouldn't be worried about these things in order to better myself but I just can't help it. I'll take whatever advice I can get

LoveMeNow

I was the best "splitter" on SR. I blamed his addiction and gave the "real" him a pass. Pfftttt. Problem is....they are one in the same. Splitting them in 2 is very unhealthy. There is a good article on here that I will try to find.

Many come back, and some don't. There are very, very few happy endings when addiction is involved. Perhaps, you are being spared years of more unhappiness because this is NOT the action of a loving husband or father.

incitingsilence

Did you adopt his child or are you her legal guardian in some way. If not what he did is abandonment and I believe it would be in your best interests to make sure you protect yourself there from any issues.

There will be no way to explain why, and well he did tell you, didn't he? He doesn't want to hear it anymore and is moving on to live as he wishes to. As LMN wrote he just may be sparing you years of heartache and pain. ( nice to see you around LMN, hope you are doing good)

Do you really want him to come back?
Do you really need anything else from him than what he has showed you?

He really isn’t keeping you from healing and moving forward. You are allowing that. He though has showed you exactly who he is. Can you accept the truth in front of you? It will go a long way.

Please take time to take good care of you and of your stepdaughter. She will need a lot of help and that right now is a much better focus than what he is doing.

Cold9987

Splitting the two seems to be the only way to get through each day. I guess I'm functioning off believing this isn't really him. The sad thing is I know there is no happy ending but can't seem to move forward without him even though you're right these are not the actions of a loving husband or father.

Cold9987

I am just her step mom, nothing that legally makes me her guardian besides being married to her father. He has primary custody and her bio mom does not attempt to see her but once every six months or so. I'm really all she has. That is another thing that makes this all so hard because she is so scared she will have to leave me if daddy doesn't come home. I don't even have answers for myself and I sure don't have answers for her. Him leaving her and all his stuff is what makes it difficult for me to believe that he's really not coming back plus I don't want to just yet for stupid reasons I guess.

Ann

Please see a lawyer and find out your legal rights with this child and ask if something can be arranged. This child's protection should come first, no matter what he or you decide to do.

He is probably on a "bender" which can last weeks. Waiting and worrying won't change that, I'm sorry to say.

Please take good care of you and your step daughter. That's the part you can control.

Prayers out for you and she both.

Hugs

FeelingGreat

Cold, what he is doing is completely irresponsible and appalling. Even if it were just your own children making it impossible to contact you would be wrong, but leaving his daughter with you? It's emotionally devastating for her, and shows no respect for you.

I disagree with the fact that 'it's not him'; he has enough awareness to change his phone and number, so he knew exactly what he was doing then.

If he's drawing a pay check, then presumably he's working. I suggest you turn up at his work and tell them what's going on. Hopefully shame will kick in, and he deserves to be shamed.

Does he have parents or siblings that you know? That might be another route to get to him. Please don't let him off the hook with this. I agree with Ann that legal advice is essential.

AnvilheadII

i absolutely concur that legal actions for the child's sake should be initiated NOW. how DARE he just waltz off and leave his child(ren) behind without a word? AND his wife? so he can go "do what he wants"? what is he, 12????

and yes dear this IS the real him....that was his body and his mind that took his toothbrush or whatever and LEFT. who is cognizant enough to remember to go to WORK, take the time to change his PHONE number, and do all other manners of things that demonstrate he is in possession of his faculties.

time for the big guns. you keep putting all the decisions on him...is HE coming back? does HE think it's over? etc etc. take back your power. what he did is without excuse and IMHO unforgiveable.