Tansy

how hard breaking free is. ExAH hasn't gone yet but he is. I'm moving eventually, yet again, to another town. My 41st move in 53 years. I'm trying to make friends in the new town but it's hard. My age seem mostly couples. I've only made 3 friends in 7 years in the one I'm currently in who I no longer see as they moved on and there are no jobs here or any reason to stay. My autistic boys make socialising hard and soon I will be alone with them. Ex won't bother with them despite my thread about access. My ability to go out and meet friends will be curtailed by their needs. They don't care if they go out. One sleeps at weird times. They actively avoid people.
I was buoyed up on the splitting up and exah going and all the issues he presented stopping but now I'm coming down to earth. I'm still going to be alone, I 'm still going to have little confidence and the next few months seems too hard to contemplate.

I wish I had just one good friend who could help me see this through but I don't. I feel stupid that I need someone but I do. I'm not strong enough on my own yet. I know once the door shuts and it's just me, the boys who never speak to me or even sit in the same room as me but expect me to be here for them, I will fold. It's the reason I let ex come back 4 times before. Arguing with him was better then the all consuming silence and being trapped in the house 24/7 cos the boys won't go out. I've no answers to this. I know logically I am alone whatever I do but I hate it. I'm outgoing and sociable. I'm worried I will cave unless I find an answer.

dandylion

Tansy...I am in the states...so I don't know much about Yorkshire..except for one train trip I was on during a visit and what I read in the James Harriott books!

However, surely, there are support groups for parents of autistic children--that help each other out. I would imagine that there is where you would find friends that would help you out and understand your situation.

I have found that one has to be aggressive in seeking out help and support.

You are so right that you can't live in this amount of isolation.
Please don't let that happen!

dandylion

honeypig

Tansy, dandylion is right, you can't allow yourself to be trapped and isolated, regardless of whether the reason is your A or your special needs kids. Neither of those situations makes for a healthy you.

Is there any kind of daycare or respite care available to give you a break? I like dandy's suggestion of finding some support groups, and they would also be a great place to find out about resources to help you.

I just googled "autism support groups" and got a whole bunch of sites that look as if they might be useful, altho these seem to primarily be in the US, since that's where I am. I bet you'd find a similar number of sites related to the UK if you tried a similar search. Here's one that's in the UK: http://www.autism.org.uk/ This page might have some of what you need: http://www.autism.org.uk/our-service...-services.aspx

Stay strong--you found help for the alcoholism in your life and you can find help w/the autistic children, too. Don't cave in or you'll just be multiplying your problems again. You can do this.

Butterfly

I understand the feR of being alone although my children don't have autism they are 20 & 16 and spend all their time with friends, girlfriends, boyfriends or in their rooms watching TV and at times I feel so lonely. Initially I was so scared being on my own and all I could think about it being on my own forever but now I have realised that being on my own is so much better than feeling lonely in a marriage. Being on my own has allowed me to work through my fears of being on my own and think about my life and my recovery.

I agree with everyone about trying to find support groups in the UK for parents of autistic children and for the children to participate in. I agree that you need to have an outlet for yourself and friends to talk to. Are you involved with alanon?

amy55

Hi Tansy,

Thank you for sharing. I'm responding because my friends have a 24 year old son with autism. I'm also from the US, but I did google UK. He goes to day development 3 times a week from 9 to 3. He is also on bowling teams, pays baseball, bocce ball, long distance walking, he goes to all kinds of parties that are sponsored through autism groups.

The state also pays for 18 hours a week for a companion to socialize with him.

How old are your sons?

I would suggest before moving to find out how active these support groups are in the area that you are planning to move to.

There would be a lot of socialization for you there also, because the parents bring their child to these events, and they all know each other.

Also what my friends found out here is even though he is considered autistic, his IQ is low, which also qualifies him as learning disabled. There are additional support groups for that also.

((((((((hugs))))))))

Tansy

Thanks for the ideas. They are 15. It never occurred to me to try and get any support for them cos I've never found any before. One won't actually leave the house so it's always going to be difficult no matter what I do but I might be able to find something to go to if he will go out. He won't at the moment. The alternative is to get someone in to sit with him but that takes a lot of fighting for in the UK. It all looks good on paper lol. There's no Alanon here but there is where I'm moving to so that something I can do then...hopefully.

amy55

Education and school services: under-16s - | autism | Asperger syndrome |

Try the above link, perhaps there is someone you can get some info from or other places to contact. What about the school, can they offer any referrals of places to contact.
dig as much as you can. You can find help. Also once you touch base with one, there will be parents who will give you more information that they have already looked into. This is something that I do for my friends son about 2 - 3 hours a week, and I get paid to watch a movie with him, or play Wii.

I don't live in the UK, so it's hard for me to research since I do not know where you will be moving to.

Just try to get in touch with one organization, they can tell you about the others, and each one you are referred to ask questions there.

My friends have been in a new State for the last 3 years, and they are still uncovering additional help out here.

Also, if you can, VOLUNTEER !!!!!! Can't stress that enough. You will be with people, and you will be notified of new happenings going on.

Join a support group for parents with autistic children. A lot of them already know the "ins" and "outs". For your son that does not like to leave the house, they might be able to have someone come over to socialize with him.

hopeful4

I have a friend with an autistic son who does not like to go out, so she hires a "sitter" when she wants to go out. She found that the local college there would also let the sitters contribute this to their time they have to spend for clinicals, so for those students this is a win/win situation. Something to think about. I am in the states but would definitely check with the schools/colleges there.

My sister's step son has Asbergers (sp?), I know how difficult life can be. However, there are camps and different places that are starting to offer more for kids with these specific issues. I encourage you to seek out all you can where you will be moving to.

Good luck and God Bless to you!

Butterfly

Do you have a disability social worker if so he/she should be accessing supports for you and for your boys. If not contact social services and request an assessment. You should also be entitled to a carers assessment which will also highlight what supports you need to care for your boys but how you can be supported. I would also look into direct payments these are payments made directly to you which you can use for a regular sitter for the boys. You are entitled to a carers assessment by law I can't guarantee that you will receive direct payments. Request a carers assessment it may help you.