Windancer

This morning I am feeling motivated, and ambitious. I want to get my new life going....but like a lot of people, I want it NOW. I know it wont happen that way, I have to work for it and endure the ups and downs.
Im working on making my own healing/self help space upstairs. That will give me a sanctuary if I need time alone.

And Im trying to focus on the many things I am so blessed for. Im grateful for the fact I can overcome this and Im still alive, my loved ones haven't given up on me, I live on a beautiful farm, I am lucky enough to have 3 horses as my best friends, I have my own layer hens, Greg supports me and treats me like a queen (when Im sober), we may be moving to an ever nicer farm up north, I have many talents and a lot of potential that I have the key to unlock, Im grateful I didn't hurt anyone while driving drunk, Im grateful I got caught driving drunk despite jail time (I do NOT need a potential weapon on wheels when I cannot trust myself with booze), I have my health (healing does need to happen after the alcohol abuse, but it can be done), Im grateful for my lovely cats, the country view outside my window right now. And I am extremely grateful for SR and the many wonderful members.

Im thankful I spoke to and got to know Laurie a bit before she left to cross the Rainbow Bridge. That hit me hard last night.

Today, I must be careful not to overwhelm myself. One thing at a time. And Ive got to eat, despite no appetite. And sleep tonight hopefully....I got about 2 hrs last night.

Windancer

I also know the tough one will also be coming off the benzos completely. One thing at a time I guess. Then the codependency.

Windancer

and my mood just went to sh*t. So much has happened lately. In the past 2 weeks, my mare ripped her leg open, the van broke down and left us stranded, the next day lightning hit the house and fried everything, then my gelding got into the feed room and had a colic scare, and now the water pump is f*cked and I have to dig up a freakin well by myself when im weak and exhausted. lwjbfvlwejfvblwekb

Windancer

Greg and I were doing fine yesterday, now the stress levels are up, he has had all this to deal with too, and both of us are sensitive and short tempered right now. GAAAH

Windancer

Grrr. I have to patience right now. im even talking to myself. ill force myself to make a vegetable juice I guess and start cleaning SOMETHING.

Lostinhk

It's okay Windancer... The situation might be crappy but you can handle it without any help from substances which you know won't help at all.

I'm sorry to hear about your horses and I hope they're okay. I absolutely love horses and wish I could afford my own!

Windancer

They are ok. I just didn't need it to happen all at once. Im prescribed the benzos short term to just get over the first week or so of not drinking....my MD knows all about my past and everything.

tonib

It seems like when u quit drinking all kind of bad things start happening in your life at first... but just ride it out an deal with it soberly. I know its hard though... in on day 10 an overtime i have a bad day i immediately think of booze, but i fight the cravings an ride it out. You can do this, you have so many good things going for you.

Windancer

Logically I know I have many good things and I blessed....it makes me angry with myself that I don't feel them or appreciate them right now when I should.

Anna

Windancer,

You're doing well, just focus on one thing at a time. It's really hard to be faced with life and all it's problems in early recovery, but have faith that you can get through this. Slowly but surely, things can be sorted and you will be fine.

Hawkeye13

I have a farm and two horses and know how you feel.

Last week one of my dogs got bitten by a Copperhead.
(She's fine, but it was pretty stressful for awhile)

There's always something to deal with with livestock and farm infrastructure.
Just be kind to yourself, get some juice down, and do one thing at a time.

The most important thing is not drinking, and keeping your cool.
Each alcohol-free day will help, emotionally and physically.
Greg will feel better as he sees you are absolutely committed to sobriety
and his tension will ease up--right now everything is most likely very volatile.
Don't let anything trigger you, and realize it will get better.

Remember, sober time is your friend. . . you can do this.

Windancer

Thank you Hawkeye and Anna. I just ate some organic eggs, avocado and toast and some leftover roasted carrots. First thing ive eaten in 2 days. Maybe ill go for a walk and have a nap....I can wake up and hopefully be more productive then.

Keeping it in the day

There was a sensory room in the rehab I was in. Lights, slides of peaceful scenes, lots of gypsy beads. Music. An empty canvas awaits you. There is so much you could do with a room to make it your peacehaven, bolthole.

Windancer

That is what I plan to do Jude

PurpleKnight

One day at a time, gradual steps!!

RolyPoly

With all that crap going on isn't it nice to know drinking and hangovers aren't additional burdens on top of it? You're strong. Hang in there. We're all rooting for you.

pinkynel

Day two for me too, but I feel pretty good. It's a bit of a roller coaster ride to begin with, but I know I'm lucky too. Let's hang in . . .

escapist

You have a lot of stress right now. I think the water pump thing would blow me away. The only thing that could be worse right now would be trying to handle it drunk. Life is too tough way too much, I know.
You encouraged me when I stopped drinking in 2012. I remember that you really cared about others. Like you said to me.... hang in there, you can do it!!

Windancer

Thanks, escapist. I remember you too. The fridge is blown too . This is been a VERY VERY expensive couple weeks. But, it would be so much more expensive if I was still drinking.