Halfway there after this weekend
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
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Halfway there after this weekend
Well folks....entering weekend numero four of my intermittent sentence.
2 more to go after this one! The weekends are pretty much all the same in terms of what to expect with guards, food, "jail" stuff. The women haven't rotated much, been in with the same ones for the most part, which is actually good. To a certain degree, I walk in Fridays feeling I KNOW them and so there will be no surprises with them either. That being said, there could also be new people thrown in the mix, it's hit or miss.
I have to chuckle when I get texts from friends on Sunday asking "so? how was it? did you have an ok weekend?"
Um, no. It's jail. Nothing changes. It's the same horrible crap every weekend. The strip search doesn't change. The horrible food doesn't change. The guards who treat you like you are nothing more than dirt on their shoe doesn't change. The awful cement beds don't change. The feeling of extreme boredom and too much time in your head (which is dangerous territory for me at times) doesn't change. The anxiety of being "on guard" doesn't change.
It doesn't get better. Jail sucks. I'm just glad I was able to do mine like this and not straight time. Small blessings right?
BUT what is getting better is me. Slowly. In small changes. I was originally torn between doing these weekends right now (summer)..my lawyer gave me an option to have this remanded until fall/winter. I'm glad I did them now. I'm the "let's get it over with" kinda gal. No point in delaying the inevitable right?
I think this was a good decision for a few reasons. The main one - it's patio season. Having to spend most of my summer in jail on weekends has made my journey down the path of sobriety that much easier to navigate in the early weeks/months (day 68 today). I didn't choose to do them for that at the time, but I'm glad I did b/c let's be honest - it's tough to quit anytime, but personally...the summer makes it harder with bbq's, outdoor concerts and patios. I love me my patios. So, this time spent locked up, thinking, reflecting...has made it much easier for me to travel this road. I work a very busy Mon-Fri job so powering through the weekdays is easy. It's the weekends that are a bit of a tricky bitch.
I also find I am much more patient than I was even a month ago. Things that used to "irk" or peeve me, don't. They just don't bug me lately. I don't know if that's b/c of the jail and not having any say in a damn thing that happens or just getting sober, maybe both?
I've learned to not judge a book by it's cover. You don't know what that other person has suffered or gone through or IS going through. I've met some interesting characters in there. I've learned to also shut my mouth at times and just walk away. It's a mindf*** being in a place that you have NO say in what happens. The guards are God in there. IF they wanted, they could find a reason to keep you there longer, throw you in solitary, not feed you..etc...so you learn pretty quick to mind your P's and Q's.
You learn to be appreciative of the small things. Like my 2 slices of bread I get. If it wasn't for those 2 damned slices of bread, I'd starve for 2 days!!! LOL - the food really is THAT bad.
You learn to be creative with your time, b/c really...that's all you have. Time. and it passes veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy slowly. It's almost like it stands still. A weekend feels like a week. I've taken to watching a family of groundhogs that I can see outside my cell.
Peeps - Groundhogs are boring!!!! haha they are so boring.
I'm learning to start to try and enjoy my time with myself (AAAAAAAAAHHHHH), in my own skin, my thoughts...all the stuff I used booze to try and run from. I don't have that option in there.
So - 3 more. I can do this. I AM doing it. And even though I feel it's broken me down in a few ways, I can also see it's rebuilding me at the same time.
Thanks for listening
jups
Hope everyone has a great sober weekend!
2 more to go after this one! The weekends are pretty much all the same in terms of what to expect with guards, food, "jail" stuff. The women haven't rotated much, been in with the same ones for the most part, which is actually good. To a certain degree, I walk in Fridays feeling I KNOW them and so there will be no surprises with them either. That being said, there could also be new people thrown in the mix, it's hit or miss.
I have to chuckle when I get texts from friends on Sunday asking "so? how was it? did you have an ok weekend?"
Um, no. It's jail. Nothing changes. It's the same horrible crap every weekend. The strip search doesn't change. The horrible food doesn't change. The guards who treat you like you are nothing more than dirt on their shoe doesn't change. The awful cement beds don't change. The feeling of extreme boredom and too much time in your head (which is dangerous territory for me at times) doesn't change. The anxiety of being "on guard" doesn't change.
It doesn't get better. Jail sucks. I'm just glad I was able to do mine like this and not straight time. Small blessings right?
BUT what is getting better is me. Slowly. In small changes. I was originally torn between doing these weekends right now (summer)..my lawyer gave me an option to have this remanded until fall/winter. I'm glad I did them now. I'm the "let's get it over with" kinda gal. No point in delaying the inevitable right?
I think this was a good decision for a few reasons. The main one - it's patio season. Having to spend most of my summer in jail on weekends has made my journey down the path of sobriety that much easier to navigate in the early weeks/months (day 68 today). I didn't choose to do them for that at the time, but I'm glad I did b/c let's be honest - it's tough to quit anytime, but personally...the summer makes it harder with bbq's, outdoor concerts and patios. I love me my patios. So, this time spent locked up, thinking, reflecting...has made it much easier for me to travel this road. I work a very busy Mon-Fri job so powering through the weekdays is easy. It's the weekends that are a bit of a tricky bitch.
I also find I am much more patient than I was even a month ago. Things that used to "irk" or peeve me, don't. They just don't bug me lately. I don't know if that's b/c of the jail and not having any say in a damn thing that happens or just getting sober, maybe both?
I've learned to not judge a book by it's cover. You don't know what that other person has suffered or gone through or IS going through. I've met some interesting characters in there. I've learned to also shut my mouth at times and just walk away. It's a mindf*** being in a place that you have NO say in what happens. The guards are God in there. IF they wanted, they could find a reason to keep you there longer, throw you in solitary, not feed you..etc...so you learn pretty quick to mind your P's and Q's.
You learn to be appreciative of the small things. Like my 2 slices of bread I get. If it wasn't for those 2 damned slices of bread, I'd starve for 2 days!!! LOL - the food really is THAT bad.
You learn to be creative with your time, b/c really...that's all you have. Time. and it passes veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy slowly. It's almost like it stands still. A weekend feels like a week. I've taken to watching a family of groundhogs that I can see outside my cell.
Peeps - Groundhogs are boring!!!! haha they are so boring.
I'm learning to start to try and enjoy my time with myself (AAAAAAAAAHHHHH), in my own skin, my thoughts...all the stuff I used booze to try and run from. I don't have that option in there.
So - 3 more. I can do this. I AM doing it. And even though I feel it's broken me down in a few ways, I can also see it's rebuilding me at the same time.
Thanks for listening
jups
Hope everyone has a great sober weekend!
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Wow..girlfriend. I had forgotten you were enduring the weekend klink. I used to do legal advocacy for prisoners in my 30's. I have been inside. I have dealt with corrections' staff. Oh..I don't envy you my friend.
I admire you my friend. What you are saying about how you are using that time to befriend yourself...deal with your own interiors? That's amazing stuff.
You're definitely a glass half full kinda gal. That makes the road of life a little easier to navigate. You have my respect...in spades.
I admire you my friend. What you are saying about how you are using that time to befriend yourself...deal with your own interiors? That's amazing stuff.
You're definitely a glass half full kinda gal. That makes the road of life a little easier to navigate. You have my respect...in spades.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Jups, you've done so well to keep your positive attitude in the face of the fear and boredom you're dealing with. I have a feeling that the lessons learned about life during these weekends are going to stay with you.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by Jupiters 
I also find I am much more patient than I was even a month ago. Things that used to "irk" or peeve me, don't. They just don't bug me lately. I don't know if that's b/c of the jail and not having any say in a damn thing that happens or just getting sober, maybe both?
What a great post. You are powering through this rough time in a positive way. You have strength that you couldn't see before but it was probably always there.
Well done! Keep going, you've got this.
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Join Date: May 2014
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I should mention as well another lesson being instilled - humility.
I didn't realize how UNhumbled (is that even a word? it is now!
) I was prior to this. The entire gongshow has brought me to a whole new level of this.
Pride? well that flew out the window too!
thx for all your encouraging words and support!
so happy I found this board that day I was checking into detox.
I didn't realize how UNhumbled (is that even a word? it is now!
) I was prior to this. The entire gongshow has brought me to a whole new level of this. Pride? well that flew out the window too!
thx for all your encouraging words and support!
so happy I found this board that day I was checking into detox.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
way to go jups! thanks for that "letter from jail' 
kinda like ground hog day all over again...
btw, did you give the little critters names yet? Maybe name one of them after me?
keep up your spirit, think of it as a weekend off -
hang in there, you are an inspiration.
kinda like ground hog day all over again...
btw, did you give the little critters names yet? Maybe name one of them after me?
keep up your spirit, think of it as a weekend off -
hang in there, you are an inspiration.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Jupiters... may your time there pass quickly. Amazingly positive attitude you have! I have much respect and admiration for the way you are dealing. You seem to be taking away some invaluable lessons from it all. You go, girl!
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Originally Posted by LBrain
btw, did you give the little critters names yet? Maybe name one of them after me?
The other 2 were more active and would be in different spots every
time I looked out my window. I should call him LUMP.
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I actually started watching that after my 2nd weekend. I'm hooked. I just started season 2 last night
there were a few "OMG this is surreal" moments.
I'm still struggling with dinner at 4:30pm.
there were a few "OMG this is surreal" moments.
I'm still struggling with dinner at 4:30pm.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Lol...I started season 2 this past week, on the 3rd episode now. I can only imagine what this show is like for you. Anyhow, keep up the solid work. Are you in Kingston? With the groundhog comment, I am guessing you are not in the one on the water.
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