changes
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: mass
Posts: 87
changes
Hello everyone,
My name is Lin and I am an alcoholic. I just completed my 8th month of sobriety. All in all it has been good. Ihave had a few tempting moments and a few bouts of is this all there is to life depressive thoughts but am praying and haning in going to meetings. I mays need to make some big changes in my life to be happier only it would hurt another. I have decided not to make any big moves untill I have one year. How do you live with a decesion that hurt someone else. I think the guilt will get to me so I probably will stay in an unhappy situation.. I am going out after work friday with the girls from work. only 1 knows i go to AA. I want to go and think Ill be ok with a coke. So I am going to need a story for one girl that is very noisey and will have tons of questions.
Welcome to all you new bies.
Lin
My name is Lin and I am an alcoholic. I just completed my 8th month of sobriety. All in all it has been good. Ihave had a few tempting moments and a few bouts of is this all there is to life depressive thoughts but am praying and haning in going to meetings. I mays need to make some big changes in my life to be happier only it would hurt another. I have decided not to make any big moves untill I have one year. How do you live with a decesion that hurt someone else. I think the guilt will get to me so I probably will stay in an unhappy situation.. I am going out after work friday with the girls from work. only 1 knows i go to AA. I want to go and think Ill be ok with a coke. So I am going to need a story for one girl that is very noisey and will have tons of questions.
Welcome to all you new bies.
Lin
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario
Posts: 1,027
At the end, you need to do what's best for you and thus if it means hurting another person - so be it. As per you having a coke when you go out, it's your personal decision and it comes from how strong you are and how well you trust yourself... Tell the other girl(s) that you have personal health problems if they get noisy if you decide to go out.. Make sure you bring a cell phone and call your sponsor if you get tempted.. Also, your other friend that knows you go to AA should be supportive of you not drinking and tell the others to mind their own business, or simply play it off...
Paused
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 38
you just took an allergy pill....DARN these summer allergies, anyway, lol....and alcohol on top of THAT will just totally wipe you out. You've done it before and you were dead tired within a 1/2 hour.
No, you aren't sure WHAT you are allergic too....must be something blooming right now! And it was Benadryl that you took
.
No, you aren't sure WHAT you are allergic too....must be something blooming right now! And it was Benadryl that you took
.
Paused
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: New York City N.Y.
Posts: 29
hi lin, i'm bill, alcoholic, if the other person you care about cares about you half as much, they'll be ok with you getting sober and moving on in life. yes there can be pain, but that's just life on lifes terms. it's about you doing anything you can to stay sober.
you mentioned all there is to life being depressive thoughts. no, thats definitely not all there is to life, matter of fact, i find it's a very small part of life these days. i learned that through my step work. through my daily practice of the 12 steps i live a happy, joyous, and free life for the most part. yeah i still have my moments of depression, and sadness, and hurt, but it doesn't last anymore, i don't dwell in it. i've learned how to accept what i can and turn over what i can't.
ask around about this, please just don't take the word of this alcoholic, fel free to get second third, forth....ect. opinions on this!
8 months, way to go kid! start doing step work and keep adding days to those months!
you mentioned all there is to life being depressive thoughts. no, thats definitely not all there is to life, matter of fact, i find it's a very small part of life these days. i learned that through my step work. through my daily practice of the 12 steps i live a happy, joyous, and free life for the most part. yeah i still have my moments of depression, and sadness, and hurt, but it doesn't last anymore, i don't dwell in it. i've learned how to accept what i can and turn over what i can't.
ask around about this, please just don't take the word of this alcoholic, fel free to get second third, forth....ect. opinions on this!
8 months, way to go kid! start doing step work and keep adding days to those months!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,517
Hi Lin,
Congratulations on 8 months! And, you're right, it's not always an easy journey, but it's so worth it.
And, you do need to do what is right for you. Be true to yourself and try to put the guilt aside. It's not easy, but you deserve happiness.
As for the excuses for not drinking, I have to admit that's one of my pet peeves. Why do we feel like we owe people an explanation? Have fun tonight!
Love, Anna
Congratulations on 8 months! And, you're right, it's not always an easy journey, but it's so worth it.
And, you do need to do what is right for you. Be true to yourself and try to put the guilt aside. It's not easy, but you deserve happiness.
As for the excuses for not drinking, I have to admit that's one of my pet peeves. Why do we feel like we owe people an explanation? Have fun tonight!
Love, Anna
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Eastern Massachusetts
Posts: 55
Lin - Congratulations on your accomplishment!
I agree with the previous posters, most if not all of whom said that you need to honor yourself in your relationships with others. You're giving up this unhealthy relationship you have with alcohol because you saw the damage it was doing to you; staying in an unhappy relationship is somewhat parallel, isn't it, in that you maintain the tie even though you know it's not good for you, and you look for ways to rationalize it. That sounds sort of accusatory, which I do not mean; I'm trying to say that we alcoholics are good at finding ways to undermine ourselves. For me, part of my recovery is going to have to lift myself up in areas such as goal setting, self esteem, and giving my own needs (and sometimes plain old wants) the priority I deserve.
Re: explaining the not drinking. First, isn't it troublesome that we feel we need to do this? As if we need to explain ourselves to others (see 4 lines up). But secondly, I like to make up some tragically-romantic, as yet undiagnosed set of symptoms. Then poof, a week later, cured!
I agree with the previous posters, most if not all of whom said that you need to honor yourself in your relationships with others. You're giving up this unhealthy relationship you have with alcohol because you saw the damage it was doing to you; staying in an unhappy relationship is somewhat parallel, isn't it, in that you maintain the tie even though you know it's not good for you, and you look for ways to rationalize it. That sounds sort of accusatory, which I do not mean; I'm trying to say that we alcoholics are good at finding ways to undermine ourselves. For me, part of my recovery is going to have to lift myself up in areas such as goal setting, self esteem, and giving my own needs (and sometimes plain old wants) the priority I deserve.
Re: explaining the not drinking. First, isn't it troublesome that we feel we need to do this? As if we need to explain ourselves to others (see 4 lines up). But secondly, I like to make up some tragically-romantic, as yet undiagnosed set of symptoms. Then poof, a week later, cured!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: mass
Posts: 87
Thanks everyone,
all your advice was helpful. I am trying very hard to do the right thing. I have a hard time where the serenety prayer asks "for the wisdom to know the difference." Then I think maybe I'm into my self to much and need to do for others more. I feel like a dry drunk . I stopped drinking but am still thinking the same. Its hard to explain. Could be just a bad day when its all overwelming. One of my friend in AA started drinking again and that scares me she was doing so good. I am still on step 3. My sponcer is a busy person, and I am not good about callling her, so I do not feel I have advanced.
thanks again,
Lin
all your advice was helpful. I am trying very hard to do the right thing. I have a hard time where the serenety prayer asks "for the wisdom to know the difference." Then I think maybe I'm into my self to much and need to do for others more. I feel like a dry drunk . I stopped drinking but am still thinking the same. Its hard to explain. Could be just a bad day when its all overwelming. One of my friend in AA started drinking again and that scares me she was doing so good. I am still on step 3. My sponcer is a busy person, and I am not good about callling her, so I do not feel I have advanced.
thanks again,
Lin
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Maybe you need to find a different sponsor? It's far from unheard of and I am sure your current sponsor would understand. If they don't, they are not working the program very well themselves, and..... point made. Anyway, CONGRATULATIONS on 8 months!!! That is so very awesome. However, you sound like you are not very spiritually fit right now, and for that reason I would be very concerned about going into a dangerous situation--where other people are drinking. Is there anyway you can take one of your sober friends with you? That way you aren't the only one drinking. People I have talked to in AA have told me I should not go anywhere where there will be drinking, unless I have a purpose in being there. Anyway... I am sorry to be kind of preachy. I just would hate to see any of my family in sobriety set themselves up to fail. Great advice to take a cell phone with you if you can. Last time I was in a similar situation my plan for scary thinking was: first, PRAY!!! and if that didn't work, CALL MY SPONSOR (or any other support person) and if that didn't work, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE AND GO TO A MEETING!!! Best of luck to you. We are all here for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: mass
Posts: 87
thanks Lu.
Thanks for the great advice and you arent being preachy. . I going to talk to my sponcer? She is really very nice just doesnt have much time. Its partly me too ause I never call the girl.I just feel like I am not making progress, but then again not drinking for 8 months is SOMETHING. Its myself I am not happy with . Still carrying resentments ect. Its a down week . My old theropist whom I loved passed away, and a friend of my daughter's comitted suicide.
I think Ill be ok Out with the girls where one of them knows, Ill feel she is watching me, but ill bring my cell in case.
Love
Lin
Thanks for the great advice and you arent being preachy. . I going to talk to my sponcer? She is really very nice just doesnt have much time. Its partly me too ause I never call the girl.I just feel like I am not making progress, but then again not drinking for 8 months is SOMETHING. Its myself I am not happy with . Still carrying resentments ect. Its a down week . My old theropist whom I loved passed away, and a friend of my daughter's comitted suicide.
I think Ill be ok Out with the girls where one of them knows, Ill feel she is watching me, but ill bring my cell in case.
Love
Lin
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Charlottesville,VA
Posts: 14
Lin,
I feel for you-I had to make alot of decisions that didn't exactly make me feel comfortable when I got clean. First of all, the hurt you think you are going to cause another is probably not nearly as bad as the hurt you are causing yourself right now and you are what is important. I left a man I thought I loved for 6 years after I stopped using and I knew that I was going to hurt him but I also knew that if I didn't it would only get worse for him and me. I ask my higher power to take over and he did, today we are able to communicate and be friends, yes there was pain at first but it soon goes away. As to going out with girlfriends that still drink and you feel like you have to make up a story-this is a honest program, so I suggest you be honest with yourself and think about people, places and things. Congradulations on 8 months!!!
I feel for you-I had to make alot of decisions that didn't exactly make me feel comfortable when I got clean. First of all, the hurt you think you are going to cause another is probably not nearly as bad as the hurt you are causing yourself right now and you are what is important. I left a man I thought I loved for 6 years after I stopped using and I knew that I was going to hurt him but I also knew that if I didn't it would only get worse for him and me. I ask my higher power to take over and he did, today we are able to communicate and be friends, yes there was pain at first but it soon goes away. As to going out with girlfriends that still drink and you feel like you have to make up a story-this is a honest program, so I suggest you be honest with yourself and think about people, places and things. Congradulations on 8 months!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Congratulations on your 8 months! I'm so proud of you. As for miss nosey body, you simply can say, you don't drink anymore as it just doesn't agree with you. Period. It's none of her business anyway.
I know it's easy to get complacent in the program, but give yourself a boost by calling your sponsor, making a few new meetings, and get on that journaling. (which I'm terrible at but find it necessary). Your doing so good, and yes 8 months is awesome, keep up the good work.
I know it's easy to get complacent in the program, but give yourself a boost by calling your sponsor, making a few new meetings, and get on that journaling. (which I'm terrible at but find it necessary). Your doing so good, and yes 8 months is awesome, keep up the good work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: mass
Posts: 87
Hi Chy and thank you. Ill let you all know how I do tomorrow. Journaling EH! I forgot all about that!!! Some days are better than others, but thery are all better than they were when I was drinking thats for sure.. There are so many new people here. Thank God for this site. I would not be where I am today had I not stumbled on this site one day last October. Keep comming all you newcommers!!! I hope all my old buddies that I do not see here anymore are OK.
Lin
thankful to be sober today
Lin
thankful to be sober today
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Lin
I'm Rowan, and I'm an alcoholic. Congratulations on 8 months! I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal, and I think the advice that you received here is right on the money. When I feel like my thinking hasn't changed, it's usually because I'm keeping it stuffed inside again and am reluctant to share it with someone, even my sponsor, because it will make me feel vulnerable. Anyway, that's just me.
I went out with the girls from work one night to celebrate a friend's birthday not too long ago, and most of them knew I was in AA. And the others who didn't, and said 'hey why aren't you drinking?' I told them directly but not unkindly that I quit drinking some time ago because I no longer could predict what would happen once I got started. It usually led to some interesting conversations. I can't recall a time that I was judged for this; if anything, I think I gained some respect in their eyes. It makes me feel terrific to go out and drink something nonalcoholic, then drive home SOBER and to my own bed ALONE and to wake up not hungover and grateful for another day of clean living. Call your sponsor. If she doesn't have time, let her tell you that; don't assume she's too busy for you. Be careful you're not creating a cop-out for yourself there. Keep going to lots of meetings, and I hope to hear from you more here! Keep coming back I think you're doing terrific!
Love, Rowan
I'm Rowan, and I'm an alcoholic. Congratulations on 8 months! I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal, and I think the advice that you received here is right on the money. When I feel like my thinking hasn't changed, it's usually because I'm keeping it stuffed inside again and am reluctant to share it with someone, even my sponsor, because it will make me feel vulnerable. Anyway, that's just me.
I went out with the girls from work one night to celebrate a friend's birthday not too long ago, and most of them knew I was in AA. And the others who didn't, and said 'hey why aren't you drinking?' I told them directly but not unkindly that I quit drinking some time ago because I no longer could predict what would happen once I got started. It usually led to some interesting conversations. I can't recall a time that I was judged for this; if anything, I think I gained some respect in their eyes. It makes me feel terrific to go out and drink something nonalcoholic, then drive home SOBER and to my own bed ALONE and to wake up not hungover and grateful for another day of clean living. Call your sponsor. If she doesn't have time, let her tell you that; don't assume she's too busy for you. Be careful you're not creating a cop-out for yourself there. Keep going to lots of meetings, and I hope to hear from you more here! Keep coming back I think you're doing terrific!
Love, Rowan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: mass
Posts: 87
thanks Rownan,
I know i keep it allin.
This has been an ongoing problem of mine right along. I am having a hard time saying how I feel. One thing I do know is I feel better not drinking. There are still some big changes to be made down the road which know ais not going to be pleasent.
I went out this afternoon with the girls forom work. Before we went, I told one of them I'll go but I quit drinking ( not the noisey one). I said i stopped 8j months ago caause it doesnt go well with the meds I take plus I like to see once in awhile if I NEED to drink. She was Wow thats great. It was not totaly honest but It is my business. The noisey one never said a word about it. I had 2 Odules. I know theat isnt great. Well I am off to a meeting. Ill log on later.
Love to you all
Lin
I know i keep it allin.
This has been an ongoing problem of mine right along. I am having a hard time saying how I feel. One thing I do know is I feel better not drinking. There are still some big changes to be made down the road which know ais not going to be pleasent.
I went out this afternoon with the girls forom work. Before we went, I told one of them I'll go but I quit drinking ( not the noisey one). I said i stopped 8j months ago caause it doesnt go well with the meds I take plus I like to see once in awhile if I NEED to drink. She was Wow thats great. It was not totaly honest but It is my business. The noisey one never said a word about it. I had 2 Odules. I know theat isnt great. Well I am off to a meeting. Ill log on later.
Love to you all
Lin
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