Almost Blew It Yesterday
Almost Blew It Yesterday
Nothing went right yesterday and I guess I was overwhelmed. So many emotions right now..wish I could get everything sorted out. I know it will take time.
After work, I found myself driving to the gas station. Parked. Sat there. Arguing with myself that I could just have one and calm down. Been there so many times before, knowing all too well that "just one" for me will be one case and the cycle will begin again.....
I thought about the thread here on HALT. I believe it was Purpleknight that said he thought about that alot in early sobriety. I have renamed mine to HALTS. I had to add stress into my triggers. And yes, I was dealing with all of them yesterday. Just feeling sorry for myself I guess, so I'm sorry.
The guilt, shame, and disappointment in myself for even being there hit me, and I left and drove home. Went for a walk and ran into one of my neighbors, who is a recovered alcoholic (more than 20 years). We talked for quite a while and I am very thankful for him.
I was close, but didn't drink. Still angry and disappointed in myself this morning. I have to take one day at a time.
Today I will not drink.
After work, I found myself driving to the gas station. Parked. Sat there. Arguing with myself that I could just have one and calm down. Been there so many times before, knowing all too well that "just one" for me will be one case and the cycle will begin again.....
I thought about the thread here on HALT. I believe it was Purpleknight that said he thought about that alot in early sobriety. I have renamed mine to HALTS. I had to add stress into my triggers. And yes, I was dealing with all of them yesterday. Just feeling sorry for myself I guess, so I'm sorry.
The guilt, shame, and disappointment in myself for even being there hit me, and I left and drove home. Went for a walk and ran into one of my neighbors, who is a recovered alcoholic (more than 20 years). We talked for quite a while and I am very thankful for him.
I was close, but didn't drink. Still angry and disappointed in myself this morning. I have to take one day at a time.
Today I will not drink.
Luper- a huge congrats on making it through and not drinking. Each time you win one of those internal struggles, you gain a bit more strength. Turn those negative feelings of disappointment and shame into pride and accomplishment. It's not easy, but you did it!
By the way I like adding the S, stress is a huge trigger for me too!
By the way I like adding the S, stress is a huge trigger for me too!
Last edited by ForMeForThem; 07-03-2014 at 03:30 AM. Reason: .
There is no need to feel disappointed. You were challenged and you rose to the occasion. That is excellent! You will be challenged a lot if sobriety is your goal, just keep at it one day at a time. This was a success not a failure Luper. Way to go!
Well done Luper ... you beat that AV last night! Stress is a huge trigger for me too. Acceptance that I can't control everything and learning how to "let go" of all the crap I can't control helps me with it. Sometimes just saying the serenity prayer when I am feeling really stressed helps to diffuse it so that it doesn't turn into a full-blown craving. You are winning this war one battle and one day at a time.!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Luper...I found one particular fight with the AV one day so exhausting, it just knocked me around so much. And I felt overwhelmed, that this thing was so big that I was rocked to my core, arguing with it over a damn drink.
But, I am so glad for that day now. I stood up to that Mofo of a "thing" and stood up for what I want, and what I want my life to look like and I knew my life was so much bigger and better sober, no matter what happened, than it could ever be with a drink.
Big hugs...those times suck, but are worth it.
But, I am so glad for that day now. I stood up to that Mofo of a "thing" and stood up for what I want, and what I want my life to look like and I knew my life was so much bigger and better sober, no matter what happened, than it could ever be with a drink.
Big hugs...those times suck, but are worth it.
Dont be angry with yourself! I am beyond proud of you! Talked yourself out of that parking lot, going for a walk. Than meeting up with your neighbor, that was meant to be! How well did you sleep last night? So much better than if you had those beers I bet!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 943
You shouldn't be angry or disappointed in yourself, yesterday you faced a battle and WON!! Im hoping that everytime we are faced with a challenge that we want to drink resisting is like building up a muscle! you did great yesterday and you can again! X
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