Lola23

Hey Everyone,

So I've been thinking a lot the last couple of days about some replies I had on a few recent posts. At a few dinners I've been to recently, I was feeling tempted and a weak, but got through it (ESPECIALLY by reading everyone's replies...thanks again!) A few people mentioned that maybe I should be easier on myself and not put myself in those situations...maybe do something "alcohol free" for a while, until I feel stronger.

Now, I totally agree with that in theory. But HOW?? I would not go to a bar where the only point is to drink, but meeting people for dinner means I will be around alcohol since I don't know ANY restuarant that doesn't serve (except maybe fast food?). Even coffee shops around me sell beer and wine, so the last time I was at a coffee shop to sit outside and read, the people near me were drinking...and I def. felt a little temptation (not bad, just a little).

I'm not disagreeing with folks, I agree it would be easier if I just didn't have the temptation, but it seems to be all around. I have made it a point to fill my weekends with other activities, but those activities still involve alcohol. For example, this evening I'm going to a play downtown with a friend. The playhouse serves beer/wine/cocktails in the beautiful lobby before the show... Yes, I can avoid being around it, but that means I hustle straight into the play house instead of socializing with folks before the show, (which is kinda part of the fun). Also you can drink in there, so people around me may still be drinking. Tomorrow I have plans to meet a friend at an open air market and art show. Sounds fun huh? I thought so too, but of course they have beer and wine stands all throughout the market. I won't have any, but I'm just saying...its everywhere.


I don't know what my point is. I guess I don't have one. Just wanted to put it out there and hear any thoughts.

melki

Hi Lola. It is also not an option for me to stay away from situations and people drinking - it is EVERYWHERE I go: family dinners, girls nights, even some of the kids' birthday parties! What helps me is the mental resolve beforehand, completely removing that option from my mind - I will NOT drink there. Not will I pick up a fancy girly drink offered at a party, not will I just nurse one beer or glass of wine for the night. I will NOT drink anything alcoholic, period. Once that option is removed from my mind, it's easier to focus on the situation and people and enjoy yourself.

PurpleKnight

Hey Lola,

The way I look at it is alcohol is always going to be around, but there are activities/places where the primary activity is drinking eg going to a bar, going to a club, wine tasting event etc, these places can be difficult for me to be in as drinking is the main activity.

Then there are activities were drinking is secondary to the main activity, as you mentioned going to the theatre, cinema, markets, art shows, going for coffee etc, I find it easy to detach drinking from the main point of the activity, especially as at these activities there are families with kids, not everyone in the building is drinking and so I go to these things with the view, I'm also a non drinker here at the theatre, I do this at the ice hockey games i attend, drinking is not the aim of the night, nobody buys a ticket just for the drinking, so I focus on the main activity surrounded by other families having coffee etc and all is well.

Obviously there are then activities that there is no drinking at, going for walks, some cinemas don't serve alcohol, visiting relatives etc

It always comes down to what you can handle, but getting my head around the middle category where drinking wasn't the main activity opened things up for myself when it came to activities rather than sitting in each evening!!

My 2 cents!!

LBrain

yes, it IS everywhere. but focusing on it does not help. Sure it's tough in the beginning. If you find that the temptation is too much -or it's driving you nuts - consider avoidance of these situations. What is more important right now? Staying sober or socializing where there is alcohol? Sometimes you can't have both. Until you are not obsessed with it, it's best to stay clear of it. my .02

Cathryn2001

In situations like you're describing, I've scanned the room and found many people who were not drinking--there's usually a lot more than you would think (especially at restaurants or cafés). For whatever reason, I've found great comfort in visually identifying these folks.

Best of luck to you, Lola!

Nuudawn

For me, and as others have said, I don't have an issue if my purpose at whatever event is NOT to drink alcohol. If it's a play, I'm there to watch the play. If it's a restaurant, I'm there to eat and or "break bread" with friends. Air show ..well, is to watch the air show.

I would not go to a football game though. When drinking I have because I went there with friends to drink heavy. I could care less about football. I would also not attend ANY social event (or otherwise) I did not want to really attend. I have done that before as well...and I got drunk.

Previously, if there was an event to watch paint dry..and they served alcohol. I'd go.

Lola23

Thanks guys. Getting in my head that the purpose of the event is NOT to drink, but rather, is a non-related event that happens to have alcohol around really makes sense to me! I thought about this at the play on Sat and also on Sunday and it really helped! Also, just as Cathryn2001 pointed out, I looked around and did notice a LOT of people were not drinking. Especially at the market on Sunday, most people actually were just having water, tea or whatever else, with a few people sprinkled in that were having beer or wine.

Another thing that kinda stuck with me from over the weekend -- On Sunday, the friend i was visiting the market mentioned a beer and I could tell he was a bit hesitant b/c I told him I wasn't drinking. I assured him to go right ahead and have a beer, it wouldn't bother me (it really doesn't). So he did, and then as we were sitting down having lunch, he had another beer. Then we continued walking around and he started just having water and as we were leaving he said "Ah, that was nice having a couple of beers, now I'm going to relax at home and enjoy the rest of Sunday evening." And I was thinking...yep, this is why I don't want to drink. B/c he had two beers, enjoyed them, and that's it. I on the other hand, would not have wanted to stop after two. I likely wld have kept drinking until we left. And even then, I would be thinking about what I had at home or if I needed to stop and buy something to have for the rest of the night. Just such a different way of thinking and I'm so glad that I've been sober for a few weeks now and can really distinguish that difference.

ultradad

Exactly!!! I never had 2 of anything : ) Good for you for being able to stick with your plans of sobriety!

ElleDee

I know that having someone with me who knows my issue helps me a lot. I most often have my husband or my daughter with me at events like you're mentioning. I wouldn't dare try to drink with one of them aounrd. If I was by myself, it would be a challenge to abstain.

airwick

I'm not sure what my point is either

The temptation is everywhere, it can't be avoided in everyday living.

I go to the mall, I hear mothers inviting mothers over for a glass of wine.

I go to get my oil changed in my car and I hear men inviting each other over after work to share a few brews.I

I hear young adults discussing what they will do on their dates

I see posts on Face Book of concerts, sporting events, festivals, art exhibits,

Some involve alcohol, some don't. It's different everyday That's what keeps life so inteesting

Notmyrealname

Well, you either stay away from situations where you're in close proximity with access to alcohol, or you don't. If the latter, you may suffer more in the way of temptation. For some people that's workable, and for some people it's really not workable in practice.

It's awful hard to relapse-drink if you have no access to alcohol, see, so when we discuss "best practices" for early sobriety, staying very far away from booze is a very effective recommendation. If your priorities are, however, such that it's not an option, then it's not an option.

Although if you end up repeatedly falling off the wagon in these alcohol-is-accessible situations, you may want to rethink those priorities.

Goodluck

SoberHoopsFan

Yep, I categorize it the same way. I avoid activities where drinking is the primary activity, but have learned to handle activities where drinking is secondary to the main activity. I also focus on enjoying the main activity (and moreso because I am sober) and on the fact that usually others there are not drinking and the people who are generally are having 1 or 2 (which is something that would be laughable for me to think I could do).

Being around alcohol in any capacity is almost impossible. The reality is that there is a liquor store less than half a mile from my house. I have access to alcohol pretty much 7 days a week with little inconvenience. Ultimately, we have to make the decision not to drink because it is readily available in society basically everywhere. I am now choosing not to drink and that is what each of us has to decide to do (through whatever method).

biminiblue

I live alone and have to be my own policeman.

I have gone to bars several times since I stopped drinking because they have the best atmosphere and the best burgers and wings.

I decided that nothing, no one, or no location or situation was worth going back to that dark hole of drinking again. Therefore nothing is a trigger. I am a non-drinker.

Plus, Root beer floats.