Achingforchange

Last night. Brought it home. Thought about it a lot. Finally, I just got tired of thinking about it and decided to leave it unopened and think about it again tomorrow if I wanted to. Today I am at day 36...really been struggling for the past week. Relapse almost feels inevitable to me right now.

As I wake up this morning, the urge is gone, but I worry that I am on a path going the wrong way. Husband is leaving to go out of town for the weekend tomorrow morning. He is my true accountability, as sometimes I feel like I am doing it for him - for our marriage - for my kids. I want to be sober for myself, but if I were honest - I am doing it so they have a healthy mom and wife. If my husband isn't here to know....I can envision just having a night or two to myself and then getting back on the bandwagon on Monday.

I have read enough threads on SR to know that starting sobriety again on Monday could turn into years of destruction later. I know it, but I don't KNOW it.

The weekend scares me.

tomsteve

first thing first
DUMP THE BOOZE DOWN THE DRAIN!

it would be wise to find some face to face support. comin on here reading and sharing is great, but I truly believe more support helps. it sure cant hurt.

biminiblue

If you are accountable to your husband, tell him that you bought the bottle.

Get to a meeting. If you've never been to one, now is the time.

Don't throw away your health. If you drink, this weekend will be Hell, don't even try it. Your kids deserve a sober mom.

You deserve sobriety. You're worth it, regardless of who else is in your life.

FreeOwl

you're worried you might be going the wrong way?

was your first clue the fact that you went and bought booze?

because if so, well done!! THAT is a very strong clue.

throw that crap away and find yourself a meeting. start writing down all the memories you have of horrible times involving booze. start writing down every single moment you can remember in your life that was joyous and good WITHOUT booze. get yourself active in working a foundation of sobriety or we are going to be posting encouraging supportive messages on your relapse thread soon.

hj003

Throw it out. As in NOW. Before you even read the rest of my reply. Get up this very moment and throw it out.


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Now that it's out of the way, I invite you to play out two scenarios all the way through to the end. If I look at my own experience, when I used to drink, my thinking went up to the point of drinking and it stopped there. Do this instead:

1. Think about what would have happened if you had done it. All the way through the drinking to afterward to the point where that one bottle would eventually make you a poor, unhealthy wife and mom. Realize the pain it would cause them.

2. Think about what happens now that you don't drink anymore. Play it out. Eventually you'll get better at staying sober and this "almost drinking" event is a distant memory that doesn't affect you anymore. Maybe you won't even be better at staying sober, maybe it becomes effortless and you rarely think about it anymore. In the meantime you're a wonderful, healthy wife and mom. And your husband and kids have all these great experiences with you. At one point you can look back and see all the wonderful things you have done for them. And realize how happy that makes them.

PurpleKnight

Alcohol isn't going to make anything better, a short term escape will come to a crashing end tommorrow morning and you'll feel even worse throwing away 36 Days.

Relapses are only inevitable when there is a bottle of alcohol in the house and you are sitting thinking about it, that is playing with fire, you can't drink if there is no alcohol in the house, plus no one can force you to drink.

Throw it out and reaffirm your decision to be Sober!!

Charliee

Wow!!! This is me, I feel exactly the same way. Husband left Wednesday for two weeks and I feel sometimes I only stay sober for them, not only sober but just even here in general. I am only in this world so I don't upset them, otherwise I would be out

MandalayVA

Rather than throw it out, if it hasn't been opened take it back to the store and get your money back--unless going back to the store would jitter you more, of course, then chuck it.

ultradad

I would suggest you find a support group as fast as possible! Google AA meetings in your local area and get to one, especially while your husband is away! Face to face support is very important in long time recovery!!!

Pulling for you! And yes, POUR it out now!

doggonecarl

Not inevitable, but you are definitely on the path.

I relapsed a couple weeks ago after years of being clean. The three-headed monster of availability, opportunity, and desire raised it's ugly head. That monster is facing you. Cut off one or more of its heads.

As others have suggested, eliminate availability (dump the booze) and limit opportunity by being accountable to your husband by staying sober. Yes, you have to want to get sober for you. But your husband deserves a sober you too!

Chilledice

DONT DO IT!! I had 30 days sober today and had a few beers this afternoon, NOT worthit such a let down it is! You deserve so much better! Keep going and don't believe the LIE!!

hj003

Let me guess, you didn't even enjoy them?

Chilledice

I thought I would feel so much pleasure from it! Not even close! during these 30 days I had forgotten how AWFUL it felt!!!

Soberpotamus

It always helps me to play things through in my mind. Envision what is probably going to happen. What happens to you when you drink? Fast forward to the end. For most of us, that's not a pretty sight. My typical would be to blackout after the 3rd or 4th glass of wine. And then I'd wake up to chaos the next day, and try and piece together what happened. It never fails for me to keep this in mind. So, if you want sobriety, remember the ugly truth about what drinking actually does to you.

Mek2

You need to keep in mind that after your weekend of drinking, you don't get to go to day 37. You get to start all over again, and possibly with worse withdrawals etc. it is just not worth it.

Can you have some "you time" in a different way? Order a dinner you don't usually get to have? Get a movie everyone else would not want?

ScottFromWI

Relapse is only inevitable if you willingly and knowingly choose to drink. You chose to buy a bottle, but you've also chosen not to drink it. That says something right there - you can also choose to dump it out and not buy another one.

Why not join the weekend thread here since you'll be alone? As others have suggested, you could find some local meetings to attend too. There is no fate or inevitability involved in this at all - you have 100% choice in what happens this weekend.

hj003

You know, when you're alone, there are many things you can do that are enjoyable. You can go for a walk. Or a run, if you're into that. You can't browse the internet for new hobbies and sign up for something. Sport is always good, but you might like painting better. Just an example. And once you have that one new thing you like doing, you can spend your alone time doing that. And maybe you'll find a couple of things you like doing. Or maybe you'll build up more and more activities over time. Maybe switch from one to the other.

The key is to get the fun part of your brain engaged. I see so many people posting here from a point of misery and most posts are so serious. What helps me is to enjoy. Watch a funny movie. Lighten up in general. Get into the state of being humorous. It evens out the seriousness of this all, which I find very effective.

And the following part might be a little explicit, but it's about a natural thing that does help. Sex. If you're having trouble with staying sober, go have some really good sex. In your alone time, you won't need a partner.

All these things get some good feelings flowing, which makes it a lot easier.

least

Dump the booze. Don't give in to the lie. You'll regret it if you do, so don't do it.

KAD

Couldn't agree more. My second day of quitting, I panicked and went out and bought a 5th of vodka. Like you, I didn't open it. Just wanted it nearby, just in case. In case of what?! Under advisement from some fine folks here at SR, I dumped it down the drain. Just get rid of it. You know full well what the outcome would be.

lovesymphony

Wow you already did better than me. I cannot keep alcohol in my house for any length of time.
Now think if you had drank it last night. The drink would be over. If you don't over-indulge in it, drinking really doesn't last that long and then you have to face life sober again. The brief pleasure of a few drinks isn't worth the risk of having a major relapse...and there's always a good chance you won't stop after just a few