BlueSkies1

I was thinking of telling someone on here "you have my sympathy". It sounds so hollow on a forum, so I rarely say it, and certainly don't want anyone to think I pity them.

Then I thought about that line some more.

I think we should all strive to be the type of spouse that nobody would ever say that to our spouse if they were to tell the truth about us. To live clean enough lives that no story about us would ever evoke those words. Applying it to our own side of the street.

What a nice one-liner, sums up nicely to me what we all want from a spouse, first (and often thought of as a given!), before the actual GOOD stuff. And something we should give our spouse in return. As in a given. As in without them having to ever tell us that they would appreciate that.

I want to be a spouse that nobody could ever find a reason to say to my husband "You have my sympathy" after hearing any story about me.

Now to take inventory and make sure I am living that way. There's a few iffy things...well they are gray areas...well...they are...well...ummm....!

We know what those things are if we take just a minute to think about it, don't we? At least the ones on our own conscience. Darn that conscience.

honeypig

BlueSkies, this business of cleaning up our own side of the street can really bite us in the butt, can't it?

I think back on stuff I did in past relationships and stuff in my marriage (not cheating or stuff like that, but a ton of manipulating and outright bossing around and overstepping boundaries, mostly) and I just want to crawl in a hole, I'm so mortified. I know I've gotten a lot, LOT better, but there is still plenty of room for improvement...

Mango blast

BlueSkies, who you are today is important, flaws and all. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.

I have finally dropped the value of what others think of me. I may need to continually drop it, day after day, but that's okay too. A part of being human. There will always be others who will spin things as they will; that is their business, not mine. I will never be perfect and there will always be a "reason" if someone chooses to look for one.

I'm finding it useful to have feedback from others for self-growth and especially relate to the concept of the johari window:
http://changingminds.org/disciplines...ari_window.htm

Yes to this, completely. To take inventory of what is important to me, what my value system is, and to live it fully every day. I'm not "trying" to live my values. I am living my values. Again, if I stumble, I pick myself up. I admit my mistakes. I'm at peace with not being perfect.