Dealing with cravings.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 3
Dealing with cravings.
So first of all i want to apologize for my eventually bad english, french forums about recovery aren't that great and they're really rare, also this forum helped me few weeks ago so...
Well, so just before starting, i really completely understand if anyone here thinks that what i'm going throught is pathetic, i also think about it that way.
So, i'm a 17 years old highschool student in his last year of highschool and last year was a really difficult year, for the first time i struggled in school, i had big family issues and didn't know how to deal with it, at the same time my back started to hurt so after taking...ibuprofene, i don't know how it's call in the other country, i started taking occasionnaly codeine and it worked really well ! I used to like one, maybe two pill a day for 6 months with sometimes several weeks off (i never went to a doctor, i should probably do) and it wasn't really a problem, i mean at this point i wasn't really addcted.
But since august/september things got messy with my family, i was very stressed because of school and realised that taking severals pills a day will reduce a lot my anxiety, so i started taking 3/4 than 5/6 pills a day and because codeine (with a 20 mg dosage) don't need a prescription i bought a lot and a lot of those pills, they were not really expensive.
Anyway, i don't know when but i got hooked into codeine and the last time i was using, it was about 200/250 mg a day witch is...let's say 12/14 pills (it depends of the meds) maybe sometimes 20, a day for at least 6 month, i managed to hide it from my parents, my family and was really a pro at hiding, i do still have empty med boxes in my room.
I never really rock bottom or something similar but i do stole -not a lot- money from my parents because money was running low, but never considerate "using" codeine as such a problem, i was totally relaxed when "high" (i don't know if i can call it a high, i never felt about just letting down and relax on the floor, i still went to school, did my homework but wasn't stressfull anymore and felt like i could do whatever i want).
But i realised that i couldn't keep it that way, i started feeling itchy, codeine at high doses made me wanna puke so i started wanting to stop using but i didn't and slowly came to the conclusion that i was hooked on codeine, so i started looking on forums, started to see if they were a way to quit like for cigarett and i fount this forum, i red the stories about opiate addiction and really got scared : I needed to quit as fast as i can.
So one day, the day before holidays on April, i went to the pharmacy and bought Ibuprofene, Doliprane, dornomyl and wanted some immodium but i didn't had enough money, with a strong determination that it will not be "that hard" because you know, it was just codeine, not heroin, i threw up every pills i had and went through full detox.
My.god.
I thought it will last...2 maybe 3 days and i just will felt like a flu, i was so wrong.
I spent 5 days sweating, vomiting, sh*ting, having cold, hot, back pain in a highest level, depression and spent 5 days without sleeping more than 8 hours, i take all the meds that i bought before and they weren't really effectif, just the dornomyl on the 4th day knocked me out.
It was awful, not a pure hell, but still awful.
Since then, i didn't take any pills but...i'm in my week exams and really stressed, i almost have panic attack everyday and...i don't know how to deal with it and i can't stop thinking about pills.
I tried...eating candies, a lot of sugar, it helped before but i think that if i keep on thi way, i will end up diabethic or fat.
I tried breathing, relaxing, did something else, played video games but it didn't work, i can't stop feeling that i'm going to fail and today i almost went into a pharmacy...i even tried hot bath to cool down (that some high paradox), wasn't really effective.
Does someone went through the same thing ? Managed to relax/calm down without using ?
Well, so just before starting, i really completely understand if anyone here thinks that what i'm going throught is pathetic, i also think about it that way.
So, i'm a 17 years old highschool student in his last year of highschool and last year was a really difficult year, for the first time i struggled in school, i had big family issues and didn't know how to deal with it, at the same time my back started to hurt so after taking...ibuprofene, i don't know how it's call in the other country, i started taking occasionnaly codeine and it worked really well ! I used to like one, maybe two pill a day for 6 months with sometimes several weeks off (i never went to a doctor, i should probably do) and it wasn't really a problem, i mean at this point i wasn't really addcted.
But since august/september things got messy with my family, i was very stressed because of school and realised that taking severals pills a day will reduce a lot my anxiety, so i started taking 3/4 than 5/6 pills a day and because codeine (with a 20 mg dosage) don't need a prescription i bought a lot and a lot of those pills, they were not really expensive.
Anyway, i don't know when but i got hooked into codeine and the last time i was using, it was about 200/250 mg a day witch is...let's say 12/14 pills (it depends of the meds) maybe sometimes 20, a day for at least 6 month, i managed to hide it from my parents, my family and was really a pro at hiding, i do still have empty med boxes in my room.
I never really rock bottom or something similar but i do stole -not a lot- money from my parents because money was running low, but never considerate "using" codeine as such a problem, i was totally relaxed when "high" (i don't know if i can call it a high, i never felt about just letting down and relax on the floor, i still went to school, did my homework but wasn't stressfull anymore and felt like i could do whatever i want).
But i realised that i couldn't keep it that way, i started feeling itchy, codeine at high doses made me wanna puke so i started wanting to stop using but i didn't and slowly came to the conclusion that i was hooked on codeine, so i started looking on forums, started to see if they were a way to quit like for cigarett and i fount this forum, i red the stories about opiate addiction and really got scared : I needed to quit as fast as i can.
So one day, the day before holidays on April, i went to the pharmacy and bought Ibuprofene, Doliprane, dornomyl and wanted some immodium but i didn't had enough money, with a strong determination that it will not be "that hard" because you know, it was just codeine, not heroin, i threw up every pills i had and went through full detox.
My.god.
I thought it will last...2 maybe 3 days and i just will felt like a flu, i was so wrong.
I spent 5 days sweating, vomiting, sh*ting, having cold, hot, back pain in a highest level, depression and spent 5 days without sleeping more than 8 hours, i take all the meds that i bought before and they weren't really effectif, just the dornomyl on the 4th day knocked me out.
It was awful, not a pure hell, but still awful.
Since then, i didn't take any pills but...i'm in my week exams and really stressed, i almost have panic attack everyday and...i don't know how to deal with it and i can't stop thinking about pills.
I tried...eating candies, a lot of sugar, it helped before but i think that if i keep on thi way, i will end up diabethic or fat.
I tried breathing, relaxing, did something else, played video games but it didn't work, i can't stop feeling that i'm going to fail and today i almost went into a pharmacy...i even tried hot bath to cool down (that some high paradox), wasn't really effective.
Does someone went through the same thing ? Managed to relax/calm down without using ?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey Madnes, Welcome to the Forum!! 
I can only speak from the viewpoint of alcohol addiction, but it sounds like you're experiencing withdrawal symptoms, the body is trying to adjust to not having what it is used to.
I also had to adjust to dealing with stress in life without my favourite escape of alcohol, but everyone needs to find what works for them, for me plenty of fresh air and staying hydrated were top of the list.
However I would say, if you get concerned in any way about some symptoms, please check in with a doctor, just to be on the safe side, withdrawal can be dangerous no matter what the substance.
You'll also find loads for support here on SR!!
I can only speak from the viewpoint of alcohol addiction, but it sounds like you're experiencing withdrawal symptoms, the body is trying to adjust to not having what it is used to.
I also had to adjust to dealing with stress in life without my favourite escape of alcohol, but everyone needs to find what works for them, for me plenty of fresh air and staying hydrated were top of the list.
However I would say, if you get concerned in any way about some symptoms, please check in with a doctor, just to be on the safe side, withdrawal can be dangerous no matter what the substance.
You'll also find loads for support here on SR!!
Mr.MeToo?
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: East Coast to the Deep South
Posts: 828
Hello Madnes and welcome to SR. From one opiate addict to another let me be the bearer of bad news (although it really isn't bad when you look at the overall picture of where you are and where you are headed!). You've just gotta go through it.
Looks like you have past the intense "SuperFlu" stage of withdrawal where you are throwing up, unable to sleep, constant body aches etc etc. Now comes the mental withdrawal. Feeling super depressed, like a failure and anxious about anything AND everything is all natural feelings to be having now.
I remember towards the beginning of my 2nd week of sobriety I couldn't even handle being in crowded places(like a mall or park) for longer than 10 minutes. I would start thinking everybody was staring at me // judging me. Then my eyes would get watery and I'd break down and start to cry. My mind was all out of whack because of all the heavy abuse I put it through with dope. Eventually my brain balanced itself out and things got better....much better.
It just takes time. Stay strong and keep posting here and whatever you do..DO NOT USE. It will only reset the clock and put you back at the beginning of the physical withdrawal stage!!!! Rooting for you buddy
Looks like you have past the intense "SuperFlu" stage of withdrawal where you are throwing up, unable to sleep, constant body aches etc etc. Now comes the mental withdrawal. Feeling super depressed, like a failure and anxious about anything AND everything is all natural feelings to be having now.
I remember towards the beginning of my 2nd week of sobriety I couldn't even handle being in crowded places(like a mall or park) for longer than 10 minutes. I would start thinking everybody was staring at me // judging me. Then my eyes would get watery and I'd break down and start to cry. My mind was all out of whack because of all the heavy abuse I put it through with dope. Eventually my brain balanced itself out and things got better....much better.
It just takes time. Stay strong and keep posting here and whatever you do..DO NOT USE. It will only reset the clock and put you back at the beginning of the physical withdrawal stage!!!! Rooting for you buddy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 219
Hi Madness. Welcome....Good job for getting off the pills and making efforts to change. It's hard but people recover all the time. Meditation helps relax a lot of people, or running for a while can reduce lots of stress, too. Try not to use no matter what. Remember the saying This too shall pass.
An addiction can last a long time, not worth getting back into because of temporary problems in your life....High school is rough. Those years were the worst of my life but I hardly remember them now.
Your English is great btw
An addiction can last a long time, not worth getting back into because of temporary problems in your life....High school is rough. Those years were the worst of my life but I hardly remember them now.
Your English is great btw
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 3
No i never heard about "urge surfing" or something similar, does it really work the all meditation things ?
Yeah i can't really go to a doctor to explain that, eventually my parents will know and i don't want to deal with them right now.
Seriously, i thought the all mental withdrawal stuff were gone within two weeks, after detoxing i felt really depressed for like 15 days but eventually it got better i thought this was over. I really suck at addiction.
Anyway thanks you guys for your tips, i really appreciate the idea that i'm not the only one and i guess i'll stay clean today.
F*ck, i'm so stressfull ><.
Yeah i can't really go to a doctor to explain that, eventually my parents will know and i don't want to deal with them right now.
Seriously, i thought the all mental withdrawal stuff were gone within two weeks, after detoxing i felt really depressed for like 15 days but eventually it got better i thought this was over. I really suck at addiction.
Anyway thanks you guys for your tips, i really appreciate the idea that i'm not the only one and i guess i'll stay clean today.
F*ck, i'm so stressfull ><.
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