notreme

ABF has relapsed. Another night of quacking and gas lighting until I'm questioning my own perception of reality.

I know I can't keep living this way. I want to go to an Al-anon meeting but i am scared. There is one pretty near my office at lunch today. My main questions are

1. Do I have to talk ?

2. It says AFG "closed" can somebody explain that ? I understand that to mean it will just be people affected by an alcoholic not observers or clinicians ?

Anything else I need to know?

I've blocked ABF for now and I don't think he will call my office. As of thsi morning he is still in a rage I don't know if he's drinking now. (we currently live in separate cities)

TIA

lillamy

(((hugs)))

You don't have to talk. Usually, the meeting goes around the room and people say "Hi, I'm Amy" and the rest of the people say "Hi Amy" and then it goes to the next person. When they go around the room talking about whatever the topic is, I've sometimes said "Hi, I'm Amy -- I'm just here to listen" or "Hi, I'm Amy -- I'll pass."

Closed usually means exactly what you said -- as I've understood it, it mainly means AA members aren't welcome, only F&F so to speak.

There's a post in the stickies about what to expect from Al-Anon meetings if you feel you need to prepare yourself more: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ings-like.html

I'm glad you're going. SR is great, but there are days when you just need real live people around you.

hopeful4

You definitely won't be forced to talk. I would expect to be made to feel very welcome. It is closed meaning it is for those who need Alanon only, no observers or supporters, etc. That's a good thing.

Give it a try. It's not a lifelong commitment, if you don't like it simply don't go back.

Good Luck, let us know how it goes!

notreme

Thanks.

honeypig

notreme, I hope you make it to that meeting. Lillamy is so right about having face-to-face support in addition to online. It's a powerful combination and can do a lot to help you get your head on straight in the face of gaslighting and so on.

You know, it's not the meeting itself that's so scary; it's the admission that there IS a problem, it's real, and we can't handle it ourselves that is the most frightening, I think.

Please do post and let us know how it went and if you have any more questions.

notreme

Thank you. It went great - as in my nervousness was gone at the door. There's one M-F at that location and one closer to my house. I'm going to keep going.

hopeful4

So glad to hear that you went and that it was good!

I have heard so many people say how nervous they were but very very rarely do you hear of anyone who wishes they had not gone.

Face to face support is so important, from people who get it.

Big Hugs, good for you! See this for what it is, a BIG step in the right direction for yourself.

honeypig

Glad to hear you had a good meeting and you plan to keep on going. You'll be amazed at the growing you do as time goes on.

If you want to do some reading in Alanon literature in between meetings, that'll give you a leg up, too. You can go to Amazon and just search "Alanon literature" for a bunch of choices, many of which are available used for less $$. Also, Carlotta posts the daily reading from "Courage to Change", one of the Alanon daily readers, here each day.

Don't know if you've seen it already, but if not, there is a 12-step section to the forum that you might like to check into: NEW!12-Step Support for Friends and Family - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Again, so glad you found another source of support for yourself!