Day 15-Getting Real-Need Advice
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Day 15-Getting Real-Need Advice
Hello All,
I am finishing up day 15, and I guess the last few days I am working on staying brutally honest with myself, moving beyond what taking a drink does to me short term. We all know the results of that. I have maintained a period of sobriety for 10 years straight, and those were unquestionably the best years of my adult life. I am only 15 days in from a horrendous binge, but feel very committed to staying sober for the rest of my life. I am asking those people on here who have been sober for at least 3 years to give me some feedback about life after at least 3 years sober when your brain functions more normally. Specifically, how have relationships with yourself, and significant others changed after at least 3 years, for many of you, it is a lot longer. I see relationships for me after my divorce when I started drinking again, being very rocky, mainly because of my addiction, my secrecy…i.e. dishonesty in keeping it all a big secret. I guess I hid my binging because the addict in me wanted to have that out, to hold onto the ability to take a drink (my AV told me it was freedom???) whenever I wanted to. That dishonesty seems to creep into all aspects of my life when I am drinking. Anyone else have some thoughts on this?
After being sober, and not needing to hide anything anymore, did your relationships become better, and your ability to love another become stronger as you learned to love and respect yourself?
That is where my head is at tonight. Total ownership of my addiction and the roadblocks it has caused. Any insights or feedback from the group greatly appreciated. Thank You!
I am finishing up day 15, and I guess the last few days I am working on staying brutally honest with myself, moving beyond what taking a drink does to me short term. We all know the results of that. I have maintained a period of sobriety for 10 years straight, and those were unquestionably the best years of my adult life. I am only 15 days in from a horrendous binge, but feel very committed to staying sober for the rest of my life. I am asking those people on here who have been sober for at least 3 years to give me some feedback about life after at least 3 years sober when your brain functions more normally. Specifically, how have relationships with yourself, and significant others changed after at least 3 years, for many of you, it is a lot longer. I see relationships for me after my divorce when I started drinking again, being very rocky, mainly because of my addiction, my secrecy…i.e. dishonesty in keeping it all a big secret. I guess I hid my binging because the addict in me wanted to have that out, to hold onto the ability to take a drink (my AV told me it was freedom???) whenever I wanted to. That dishonesty seems to creep into all aspects of my life when I am drinking. Anyone else have some thoughts on this?
After being sober, and not needing to hide anything anymore, did your relationships become better, and your ability to love another become stronger as you learned to love and respect yourself?
That is where my head is at tonight. Total ownership of my addiction and the roadblocks it has caused. Any insights or feedback from the group greatly appreciated. Thank You!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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Originally Posted by BlueSkiesAhead 
After being sober, and not needing to hide anything anymore, did your relationships become better, and your ability to love another become stronger as you learned to love and respect yourself?
!
!
I'm glad you're here and ready for recovery. Congrats on 15 days sober.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Hello Anna,
Thank you for your insight. I guess that is where my head has been these last 15 days. I know to recover I need to be brutally honest with myself. I have given up a large part of who I am because I am ashamed of my alcoholism, and have not stayed with my program to stay sober. The games I play with myself are bad enough, but when they involve those people who want to be close to me, the relationship will always fail, in preserving my addiction, the lies, and the lack of being honest with myself. This is a huge motivator for me right now, life is to darn short, and has to much to offer, living a lie. Thank you.
Thank you for your insight. I guess that is where my head has been these last 15 days. I know to recover I need to be brutally honest with myself. I have given up a large part of who I am because I am ashamed of my alcoholism, and have not stayed with my program to stay sober. The games I play with myself are bad enough, but when they involve those people who want to be close to me, the relationship will always fail, in preserving my addiction, the lies, and the lack of being honest with myself. This is a huge motivator for me right now, life is to darn short, and has to much to offer, living a lie. Thank you.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
My relationships have most definitely improved. Some were not repairable but I am now in the best relationship I've ever been in. I was so afraid to be myself, heck I wasn't sure who that was. I wanted everyone to accept me and like me. I realize now that no matter what I do or who I am that's not possible. I made the decision after being sober for a while that I'm just going to be me and be happy with it. Some will like me (or love me) and some will not. I'm ok with that today.
With my partner (now husband) I made the conscious decision to be open and honest with him about everything. I had to set the fear aside, especially early in the relationship. It's made a world of difference.
I'm actually happy which is all I ever really wanted.
With my partner (now husband) I made the conscious decision to be open and honest with him about everything. I had to set the fear aside, especially early in the relationship. It's made a world of difference.
I'm actually happy which is all I ever really wanted.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Hi PD,
Thank You for responding, as this is heavy on my mind with a couple weeks sober under my belt. Your comments are exactly what has been on my mind, and I know it's true, I was looking for some confirmation from people who have actually been there and done that. I see the dishonesty in my own life stemming from my addiction, and like I said, my AV telling me that I need the space, because to be able to drink is "freedom". Looking at it now, it seems so messed up. I am holding that close as I learn to cope without alcohol, and find what real freedom is. Thanks again.
Thank You for responding, as this is heavy on my mind with a couple weeks sober under my belt. Your comments are exactly what has been on my mind, and I know it's true, I was looking for some confirmation from people who have actually been there and done that. I see the dishonesty in my own life stemming from my addiction, and like I said, my AV telling me that I need the space, because to be able to drink is "freedom". Looking at it now, it seems so messed up. I am holding that close as I learn to cope without alcohol, and find what real freedom is. Thanks again.
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