BFD

Hi everyone. I've been here before (literally and figuratively, ha!) and I am back again because I've had a relapse.
I have a pinched nerve in my back which gets treated with monthly trigger point shots and - you guessed it - vicoden. The sober girl in me fought the opiates for months until one day I just couldn't take it any more. I was flat on the floor, sobbing my heart out, and I just couldn't do it. Work was getting pissed, schools where getting pissed and I was getting pissed. So, I accepted a prescription for 7.5 vicu-profen. Tylenol screws up my stomach now, probably from abusing opiates before.
Initially I did behave myself. Of course, the addict in me couldn't be happy with using the drugs as they were meant to be used for... I complained and whined and flirted and cried until I was finally prescribed Percocet 10s. When my prescription runs out (a month supply usually lasts about 10 days, if that) and I can find a roxy, I grab those, too. I am in full blown relapse mode and I am terrified. The pain was/is so intense I just don't know what to do. I will do anything in order to not run out of opiates.
I don't want to be this weak. I hate myself for being in this hole again. What scares me the most is the pain I will have after I jump. Anyway... I'm not really sure why I'm posting here. I guess I'm hoping that seeing this in writing will make me take a step back and see what I'm doing.

TiredEnough

Hey, BFD! I was wondering about you last week. It's under bad circumstances but I'm glad you are back.

hopeful4

Is there anyone in your life you could tell this to and entrust them with your medication so that you don't take more than prescribed?

BFD

Hi, TiredEnough. Nice to "see" you again.

Hopeful4, I am afraid not. I don't have any one else I can trust. I was clean for so long! I can't believe I'm back here.

TiredEnough

Well, you beat it once, you can beat it again. You were on a much higher dose last time weren't you? If I remember, it was roxy 30's.

hopeful4

I am sorry. I hope that posting here will help you have extra accountability. You can do this as it sounds like you have done so before. We are here for you!

BFD

Yep... I do still grab the occasional roxy too, but yes this time it is Percocet 10s that I'm struggling with. I know it's all the same when you are using to abuse. I thought I could handle it, but I'm taking more than I should and then running out so then I get from "friends". I'm so ridiculous. What's ironic is that I even told my primary dr that I had a previous problem with opiates and didn't want anything. The day my back went out, I went to the immediate care section of my medical center and the dr there wrote them for me without even asking me if I wanted them. I know it had to be in my file, because it's the same hospital. I have a drug contract with my primary dr so how did this even happen?

Oooh. Look at me trying to blame them for my addiction and mistake... classic.

Sigh.

BFD

Thank you. I really hope so. I'm going to post here as much as I can and read through all the other people struggling so that I'm prepared again. Also gonna read through my old stuff tonight. That's what I should have done to begin with, then maybe that motrin wouldn't have been so bad huh? LOL.

Thank you for always being here for me.

DecBaby

I find it amazing how great a motrin works now. I still have my moments where I crave. Been having body pain from being so active at work but I know it's the addict voice talking. Stress and emotions and working hard is telling me you need pills again. Even after two years I am being tested. The difference now is know it's all psychological. If you leave yourself to access to pills you will be surprised what over the counter pain meds can do.

BFD

It's a rough place to be in, for sure. Motrin does work wonders. So does Aleve. It was just those dumb muscle spasms or whatever it is that kicks that nerve into high gear, and I couldn't handle it. I was too weak and too beat down. I knew it was dangerous. I just needed relief so much that I didn't care.

DecBaby

I personally think its a mix of things. Makes you think you have to cave. I hope you can let go of the stuff.