Gggddd1970

Hi Folks , I am 43 and a long term heroin user. It has been over a year since my last full blown habbit. However I have got myself back into taking Heroin once a week or so. This has been going on for the last 6 months or so. It has nearly ended with a daily addiction a few times but I have managed (by being lucky) to not let it get a grip of me. But I say that even though I have been taking it at least once a week.
I don't want to ask my family for help again as I am so embarrassed that I have failed again and the looks of disappointment just kill me. I am not working at the moment , so my addict mind justifies it as 'just killing a couple of days'. But I always feel wretched the day afterwards and then I return to the cycle of feeling bad for a few days , then hope I can stay off it , then surrender to the drug again !
I have a beautiful 4 year old daughter who I don't live with ultimately because I am a drug user and can't afford to live with her mother. I seem to be locked into this cycle of take for a day and then a week of it ... What can I do ? How can I break the cycle ? Any advice gratefully received...

milroy

What ive noticed in my relapses is not the amount of drug i consume, but the quicker it turns me into a zombie. I guess my addicton is getting smarter. You gotta stomp it out. I also get stronger cravings when im sober, duh, but it sucks to keep a dirty little secret even if i could. I couldnt live when I was thinking about dying or wds again. Do it for me man. Im at day 8. It has been a painful week!

doggonecarl

Chipping is just keeping you enslaved to the drug.

You say you aren't working. Here in the states, the Salvation Army has rehab facilities. If you can't find free rehab, maybe spend the week you aren't using attending NA meetings and getting support from people who have been where you are.

Stride34

I'm sitting here amazed that, you're a former full-blown heroin addict, and you've been doing heroin again for 6 months and it hasn't returned into a full blown daily habit. If I were you, I'd view this as very lucky, and get out while you still can. You're playing with serious fire and your life, quit now, today. You know it will only get worse and worse. There's no good ending to the story. If you regularly go 6 days without using, you can quit. The sooner you make the decision, the easier it will be, and the more future pain you will avoid.

pavaoiztarza

It seems that the attempts to make changes on your own strength did not produce desired result.

Let me pray for you.

Dear God, you are God who is known to have made turnarounds in hopeless lives. But I ask not for that. I ask that your glory is revealed through this man. You would take people, who have nothing to lose, like you took me. I ask the same for this man. Show him where the source of joy is, teach him where to look for strength and give him habits, that are going to make this happen for him.

In Jesus name, Amen

FT

Gggddd,

How did you kick heroin the first time around? What worked for you then? Can you access those resources again?

I don't know much about heroin, although oxycodone was my drug and they hit the same neuroreceptors.

Since you are a long term user in the past, I wonder if you've tried a methadone clinic, or maybe suboxone? Right now, the H has you in its talons and it can only get worse if you don't cut it out right this minute.

Your 4 year old daughter needs a dad that models "normalcy." Even though you don't live with her, she sees you and knows you are an important figure in her life. Little kids learn their perspective on the world from what they see around them. Are you a strong male figure in her life? How will she view men later on, based on the relationship she sees with you and her mom? Do you model "normal" behavior for her, or does she see the worst side of you, perhaps arguing with her mom. Be very very careful. Your kid has only one chance to be a kid in this life. Protect that and be a real dad. I mean a REAL dad. Think about it.

Ultimately, as with all addiction, you will continue to use until the desire to be clean outweighs the desire/need to get high. I get addiction. It's not so cut and dried, but you've got to make a choice to be a user, or NOT be a user.

Become a non-substance abuser, a non-substance user, not just a "paused" user. Lots of people who abstain from substances never get to the mindset where they will NEVER use again. Once you've seen where addiction leads you, and you understand that eventually there is no "up" side and only "down" sides to using H, you have enough information to make a choice.

Think of your little girl, and make the right choice.