Blossom717

My friend and I are participating in a 5k in a couple of weeks. Its about an hour and a half away and on a Friday evening, around 6:30, at a winery. My friend and I discussed maybe getting a hotel room nearby and make it a girls day type thing. (my mom would be watching my daughter if I did that)

So I told ABF about the run, and before I could even talk about the events after it, he simply said "you'll be coming home that night, right?"

I said I guess so. If any of you have read my past posts, he flipped out when I spent the night with the girls at my now SIL's bachelorette party. I mean, it was just weird.

I'm worrying. I know I shouldn't. I know that if I want to do something then I should. but I'm worried about him using this against me later. Like I've said, I plan on moving in with my mom by the beginning of September. I know he's going to fight me in court. I'm worried he is going to use it against me during this.

I don't know if I'm being codie or paranoid or just proactive for the future by not spending the night away.

AnvilheadII

if you toe the line HE establishes, you continue to give him power and give him the assumption that you will continue to do as HE dictates.

you have baby sitting arranged, the run is some distance away, and doesn't even start til evening. i'm not sure how fast one runs a 5k, but i'm sure you'll be a bit tuckered afterwards and it makes absolutely perfect sense to grab a hotel and get some much needed rest.

if he doesn't like it, tough nuts. in the future, i would hesitate to give him much information about YOUR plans with much lead time. you are a full grown adult woman and can make your own choices. how he reacts is not your concern, unless of course you fear violence from him.

readerbaby71

You're a grown woman and have every right to spend the night away from home if you wish. Don't let him dictate what you can and cannot do. Hugs.

FireSprite

I vote Codie.

I can say that because I have extensive experience doing this exact thing. In fact, I did it so well for so long that when I finally stopped one day & asked myself what I wanted it was the loudest silence I had ever experienced. I knew I had a problem when I was not even able to verbalize my own desires because I'd gone so long putting his needs, wants & expectations ahead of my own.

He sounds like he is just trying to keep you on a short leash honestly, and I can't imagine how you spending an evening away with a good friend following an athletic event in a city over an hour away from home can be used against you legally later. DD will be left with competent caregivers who are also family. If he threatens to use it somehow, I'd say it's just smoke & mirrors to distract & confuse you. There is literally nothing wrong with what you are doing!

Go. Run 5K. Smile & Laugh with your friend & know that DD is well cared for in your absence. Unless I was at risk safety-wise when I returned (if he is violent at all) then I would go & have fun!

fedup3

I second that with Firesprite, go and have fun it will lift your spirits!

NYCDoglvr

Yea, a codie. By essentially making him your higher power you're giving up responsibility for yourself.