Need your support and well wishes...
Mamahawk
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,034
Need your support and well wishes...
A lot of you know what had been going on with me. 19 days ago I cold turkey quit a very heavy 20 year hydrocodone addiction. It took drastic measures to get me this far. I gave up my keys, money, got off the bank account. Basucally I've been on a self imposed house arrest. My husband and mom get me out for shopping and to do fun things. I knew it couldn't last forever and while I don't plan on stopping what I'm doing right now to stay clean I will have to go to town tomorrow. I have to take my 16 yr old son to the dentist. UGH!! Worst first trip to town ever! (Doc office=crack house for me) my son will get a rx for pain more than likely. I will have my 19 yr old with me to handle the rx. It will go in a safe at home. I'm not going to fail, just not looking forward to all the triggers. Doc office, RX, pharmacy) y'all pump me up! Help me cope!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,481
Like I said in the other thread, you've done a lot of work and pout in a lot of effort to get this far Mama. It may not be real comfortable for you tomorrow but you've been through way worse....
you'll do it
D
you'll do it
D
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
You've got my support in spades Mama, and I think getting yourself well prepared in advance is a great way of resisting the urge.
Focus on how good and wonderful and proud you'll feel if you get through this, and don't forget to come on to SR and tell us!
Focus on how good and wonderful and proud you'll feel if you get through this, and don't forget to come on to SR and tell us!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 36
You can do this Mamahawk! I still remember early in my sobriety with alcohol the anxiety that went into the "firsts" without alcohol. Going to dinner, a stressful day, a happy day, a vacation, a holiday...and the list goes on. You WILL get through this "first" for you and it will give you a sense of accomplishment and strength going forward. Although mine was alcohol and yours was opiates I believe there are some similarities in terms of learning to deal with situations in the absence of mind altering substances. You are strong and determined. Keep us posted.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
Pass this 'test' (and you will) and the strength that you gain will be incredible.
A big step forward.
When i stopped drinking, it took me 3 weeks to get off my boat to face the world.
Lots of irrational fear for me, but i did it.
And so shall you.
Best wishes
G
A big step forward.
When i stopped drinking, it took me 3 weeks to get off my boat to face the world.
Lots of irrational fear for me, but i did it.
And so shall you.
Best wishes
G
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Glad to read you have put some safeguards in place. It shows your commitment and determination.
Take tomorrow as an opportunity to enjoy your time with kids. Keeping you in my prayers and looking forward to reading about your day.
Take tomorrow as an opportunity to enjoy your time with kids. Keeping you in my prayers and looking forward to reading about your day.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
I know today will go great, it will just be about your son and you being the mom. I know exactly how you feel, I have had to see the same pharmacists after quitting. The pharmacy is inside the doctors offices here. It was awful but felt great that I wasn't getting meds. Different from what you are going through with meds in the house, but you have a plan. That is key. Stay strong you are doing great!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Good morning Mama!
Today is your big day right? Just stopped by to cheer you on! One of the posters said it will give you a sense of accomplishment.....they are so right about that! I remembered my first days out of the house.....they were filled with anxiety at first, it was a weird feeling....sort of like jumping into a much clearer world, like beginning a new life.
It's hard to explain the feeling, but it was like seeing the world without foggy glasses on. Everything was very vibrant....the grass, trees, sky.....everything was so colorful and bright. I had forgotten how beautiful our world looks. I remember driving like it was my first time....slow and cautious. It was a very exciting time for me....all those firsts without pills were like babies' milestones....each time I succeeded in doing something without the pills added one more notch to my growing self-confidence.....it also added to my family's trust in me.
So my advice to you today is to view this as an exciting challenge. Be sure to look around you and absorb the beauty in our world.....it is something you lost for 20 years, but now have back again.
The world awaits you mama! Enjoy your day!
Today is your big day right? Just stopped by to cheer you on! One of the posters said it will give you a sense of accomplishment.....they are so right about that! I remembered my first days out of the house.....they were filled with anxiety at first, it was a weird feeling....sort of like jumping into a much clearer world, like beginning a new life.
It's hard to explain the feeling, but it was like seeing the world without foggy glasses on. Everything was very vibrant....the grass, trees, sky.....everything was so colorful and bright. I had forgotten how beautiful our world looks. I remember driving like it was my first time....slow and cautious. It was a very exciting time for me....all those firsts without pills were like babies' milestones....each time I succeeded in doing something without the pills added one more notch to my growing self-confidence.....it also added to my family's trust in me.
So my advice to you today is to view this as an exciting challenge. Be sure to look around you and absorb the beauty in our world.....it is something you lost for 20 years, but now have back again.
The world awaits you mama! Enjoy your day!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Mama - I am routing for you! I think you'll do better than you are expecting. You have this time to rehearse how you are going to deal with the situation.
If you really want to add an extra safeguard you can ask your son to count the pills out in the pharmacy parking lot. Double counting would probably be better actually. That way there is no temptation to take a couple and claim that the pharmacy screwed it up. In addition, it protects you just in case the pharmacy actually did screw up.
Also, I don't think it would hurt to discuss the different options for pain treatment with the dentist. That isn't for your benefit, but for your son's benefit. If that is what the dentist deems appropriate then so be it. He is a medical professional. That doesn't mean that you have to assume that narcotics are the only option without at least asking the question though.
If you really want to add an extra safeguard you can ask your son to count the pills out in the pharmacy parking lot. Double counting would probably be better actually. That way there is no temptation to take a couple and claim that the pharmacy screwed it up. In addition, it protects you just in case the pharmacy actually did screw up.
Also, I don't think it would hurt to discuss the different options for pain treatment with the dentist. That isn't for your benefit, but for your son's benefit. If that is what the dentist deems appropriate then so be it. He is a medical professional. That doesn't mean that you have to assume that narcotics are the only option without at least asking the question though.
Mamahawk
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,034
Opio we have decided to bring me home before he goes to the pharmacy! The pharmacy isn't far from our house and it will save everyone some worry! I like your idea about asking for something different if he gives Vicodin. That isn't the ONLY thing in the world that can help pain!
The appointment is at 2:45 and I am not feeling as bad as I thought I would. I will probably be ok until we have to leave! I know I'm going to feel anxiety over this but I have come to realize I can not get through this without suffering! And I just realized something today. I have been telling my AV to suck eggs for 20 days now! I can do it today to. I might be under a little more pressure but that's ok. Because I need to learn to handle this!
Thank you all for the encouragement. It means more than you know! It is helping me stay STRONG and calm.
The appointment is at 2:45 and I am not feeling as bad as I thought I would. I will probably be ok until we have to leave! I know I'm going to feel anxiety over this but I have come to realize I can not get through this without suffering! And I just realized something today. I have been telling my AV to suck eggs for 20 days now! I can do it today to. I might be under a little more pressure but that's ok. Because I need to learn to handle this!
Thank you all for the encouragement. It means more than you know! It is helping me stay STRONG and calm.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Mama I love what you just said about telling your addiction to suck eggs! That made me laugh! Ha! Yes, that is exactly what you've been doing! You made it thru the worst most painful part....the detox! The beauty is you never ever have to go thru that again. It over.....behind you!
I have complete faith in you....do you want to know why? Because I believe that day you left your family....drove down the road a little.....then turned around. That moment you turned the car around is probably the moment you made up your mind you were done with pills.....that was your defining moment.....your moment of clarity. I had one of those too. It was when I got a call to go pick up 100 morphine tabs from someone I was seeing. I knew I couldn't live this lifestyle anymore..I couldn't drag myself to go over there..... Was tired...done....it was the moment I told my husband everything...(he knew some things but not all)..of course he was pissed....started packing up his things and the kids things and leaving me. I begged him to stay.....then did what you did.....handed over my car keys, my phone, my bank cards and credit cards. Put myself on house arrest.
I made a vow to myself that day that I was done with pills and all the bad things that came with it. I haven't regretted my decision....it was the best one I ever made! I believe you will feel that way too.
After all what I did to my family....and I know I did far worse than you.....it didn't take long to regain their trust. (Of course not all of it) Now it seems like a lifetime ago.....it's only been a year and 3 months.
Mama I feel like you and I are a lot alike. If you are like me, once you make a decision that's it....but I take awhile to make that decision. That in no way implies we stop working our recovery. That is ongoing.....but it gets easier with time.
I have complete faith in you....do you want to know why? Because I believe that day you left your family....drove down the road a little.....then turned around. That moment you turned the car around is probably the moment you made up your mind you were done with pills.....that was your defining moment.....your moment of clarity. I had one of those too. It was when I got a call to go pick up 100 morphine tabs from someone I was seeing. I knew I couldn't live this lifestyle anymore..I couldn't drag myself to go over there..... Was tired...done....it was the moment I told my husband everything...(he knew some things but not all)..of course he was pissed....started packing up his things and the kids things and leaving me. I begged him to stay.....then did what you did.....handed over my car keys, my phone, my bank cards and credit cards. Put myself on house arrest.
I made a vow to myself that day that I was done with pills and all the bad things that came with it. I haven't regretted my decision....it was the best one I ever made! I believe you will feel that way too.
After all what I did to my family....and I know I did far worse than you.....it didn't take long to regain their trust. (Of course not all of it) Now it seems like a lifetime ago.....it's only been a year and 3 months.
Mama I feel like you and I are a lot alike. If you are like me, once you make a decision that's it....but I take awhile to make that decision. That in no way implies we stop working our recovery. That is ongoing.....but it gets easier with time.
Mamahawk
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,034
Oh cleanin you made me cry! But they are cleansing tears. I DID decide it was over when I turned around and came back. On the way down the road my future was flashing before my before my eyes. I was alone. I was homeless. I looked at myself in the rear view mirror and did not recognize the person looking back at me. My eyes were empty, dead. (This was verified for me the the other day when my son said "you have cool eyes! They look so....ALIVE") You are right, I am like you, it takes a long time to make a decision, but once I do it is done. I'm not sure if you did far worse than me...I did some pretty bad things to get pills. It doesn't matter what we did. It wasn't us doing it. I will tell keep telling my AV to SUCK EGGS! I'm not going to lose another MINUTE of this life! I am so glad I have you to fight with me and for me! Cleanin I may have never seen your face, but I can't say I don't know you personally...and for all the support you have given me my heart is knit to yours forever!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
You can absolutely do this! You look at those sweet faces of your children and remember what it would do to them if you were to relapse. Ruin not only your life, but theirs too.
You are strong and very in touch with your recovery. YOU CAN DO THIS.
You are whipping this addiction thing, keep up the good work!
XXX
You are strong and very in touch with your recovery. YOU CAN DO THIS.
You are whipping this addiction thing, keep up the good work!
XXX
Mamahawk
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,034
Hopeful4 , I never want to see those sweet faces disappointed in me again! That's one thing I tell my AV...my family is counting on me! I do to want to hurt them! So suck eggs! Lol I want them to look at me like this last few weeks when my son cried because he said my face looks SO MUCH DIFFERENT when I'm not using!i haven't seen him cry since he was little. Those were happy tears, but years over my using nonetheless. I want them to see my face alive and my eyes sparking!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
