overthis50

I'm new here and will be coming off hydrocodone. I did it once in my past and then my dad got sick and I relapsed. I wasn't on them bad at first but after watching my dad slowly die for 8 months it took a toll on me and I started taking a lot more. For the past week I have slowly tapered to 3 a day. Now I just want to stop. I'm scared of the withdrawals again. I'm scared of the depression. I haven't really coped with my dads death because the pills has kept me numb. I'm tired of living like this. I don't want to take them anymore. I want this part of my life over with. I want to put the pills behind me. I want to move forward with my life. I'm just really scared of the withdrawals. I was so stupid to pick up another one and take it. Why did I do that?!? How could I have been so stupid knowing what would happen? I had convinced myself that it wouldn't happen to me again. I was dead wrong because here I am battling this once again. I now realize it will be a life long battle. I'm ready to come off these horrible things mentally but I'm scared of it. I was so glad to find this site and know I am not alone. Tomorrow will be day 1 for me and I'm so scared but so ready. Any encouragement will be greatly appreciated. Y'all seem to be like a big loving family. I'm ready to share my journey with y'all.

finaltime

I know your fear, just know that its all mental and can be done. You will find lots of support here. It will pass, coming off 3 a day won't be bad. you can do this and the good thing is you WILL NEVER HAVE to feel this way again if you stay strong!!!!

SprungPoppy

Your not alone..you know what your getting ready for and find strength in the fact that you've been successful before...there's tons of success here that you can lean on. I'm pulling for you!! The hardest part is over and that's deciding to take your life back.

FT

Welcome, overthis50!

First thing to do is READ a lot of these threads. Second thing is keep posting and getting support.

There are lots of us who have been in your exact spot -- many more than once.

Mamahawk

We are with you. 16 days ago I cold turkeyed off a very heavy hydro habit. I was addicted for 20 years. I know how hard it is. You only have to do this once then you can get on with your life.

Ashamedof

I know how scared you feel. I've felt that fear so many times...our minds make it much worse though. If you can get clonodine? It really helps! They gave it to me in detox and it took away 60% of the wds. Stay on these boards, people here are super kind and supportive! You can do this.

anykey

If I was down to 3 a day- the rest would be easy. But then that is me.

SprungPoppy

It will be anything but easy!! But it won't kill you, and you'll be so better off!! The support is here, sooner you kick this the sooner you get your life back!!

Jilllian

You can do this.

overthis50

Thanks to all of you. I know this isn't going to be easy. Mommahawk I have read all of your thread atleast 10 times. It is so inspiring. Today is day 1 for me and I feel very anxious. I have wd a little at a time so I hope it won't be to bad this time. I was taking 10 10/325 of hydro a day and 3 10 mg of oxycodone a day. I have stopped the oxycodone completely and I have tapered to 3 a day on the hydro. I have took them for about 2 1/2 years. I just don't want to take them anymore. I have deleted everyone out of my phone that has ties to these pills. Oh and I never took them for pain. I simply took them for the high and the energy they gave me. My husband doesn't know that I am taking again. He was supportive the first time I quit and stood by me the whole time. I didn't fully get better the first time for 2 long miserable months. I can't wait to rid myself of this demon and get my life back. My money back. My happiness back. I know I have to take it day by day. The last pill I took was last night at about 11:00 pm. So it has been 13 hours. I feel cloudy. My Vision is also blurry. Is this normal? I don't remember having that last time. Thank you all for the support. I will post everyday as long as I'm up to it to let all of you know my progress. If you believe in a higher being please pray for me. Thanks again. I really do appreciate all of you. You all are a inspiration to me.

Mamahawk

It's all normal over this. I felt horrible. I hate for you to go through this without your hubby. I found ridding myself of secrets really helped me. It's up to you and how you want to handle it, just wanted to put that out there. It's hard. You will feel bad, but think of the reward. You can do it! If you need me I am here. I will fight with you! Staying busy helps. I know it's hard when you feel bad and the first four days I could not do much. I tried though because any distraction was welcome. If you can't be physical, just be easy on yourself. Take baths and watch movies. You ARE STRONG enough to do this.

cleaninLI

Hey overthis how ya doing today? I Did the exact same thing....was foolish to think I could take pills responsibly! Ya! I was in recovery too....then took a couple after 5 freaking years! That sent me on my way to relapse and another 3 years of active addiction. The damages I created this time around were so bad....I nearly lost my family, freedom (jail) and my life (Overdose)!

Many of us have done what you are doing now! So if mamahawk and all these others can do it why can't you? Right? You already tapered down......I never could have done that.l...many of us could never do that.....but you did! That is huge! Stick around, we are here for you!

overthis50

Hey everyone. I'm okay. My legs are hurting really bad and shaking uncontrollable. I'm also going from crying to angry to I can do this. Mamahawk I took your advice and talked to my husband. He took the news rather well. He is a little upset that I have been lying to him but who wouldn't be? I know with his support and all of y'all's I can do this. I know it's not going to happen overnight and it's going to take time. I just hope it doesn't take as long this time to recover where I did taper to 30 mg a day. I will continue to post here and keep y'all updated. Once again thank you all.

SprungPoppy

Hot baths for those legs!!

Mamahawk

I'm so glad you talked to your husband. Secrets keep us sick! It took me 20 years to learn that!! But you need his support to get through and I know how hard it was. I am so PROUD of you! Now you will feel free! I took Advil for my legs. It didn't help much but you kind if just have to get through it. I was told vitamin C and it does help.

overthis50

I have took two hot baths so far it helps for about 20 minutes. I'm so happy I told him to. He hasn't left my side. He made me get up and go outside. We took a little run and did a couple jumping jacks together. I didn't want to because I don't feel like it but I did it anyways and surprising it has helped a little. We are on the porch outside enjoying the nice breeze together. I just can't believe I'm out of bed. Last time I wasn't I was in bed for over a week. I have to be careful with what I take because I have a brain malformation and I can't take aspirin or any NSAID due to brain bleeding. Only thing I can take is Tylenol. I can't wait to put this day behind me and go to day 2 then to the rest of my life pill free. Y'all are so amazing. So supportive. Thank you so much.

Mamahawk

Girl you just soak up all the goodness in this day and let it fill up your heart!!! You have many more to come! Your husband sounds like a great guy like mine. I put mine through heck. It was terrible the things I did. He is still here. And so is yours and yiu have no secret to weigh you down. The exercise was the best thing for you. Do ANYTHING to occupy your time. Any distraction. One day during detox I was having a terrible time. My back was hurting my legs. I wanted a fix so bad. I couldn't find anything to do. I had a copper plate I've been wanting to polish but I never did care while I was messed up. I sat down and spent hours polishing that plate! It distracted me and I had a beautiful copper plate when I was done. I'm glad my mom kept it for me because if I would have had it it would have sold to the junkyard long ago...

overthis50

I'm just really happy. Day 1 is almost gone. I have a horrible headache though. That might be caused from me being sick with strep on top of this but I'm not sure. I just took some NyQuil cold and flu so I hope it will help me sleep. It also has potassium in it so hopefully that will help with the leg problem. This forum is so nice to have during this time. Y'all rock! I finally told my mom also. She was sad at first but now is being supportive she is texting me nonstop lol. I just have a great outlook and I sure hope it sticks. Pills are nothing but demons in a white coating ready to take over our entire lives. Not this time not ever. I'm so done and can't believe I have made it this far. I just hope I can keep this mentality. Mamahawk thank you so much for everything. You truly are an angel in disguise for me. Reading your story and seeing how far you have come has truly helped me a lot. Sorry if they're any typos my eyes are dilated right now and my vision is blurry.

Dee74

Welcome to SR overthis

D

overthis50

Thank you.