Compass1

Tonight has been somewhat of a struggle. There is a block party going on around the block from me with a DJ playing loud music and it has been triggering me all night. I couldn't stop thinking about having a drink. I reached out to a friend who I know drinks, but they weren't doing anything tonight anyway. Right away after texting this friend, before they responded, I had a long shower. I still feel this nagging sense that I could sit here and have one drink and watch a movie, just to ease the insipidity that I feel. I have also been sick for the past week and unable to exercise, which is a serious outlet for me. I am feeling better and maybe I have too much energy bottled up. Its just a scary feeling to me when I start to lose control like this. I am trying to stay with this.

ScottFromWI

Just one huh? :-)

You are doing just fine, coming here was a great idea. Hang out and chat for a while and realize what a tall tale your AV was trying to slip by you. Just one drink....that's a good one AV

Dee74

Noone goes into recovery fully in armour Copmpass1. Drinking's what you did for years.

Thinking about that is not the measure of your recovery - what you do in response to those feelings is.

Play the tape through to the end - remember what drinking did to you and what bought you here.

Remember that it's the first drink that does the damage....and think about how good you'll feel waking up sober tomorrow

D

ting

You will feel great tomorrow! People from the block Party won't. Hang in there.

pupkin

Hey Compass1, just for solidarity want you to know that I went through more or less the same thing this weekend. I've got three weeks after a big relapse at 100+ days, which was truly awful in every way. Yet on Friday, 20 days into this reboot, some terribly powerful urges kicked in with the weather. The smell of the air, the warm temps, wife out of town and no responsibilities. . .seemingly everything wanted to tell me how perfectly a nice chill evening of tequila and Netflix would hit the spot.

It honestly caught me by surprise. Three weeks ago I wouldn't have believed I'd feel those circuits lighting up so soon. And it WAS a scary feeling. I know that when those switches flip the end result is (usually) inevitable.

I came here like you did. Didn't post, but I read a lot of posts. It helped me inch my way through the worst of it. And Saturday I woke up still sober, filled with relief and gratitude.

I hope the same for you. (If not, god knows I understand that, too. Check in and let us know how you're doing. . . .)

Compass1

Thanks for all the advice. I made it through last night and woke up sober this morning. Feeling the feeling, recognizing it for what it is, and letting it pass with time is somewhat effective. Thinking it through to the possible end is also good. I try to delay any drinking with a shower, coming online and reading, and working out especially helps me to get out of that mind state. I think its my allergies that have been making me feel pretty congested lately, and I haven't felt up to working out. I also feel bored, which could be deadly in the end... I have to find something that truly interests me... not that I am trying to convince myself is fun. Its hard to explain I guess.

Pupkin, its good to hear from someone who relates for sure. I know that feeling when those circuits light up and have tip onto autopilot if I don't take immediate action and stop impulses. Its crazy that it is possible to lose control like that.

pupkin

Compass, that's tremendous news to hear. So glad for both of us. It is crazy. A lot of the time I still have trouble believing it can happen (which is probably why it takes me by surprise). But I guess we both know better. I try to do exactly what you did. Easier written than done, for sure. . .but do-able. And did. Continue rocking.