Mirage74

I hear people occasionally say they wish they could moderate. I can sit here and say if I had to drink moderately, I'd be miserable. I guess that's what makes me an alcoholic.

I do remember a time in my early 20's when I would get off work and drink about 3 beers that night. But even then I was drinking for the effect. My tolerance was relatively low and I caught a nice buzz. The next day's work kept me sensible about it. That seems unfathomable now.

Dee74

Sure - I wanted to be that guy who drank 3 beers, was charming and witty, had a great night and then didn't thinking about drinking again until the next social occasion came up.

Trouble was I was never that guy.

least

Nope. I only wanted to moderate to prove I could control my drinking instead of it controlling me.

It's just so much easier to not drink at all.

hokey

I always drank to get drunk ... moderate? Nah ... doesn't appeal to me. All or none

ScottFromWI

I honestly think that if you have to consciously consider moderate drinking, you are already incapable if it. People who can drink moderately just do it, the thought would never even cross their mind. Do I ponder it? of course. The difference now is that I accept that it is (and always will be) impossible for me.

gettingbetter64

I used to be able to moderate but that was before I was an alcoholic :/. I wouldn't even want moderate at this point for me it was either get really drunk or not drink at all. I'm much happier without alcohol.

hauntao

Most of my relapses occur from this thinking. 2 glasses of wine in, I realize, all I can think about is more alcohol, it ruins the social outing and I end up in bars all night. Every time.

Nuudawn

I don't know if I ever wanted to really moderate. I just wanted to be normal. I want an "off" button I can rely on.
I would also like to win the lottery.
I believe my odds are better on the lottery.
I wanted to have a glass or two of wine and know when to stop. Sometimes I can...but mostly I can't.
Mostly I don't want to stop. I want the high to never end so I keep drinking until I don't even know where I am.

CAPTAINZING2000

My moderation was like trying to land a jumbo jet on a small airstrip. Sigh

Thepatman

I would have a better chance strapping myself to a banana and flying to the moon than being able to drink normally.

The only times I did moderate, it was torture and an excuse to drink even more the next time.

LadyBlue0527

Wow Mirage,

I'm not sure why but I have seen that question so many times before and it's hitting me differently at this moment. I think that I just had a bit of true honesty with myself.

I can say I wanted to moderate but that's a lie. Drinking to me was working towards total and complete numbness and annihilation. That was the goal. To make the world go away. To be at a place where I could give two you know whats about anything other than the fact that I was smashed and that there was more beer in the fridge.

So it would also be untrue to say that I wished that I could be a normal drinker. I see absolutely no fun in having a few drinks for enjoyment. There was no enjoyment, just an insatiable need for more.

Just like non addicts don't understand us I don't understand them. To me drinking is all about pushing everything to the extreme.

Self destruction at it's finest. What a waste.

Happy to be here, every day I learn from this board.

instant

I don't think drinking in moderation is in my nature. I have a tendency to seek a "buzz" and keep chasing it- after three years of sobriety I know that tendency has not disappeared- it is just dormant or inactive currently- just add alcohol and it will spring back to life

Soberpotamus

I can remember back in my twenties, a few drinks would give me a nice buzz too. It seemed different back then. Not sure just how much my brain has been altered since. Not sure I want to know

When I first drank I felt the exhilaration that seems to be present in those who eventually develop addiction. That seems to be a defining characteristic for us. And then somehow, our amygdala and basal brain region interprets this experience similarly to the way it does with food, sex... there's pleasure there associated with furthering our survival.

Buy yeah... moderation with drinking? Haha! Not me. If one's good, two's better, and so on.

Kris47

A type A personality doesn't know what moderation means.

DoubleDragons

A realization that I have come to, is that even what I thought was moderate drinking was really probably considered somewhat heavy drinking by most of the "normal alcohol drinkers" population. So, no, truly moderate drinking (I think I read somewhere that for average Americans that is 3-4 drinks a month - ha!) what is the point?!?

Dollyangel17

Oh sure, I "wanted" to moderate, but as others have said....by the time I started thinking about it...it was not a possibility.

That didn't stop me from trying to come up with moderation plans however...the usual drill...drink only on "special occasions"...FAIL...okay, "drink only on weekends"...FAIL...okay, "drink just 2 each day"...FAIL...okay, "just only drink after work with no more morning drinking"...FAIL!!!

Yep...not possible for this gal!

Notimetoloose

This is how I feel about my true end goal with drinking is about as well.

Moderating feels appealing to me because it has normalcy written all over it.

gardendiva

I would love to be able to drink moderately. I will never be able to. It is what it is.

Croissant

I do remember what it was like to be normal, not have drinking on my radar at all. Going out to a club meant most likely not drinking. I may have had one later in the night....and could never, ever understand how people could just keep drinking fluid...even apart from the alcohol aspect, I would think, how can you just keep drinking?

I actually didn't like the feeling of getting drunk at all. Totally didn't get it. I'm honestly not even sure I do now. How I could have gotten to the point where I have given up whole chunks of my life for that feeling just devastates me.

Moderate really doesn't come into it for me...I don't even bother with what it would even look like....it's a mirage. I wasn't a drinker, then I was.

patricia68

I've learned the hard way that once you had alcohol for breakfast, lunch and dinner there's no turning back. You develop tolerance and you can't ever be that "normal" person again that only drinks a glass or two.