Blossom717

ABF, our dd, me, and my brother's wife and kids all went on a camping trip this weekend. ABF didn't drink any liqour, but did manage to drink over 7 6packs (i only know this because he brought 6 with him and bought more). He says its a win but whatever, Its his life, I did my best to enjoy my time with my family no matter what.

There were other dramatics going on, my brother's new wife is extremely insecure so that was something I had to hear about all weekend and was a stressor. I kind of tried to block out any irritants with ABF, I am trying to avoid as much anxeity as possible.

Anyway, I was talking to my brother this morning. He said that ABF was trying to say that I drink too much. (I had had a few of those mango-ritas with my sister in law saturday). My brother knows the situation. I'm not worried about that but I just wonder, have any of you had your A try to convince others that you were the one with the drinking problem? I don't drink during the week and hardly ever on the weekends, maybe a beer or a glass of wine at a cook out or social gathering, but I have to watch DD and make sure shes safe so I don't go overboard.

I just thought it was kind of ironic, but not surprising

involved

Yep...I was once on a camping trip with friends and our kids....it was a rainey sunday, and XABF and his cooler headed over to our friends camper ti watch the race with our friends wo dont drink. All the kids came to my camper and we made brownies and played the game spoons for hours! A while into this the lady friend/mom came over and said that when she asked what I was doing my XABFAhat...said that I was drinking! She saw that I was clearly not and had several witnesses...he was te only one out of 8 people who was! Its gaslighting...and its on him.

lillamy

Oh yes. Which didn't work so well given that most of our marriage I was either pregnant, nursing, or training for an athletic endurance event and thus not drinking at all. But reality never bothered an alcoholic much...

Charmed3

Yes he tried to convince others it was me. And when that didn't work he tried to say we BOTH had a problem.

Hmmm. I go to work, rarely call in sick, never been suspended from work and forced into treatment, haven't been to treatment 3 times, no DUI's, haven't puked or peed in bed, haven't passed out, blacked out, kicked in doors, threaten bodily harm or not been able to not remember details from the nights or days previous.

Towards the end of my time with him, I hadn't had anything with alcohol at all for close to 2 years. He hadn't actually seen me drink anything in probably 5 years. But he is still telling people I have a problem.

Go figure.

Blossom717

I think he is trying to convince people this because he found out I have video/voice documented some of his drunk antics. he also has had a freaking moonshine still, and I took pictures of it for documentation. So he knows hes pretty much screwed when it comes to custody. I hope anyway.

So I think he's trying to turn it against me. Funny though, because like my brother said : "I like how he said he's cutting back on liquor, but he is just drinking twice as much beer" .....yea.

I have no qualms with not even having a drink at a social function, it would actually be funny to see him try and say I'm an A when he's always the one who has to get carried, pees the bed/floor/sink, reeks of alcohol, and never eats. but hey, he can give it a shot i guess.

hopeful4

O yes. As part of my divorce on the decree it states that my XAH cannot have alcohol in the presence of my kids or 24 hrs before. He insisted that it be put in there for me also. I drink maybe once per year, a glass of wine if that.

It's just manipulation. It will never change.

Stay strong, don't fall for it. And FYI....that's a lot of beer. Alcohol is alcohol.

dandylion

Blossom717---yes,this is common practice among alcoholics. It is a shame that your daughter had to bear witness.

dandylion

BlueSkies1

Falsehoods like this are not worthy of our consideration.

I hope you enjoyed your camping trip in other ways! Camping can be great fun.

Blossom717

Blueskies - I did, my dd isn't three yet but she had a great time, and loves being outside. I also loved spending time with my twin brother and his family.

I tried to not let him get to me too much. It kind of does hurt though. I had mentioned while we were camping that I was surprised we hadn't bickered much. He said he was trying to work it out with me. Then he said that to my brother. So in a way I guess I feel backhanded, but in another sense I could see it coming one way or another. Its not worth bringing up to him.

hopeful4

Alcoholics are so so good at manipulation and it does hurt. I am sorry.

I am glad you had a good time camping. We love to camp too!

dandylion

I can't help but laugh.......work it out?.....it is just like an alcoholic to think that 42beers is the way to work something out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!lmaolm ao

Blossom717

I like the way you put that in to prospective!

ladyscribbler

Yes, my one or two glasses of wine or beer was the problem. He actually left me a slurry, incoherent voicemail after I left him saying that my drinking was a real problem and it was tearing the family apart. Project much?
His daily half gallon or more of vodka was fine, because he just liked to drink. Losing control of your bladder and bowels is also OK if you're blacked out and don't remember it, because that means it didn't happen. Also if someone notices, you can just blame the dog.

POAndrea

Ohhhhhh yes. The old "Well, I may have drank a fifth of vodka yesterday, but YOU had TWO whole glasses of wine."

Therapists call this projection. It's a kind of defense mechanism where we take our own nasty thoughts, feelings and actions and attribute them to someone else instead. I think our A's find this to be an easy trick, because we've already shown them how to object to drinking.