Pia

So AH won't leave me alone. period.

I have tried going No Contact alot of different things.

So my AH doesn't just have alcoholic issues there is some deep rooted stuff.
wont go into detail

One of the big things for ME is the lack of respect for me regarding other women. I know some will roll there eyes at this but it is a deal breaker for me.

He lies up and down to me about talking to other woman but I never shoeed him had hard core proof. Just the going back and forth with words

Over time I have been able to gather HARD Core proof of Porn and comments and trying to talk to other women.

I have been working on my recovery however it is hard when he won't freaken go away so my question is should I devolge my proof and show him what I have or is it no use?

I haven't thinking it would be no use but now questioning it?

He has been going around contacting friends of mine and making it sound like im the crazy one so now I am just wondering if I should
just show him the screen shots I have or is it not worth it.

I forgot to add he is at the stage now where job is in jeopardy, and he is telling me how he wants to work on marriage and he loves me and hasn't slept with anyone and he knows he has caused me alot of pain and broke me and didn't bother to put me back together yada yada.

IF I show him my proof he will know where i got it from.

Mango blast

This seems like the core issue. We know arguing with a drunk is futile, and as my husband and his rehab counselor say about active alcoholics, "if an alcoholic is talking, they're lying."

That makes the rest of why you want no contact and for him to leave you alone a non-issue. The fact that you want this is enough.

When you try to go NC, what happens? Documenting things may be helpful in getting a restraining order. You are important. You deserve happiness and to not be continually pulled into his chaos. I take it he refuses to go to rehab? In that case, he's not very serious about all the other stuff he "wants".

Pia

I keep forgetting he isn't normal arghhhhhhhh

Pia

I have told him it is over this marriage is too damaged and can not be repaired.

He tells me so if I get my stuff together can we have a kid or can I consider it.

amy55

Radiant,

You said this was a dealbreaker for you. Is it? You have the proof. Even without the proof how much trust do you have in him?

All of a sudden now he wants to work on the marriage and he is unemployed. How hard is he looking for a job? Does that even matter?

Working on the marriage and all the other BS is just BS.

Here for you.

(((((((((hugs)))))))))

amy55

Yep, and my ex once said to me we can have sex tonight, or we can fight tonight. Which would you prefer?

I guess he knows you want children.

Sending out the bait to you.



Sorry I misread, his job is in jeopardy, he isn't unemployed.

Pia

Hi Amy - I always had a nagging feeling in my gut something was just not right but I thought it was me. Then I finally found out the truth and got proof. It was always him telling me I was crazy and I must of had some trama when I was young, when I didn't but then thought maybe I did but can't remember it arghhhh

He is still working but his boss wanted to fire him but he said he won't bc he is the best at what he does he just has an attitude problem and needs to fix it.

Pia

Ha Ha that is the problem I don't and won't. He is the one that has been wanting one forever but I just knew deep down not to.

He can't even take care of his dog. I can't imagine a child.

Mango blast

What steps have you taken for NC? Where is this breaking down?

amy55

Go with your gut feeling. I hate to say that I spent about 25 years trying to fix me, till I no longer knew who "me" was. Then I started to learn, started setting boundaries, and my ex wanted the old "me" back. I told him that this is what I was working on. That's not what he wanted. He wanted the doormat back.

Just keep putting things out here, it feels good to get things off your chest doesn't it? I know it does for me.

We do understand.

meggygoround30

I feel you. My XAB did the same thing. He constantly talked to other women online and actually had a relationship with one in another state who he visited and she stayed at our apartment when I wasn't there. They got drunk, had sex in our bed and filmed it.

He knew how I felt but still did it, saying Im not intimate with him (kind of hard to be turned on by someone who abuses me, vomits everywhere making me clean up, and is abusive). I honestly don't think he will ever change because he is so insecure and it makes him feel better getting attention even if it's negative attention.

My advice: if you love each other enough to try, go for it. He needs to get help for the drinking and maybe make some compromises. Like go out on a date if he's doing well and make it romantic. I mean, in a normal relationship that sounds easy. But with alcoholics, trust is rarely there if at all. I hope things work out, just be careful and don't let yourself get hurt even more. I know it sucks. You deserve better.

Pia

Block call and Texts

Change locks

Change garage door passcode

Not answered the door

Told him not to bother me in a nice way and mean way

Spamed and blocked his email

Now he says he sees the light. It broke down when the weekend came and I left the garage door open enough of time for me to run in the house to my room grab something turn around and WHAM there he is.

I left the garage door open.........

Pia

merrygoround30- I'm so so sorry that happened to you. I had to take a step back after reading your post.

My marriage is over, You couldn't pay me to be in this relationship.

I was thinking maybe if I showed him the proof I had would be just stop. I don't know my head is spinning.

Mags1

Hi Radiant, he's persistent.
Can he not be rational enough to give you space, respect your wishes.

He must have some lucid moments when you can get through to him about respecting your wishes, or maybe he hasn't.

I understand what you're going through, my mum and dad were similar and he would've never ever let her leave and she gave in. Forever.

Sending hugs and love xx

LoveMeNow

Your husband was gaslighting you, making you feel crazy. That's abuse of the worst kind. Block and walk!!

Pia

It comes in spurts he left me alone for years and now all of a sudden he has seen the light so he says.

Mags1

Hi again, pictures, videos. If you show him them he will have a crazy answer, Unrational.

Sounds like he may turn it round somehow to suit himself, him being the injured person, drunks have no rational thoughts, just my opinion..

Pia

I never knew what gaslighting meant.

Yes he had me a mess for years omg and I feel for it.

amy55

Radiant,

How long has he been gone? Did you ever talk to anyone about some of the things you went thru when you were with him?

Pia

ok that's what I was thinking but started doubting myself. thank you.