happyandfree

Just began my 4th month....it's been a mixed bag of emotions and questioing whether I want to continue. I drank 3-4× per week and always tried to limit myself so I wouldn't have to suffer too much the next day at work. I usually overindulged when I tried not to. Denial and rationalization are alive and well. Reading these posts have helped me tremendously. I try to have gratitude in my life and also try to keep in mind why I need to abstain. There are so many reasons, and so many benefits of knocking alcohol out of my life. The fog is beginning to lift from my brain and I don't feel sick anymore. Actually, I am feeling better every day. Shame, self-loathing, and guilt are not with me all the time.. I am dealing with life...and coping without escape. Yes, life without alcohol is a good thing. I pray I can continue to abstain....one day at a time. Thank you for being here.

Raider

Congratulations.

Dee74

I hope writing that out helped you a little in your resolve happyandfree

D

LBrain

congrats and welcome to the forum

Kitkat331

I really relate to this...whenever I start to think "oh it wasn't that bad..." in reference to my drinking, I remember the constant feeling of shame & self-loathing that I had. Even if it wasn't "that bad" as far as having done anything terrible, it really was that bad on the inside--I felt unhappy with myself all the time. Now, I don't have to feel that way anymore.

Verte

Welcome to the forum happyandfree. Well done hitting the 4th month

What you wrote and kitkat331 quoted really hit home and touched me as well. And is essentially why I am Day8 (ohhhh Joy! Day9!).

My first thought a few weeks ago while updating my resume for an amazing opportunity was that I have to try really hard not to 'mess it up'. After a day of deep thinking I realized that every burning instance of feeling "shame, self-loathing and guilt" involved alcohol consumption, without exception...and if I kept it in my life it would continue to be just a liability to everything I would ever hope to feel in this lifetime.

Realizing this was the turning point for me. It just hit me and became totally obvious that I needed to be done with that. Remove the alcohol and remove the liability. It feels liberating. And today, while I drove in traffic I felt lighter and more free. All that for making the commitment to boot alcohol. You cannot buy this type of freedom.

I applaud you for "dealing with life...and coping without escape". I imagine that it takes a lot of hard work to 'be still' and I admire this achievement of yours.

Do you find that you are sleeping well these days? Keep reading and posting. The perspectives here are so varied and challenging...and I find this helpful when I am feeling uncertain.

I'm fighting sleep now so it is a bit ramble-y. But I thank you for reminding me why I am here and want to remain here. Everyone here will remind you as well Sometimes that is all we need to rest a little easier.

huntingtontx

Congratulations of four months. I am really proud of you. It gets better every day.

KateL

xxx

Treerat66

Well done on 4 months happyandfree.

happyandfree

Thanks everybody. You are wonderful. And yes, I am sleeping like a baby now. I haven't slept so well in years! Not so good for the first month or so. I think life in general is getting better-

Verte

Happyandfree - it is so nice to read that you are sleeping like a baby and I am happy that life is getting better in general.

I hope today has been a good day for you! Take care...LTV.