retna

Hello there -

So a bit about me. I am almost 4 years sober and love it. I quit cold turkey with no help but my own resolve. When I quit I was drinking 750ml a day of vodka and usually more. Its been so nice to not wake up and the first thing on my mind being: "do I have any alcohol around?" or "is the liquor store open yet?"

However, I have been dating recently and its hard to keep saying no and not bring up my sobriety, it always seems awkward and serious. I dont try to put my sober lifestyle on others, so when I order a diet coke and she orders a Cosmo, I think portrays me as a holier than thou type. My question is: Is it ok for me to have a drink? Can I be a normal drinker, I kinda feel like I could have just one and stop.

Thank you

least

Congrats on 4 years sober! I wouldn't try drinking "just one" if I were you. It opens the door for regular drinking. I'd just explain to your friend that you used to drink but got sick of it so you quit. There's nothing 'holier than thou' about that.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum retna!!

If your the type of alcoholic I was, then the answer is no, I couldn't moderate, I can't have 1 drink and that's the end of it, moderation is not an option for me.

My question is why risk your 4yrs Sobriety? it's a fantastic achievement, but to potentially throw it all away in a date, it doesn't make sense.

YOU have chosen to be Sober!! . . . the phrase "I don't drink" should be enough for whoever you are dating, and if it is not, is that really someone you want to spend time with, someone who doesn't accept the Sober you for who you are??

It's nothing to do with being holy or religious either, just simply a life choice, but you need to stick to your resolve to be Sober!!

Received

Well, why did you quit drinking four years ago? How were things looking back then? I know I didn't quit drinking because I was having a great life. My life basically sucked..full of self loathing, guilt, shame, fear and unrelenting anxiety.

Don't miss that crap one bit and I have no problem telling someone I don't drink. Don't need to give them a reason and if they push me for an explanation then that makes me re-think the friendship.

Alcohol and "just one" don't even belong in the same sentence for me.

SoberLeigh

You are four years sober and you love it, retna.

Personally, I wouldn't risk that for anything.

Moderation never, ever, ever worked for me; each experiment was a total failure. The overwhelming majority of people on SR will tell you the same thing.

Cherish your sobriety.

retna

You are right and I agree its not worth it. Is it ever possible to now become a social (normal) drinker?

SoberLeigh

I know that, for me, it is not possible, retna.

PurpleKnight

Not possible for me either, and I would say the reason you became Sober in the first place, is you didn't think it could work for you, you went completely Sober for a reason, that reason is still the same 4yrs on surely?!

biminiblue

I was drinking less than 750ml a day and I was not doing well. I can't imagine that drinking that amount was putting you on a winning streak, right?

I used to be able to drink one beer. But at the end, that was no longer an option and the vicious cycle of drink/sleep/anxiety/drink/sleep/anxiety had to stop. I know I can't go back and have even one.

Tried that. Didn't work.

Ruby2

Congrats on four years. I have only five months but...a friend of mine who has five years wrote something down for me out of the AA Big Book which I just today ran across in my stack of bills. I will share it with you. Page 30 says "The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker." That says it all for me. I don't know what your drinking was like for you to quit but I know I will never be able to control my drinking. The Big Book relates the story of a man who quit for his entire adult life, picking up again when he retired. He went back to where he left off before he stopped like he had never quit. I wouldn't risk it. Not for a date.

Another

You made a decision that has changed your course of life for how much the better? I'd focus on that measurement and not think too much about the small stuff, To refrain from drinking alcohol is admirable. It's great to hear you have a girlfriend. I'm 4yrs 4mo sober and havent found one yet. I've been out with a few different women and even though they drank semi moderate it was remarkable the change in personality. Kind of disgusting actually

Hevyn

Hi retna. I'm glad you're here.

I'm probably the wrong person to ask. I was 3 yrs. sober and went on a date. I didn't want to tell him I couldn't drink, so I accepted the wine he ordered. Drank 4 that night. Next day I decided I did alright, so I could probably resume social drinking. It didn't take long before I was right back in the grips of it - and it was hell to get off it again. I'm not saying that would happen to you - but please be careful with your precious sobriety.

Tamerua

sounds like you're the right person to ask. Glad you made it back to teach us newbs.

Retna, I know that for me, if I allow one, I'm off to the races. You could just say you don't drink... People who don't have a problem with alcohol don't think much about people who don't drink. Just something I have noticed.

Dollyangel17

I agree with everyone...most alcoholics can't moderate...that's what makes us alcoholics to begin with!

Ruby...I remember that story from the Big Book. The guy was an alcoholic and he quit for 25 years and was a successful businessman. When he retired he earned the right to drink again and felt he could handle it because he had given it up for so long before. He was dead 4 years later from alcohol!

So no....definitely not worth it!

Dollyangel17

I should say he FELT he earned the right to drink.

biminiblue

I drank from age 13 to age 33. By that time my life was a mess. I had been through a series of bad relationships, I was married and living in a new city where I didn't know anyone. I had made several geographic attempts at running from bad decisions in men, drinking all the while.

In my marriage, we both drank and he also smoked weed and did coke and God knows what else. He and I were always altered, therefore incapable of having an actual healthy relationship. When we divorced, I went to therapy. In the course of the next two years I got a job, lived alone and stopped drinking. After a couple more disastrous relationships I decided to take a break from that. I bought my home, stayed sober for 18 years, and no more relationships.

Picked it up again. Moderately drank for a year or two. Then the last four years have been Hell. The last two years I desperately tried moderation. It was awful. I really wanted to die at the end. I finally ended up on my knees begging God to help me.

The last drink was the next day. Three days later I went to my first AA meeting. I've been to 65 meetings in the last two months. Today is 60 days sober.

Finally.

brazilian

I was tricked by that thought after months and years of sobriety, and ended in the same place: addicted. Sad but true.

fini

retna,
Wasn't possible for me.
My peace with this and my lasting sobriety came when I understood that fact. I imagine being in a place like you are, where you're questioning that, is quite torturous.
In the AA book there is reference made to the need for the illusion that we could ever be like normal drinkers to be smashed, and I do think that's been crucial for me.
But you won't be able to know that from someone else, only from yourself and your own experience. What has your own experience bee with regards to choice, power, control and drinking? These words wouldn't even enter the conversation or thoughts of a " normal" drinker; they'd be irrelevant.
And if you're looking to hear from those few who might have gone to so- called normal or social drinking, you won't find them in a place like this here, a recovery forum.
Sorry you're in a place where having a drink seems like a good idea......but I' guessing, too, that you know it isn't, or you wouldn't be here asking about it.
Why is it so important not to say you don't drink to a possible date?

GotGrace

Yes. This.

soberlicious

What's important about having one drink?

Nothing. That's what.

One drink would not make you a better date. That's just silly.