Out of my own head...
pray for strength
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Out of my own head...
Hello to the forum.
By this time of day I generally feel desperate to get out of my own head. Today is the same except that I also feel determined to not drink any alcohol.
The self-destruction is ridiculous. The resulting emotions after a night of drinking are so much worse than my deepest fears, sadness or loneliness.
Like eating a triple layered SH&$ sandwich.
This is going to be a one day at a time thing for me. I generally feel really scared these days but I am not certain exactly why - only that it is uncomfortable to the extreme.
BaH! Thanks for listening.
By this time of day I generally feel desperate to get out of my own head. Today is the same except that I also feel determined to not drink any alcohol.
The self-destruction is ridiculous. The resulting emotions after a night of drinking are so much worse than my deepest fears, sadness or loneliness.
Like eating a triple layered SH&$ sandwich.
This is going to be a one day at a time thing for me. I generally feel really scared these days but I am not certain exactly why - only that it is uncomfortable to the extreme.
BaH! Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
Hi TheVerte.
Welcome to SR. Boy i know that feeling all to well. Sitting there for the entire next day in a state of complete panic and anxiety. It does get better when we stop drinking though.
I wish you all the best, this place is full of support, post as much as you like. Nearly all of us are or have been in the same situation.
Day 1 for me too after a moronic bender.
All the best
Welcome to SR. Boy i know that feeling all to well. Sitting there for the entire next day in a state of complete panic and anxiety. It does get better when we stop drinking though.
I wish you all the best, this place is full of support, post as much as you like. Nearly all of us are or have been in the same situation.
Day 1 for me too after a moronic bender.
All the best
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome LeTheVerte 
Wishing to 'get out of my own head' led me to 24/7 drinking in the end. It's good you are admitting what alcohol is doing to your life & realizing where it will lead. I became completely dependent, thinking I was helping myself to cope. It did just the opposite - and brought me to my knees. This won't happen to you. Glad you are with us.
MrG - Day One is rough, but you're making it.
Wishing to 'get out of my own head' led me to 24/7 drinking in the end. It's good you are admitting what alcohol is doing to your life & realizing where it will lead. I became completely dependent, thinking I was helping myself to cope. It did just the opposite - and brought me to my knees. This won't happen to you. Glad you are with us.
MrG - Day One is rough, but you're making it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Welcome to SR, LeTheVerte. I am glad you are here. You have made an important first step by coming here. Your next step is to do exactly what you said: Don't drink today. Then, tomorrow, come back to SR, read some more, and go from there. If you can make a plan and stick to it, I promise you that the fear and the anxiety will subside.
Good luck on your sober journey. You are doing the right thing.
Good luck on your sober journey. You are doing the right thing.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,544
You'll do fantastic! Just keep your mind set in the right direction. Think positive-positive-positive. I feel a bit uneasy at times also. That is why I am writing to you now. If we all get our thoughts together on a way to achieve so'briety we WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN!
Just like that little girl in the movie "Miracle on 34th Street" when she had doubts about what santa had told her. She keep repeating to herself "I BELIEVE-I BELIEVE". You know what? I BELIEVE I DON'T NEED ALCOHOL IN MY LIFE
Just like that little girl in the movie "Miracle on 34th Street" when she had doubts about what santa had told her. She keep repeating to herself "I BELIEVE-I BELIEVE". You know what? I BELIEVE I DON'T NEED ALCOHOL IN MY LIFE
pray for strength
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Your responses of support are deeply appreciated.
Each day I will be reading and appreciating. One year ago I first took a look at the SR site, appreciated it and the strength of everyone, but I was not ready.
An entire year has passed where reaching for my favorite cork-screw or into the bottom of the refrigerator became a reflexive action...time of day became immaterial if I felt I 'needed' it.
"I'm doing it, I'm doing it, I'm doing it"...night one has not been too crazy, except for the surprising revelation that there is a lot of alcohol drinking on primetime TV. I might just have to stick to books or the radio for a while.
My poor throat and brain are screaming that somehow I need it...feels more than a little nuts. I am trying to remind myself about the crazy things I have done, written or said to people in my life without getting too down about myself.
I want upwards and out of this hell on earth. It feels really good to be able to write these thoughts on SR. And it feels really good to be in the company of people who 'get it'. I feel grateful.
Thanks.
Each day I will be reading and appreciating. One year ago I first took a look at the SR site, appreciated it and the strength of everyone, but I was not ready.
An entire year has passed where reaching for my favorite cork-screw or into the bottom of the refrigerator became a reflexive action...time of day became immaterial if I felt I 'needed' it.
"I'm doing it, I'm doing it, I'm doing it"...night one has not been too crazy, except for the surprising revelation that there is a lot of alcohol drinking on primetime TV. I might just have to stick to books or the radio for a while.
My poor throat and brain are screaming that somehow I need it...feels more than a little nuts. I am trying to remind myself about the crazy things I have done, written or said to people in my life without getting too down about myself.
I want upwards and out of this hell on earth. It feels really good to be able to write these thoughts on SR. And it feels really good to be in the company of people who 'get it'. I feel grateful.
Thanks.
pray for strength
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
So...
Once a while back when I was standing in line at the grocery store and putting all the groceries on the conveyor belt, my two little pint-sized kids were blocking my path.
So I said "BEEP, BEEP!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry!!" replied the woman standing next to us as she jumped out of the way.
Ahhhh. I'm just trying to think of things that make me smile. I never realized until that moment in the grocery store that I fairly regularly 'beeped' at my kids.
Today I just feel like crying. No reason in particular. Just a sob lodged somewhere in my soul.
Does anyone have a funny story to share? Or something that made you giggle like a school child.
Thanks for the support. Just day2 and rough going as I try to work from home.
Once a while back when I was standing in line at the grocery store and putting all the groceries on the conveyor belt, my two little pint-sized kids were blocking my path.
So I said "BEEP, BEEP!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry!!" replied the woman standing next to us as she jumped out of the way.
Ahhhh. I'm just trying to think of things that make me smile. I never realized until that moment in the grocery store that I fairly regularly 'beeped' at my kids.
Today I just feel like crying. No reason in particular. Just a sob lodged somewhere in my soul.
Does anyone have a funny story to share? Or something that made you giggle like a school child.
Thanks for the support. Just day2 and rough going as I try to work from home.
pray for strength
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hey there,
I did it! I'm doing it. Day2 was rough for me. Hard to feel annoyed with everything and everyone around me, including myself. Not to mention other stuff. Worth it.
Had epic nightmares last night and woke up sad BUT sober and happy to post on SR now.
My day3 is today.
Thanks for being here everyone and my fingers are crossed for continued strength for us all. Appreciate you all.
I did it! I'm doing it. Day2 was rough for me. Hard to feel annoyed with everything and everyone around me, including myself. Not to mention other stuff. Worth it.
Had epic nightmares last night and woke up sad BUT sober and happy to post on SR now.
My day3 is today.
Thanks for being here everyone and my fingers are crossed for continued strength for us all. Appreciate you all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 14
I just wanted to extend a warm welcome. I joined this week myself and this is all new to me. I hate the feelings you are describing and I am getting sick and tired of the anxiety and self-absorption that comes with drinking. It takes up too much time. The new tactic I am am trying is when I start feeling this way, I am reaching out to someone else and doing something nice for them. It takes me from focusing on myself......this disease is a selfish one. Best of luck to you on your journey!
pray for strength
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Thanks so much WS for the warm welcome. I definitely need to stay in touch to keep my spirits up on this roller-coaster. Determined to just ride with it today.
I hear you about the selfish aspects.
Funny though, I always thought I was doing people a bit of a favor by drinking in their presence. I'm one of those intense ones that looks a little too deeply in the eyes.
Um. Have to take another look at that whole chain of thought.
Welcome to you WS as well and I wish you strength! We are doing this!!
I hear you about the selfish aspects.
Funny though, I always thought I was doing people a bit of a favor by drinking in their presence. I'm one of those intense ones that looks a little too deeply in the eyes.
Um. Have to take another look at that whole chain of thought.
Welcome to you WS as well and I wish you strength! We are doing this!!
pray for strength
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Thanks so much Hevyn! And everyone.
It means the world to me to be exactly here right now (I would usually say, 'you have no idea how much', but I'm certain that you actually do know).
Today I had a super personal victory:
Today I went through a certification process without a hangover. May sound trivial but it is huge for me. Awhile back I started preceding significant or 'important' things and events by getting blitzed, blotto, obliterated the evening before. Then I would wake up, work, and go to bed as soon as possible after.
Feeling like the gum-stuck-to-the-bottom-of-the-devil's-shoe kept me from over-thinking or over-feeling. Thus functioning at the bare minimum necessary. Hmmmmm. Working on this.
Makes me want to cry just thinking about it. Except that today was better than just basic human body functioning.
Day3. Eyes on the prize. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One second at a time.
Deep breath. It is that awfully hard time of the day for me.
Thanks bazillions for being here.
It means the world to me to be exactly here right now (I would usually say, 'you have no idea how much', but I'm certain that you actually do know).
Today I had a super personal victory:
Today I went through a certification process without a hangover. May sound trivial but it is huge for me. Awhile back I started preceding significant or 'important' things and events by getting blitzed, blotto, obliterated the evening before. Then I would wake up, work, and go to bed as soon as possible after.
Feeling like the gum-stuck-to-the-bottom-of-the-devil's-shoe kept me from over-thinking or over-feeling. Thus functioning at the bare minimum necessary. Hmmmmm. Working on this.
Makes me want to cry just thinking about it. Except that today was better than just basic human body functioning.
Day3. Eyes on the prize. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One second at a time.
Deep breath. It is that awfully hard time of the day for me.
Thanks bazillions for being here.
pray for strength
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Today is the start of Day4.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life...what am I going to do with it Hah! Everything sober.
Last night was such a painful experience for me being around non-supportive persons. I am not wasting any more time making excuses for anyone. Pretty eye-opening.
The important thing is that I am resolved.
Thanks for being here! I read SR posts all night when I could not sleep.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life...what am I going to do with it
Hah! Everything sober.Last night was such a painful experience for me being around non-supportive persons. I am not wasting any more time making excuses for anyone. Pretty eye-opening.
The important thing is that I am resolved.
Thanks for being here! I read SR posts all night when I could not sleep.
pray for strength
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Folding 5 baskets of laundry sober right now.
Listening to 'This American Life: I Was So High' on the radio (radio=one of my favorite pastimes).
Totally sober. SO thrilled to be me on day4!!
Listening to 'This American Life: I Was So High' on the radio (radio=one of my favorite pastimes).
Totally sober. SO thrilled to be me on day4!!
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