Knat84

My question is pretty much here in the title. Why do you feel that most social settings are generally centered around drinking?

As I have probably mentioned to you guys many times, I have been sober for going on 3 years. I still have "friends" (I never see and who never call anymore) who are always in photos online drinking and hanging out. Do I think they're alcoholics, no, not all of them... but, I just wanted to get all of your takes on it. Thanks guys!

BrendonM

Probably because it makes people (most of them) more gregarious and likely to open up. It is sort of a social stimulant.

suki44883

Possibly because most people aren't alcoholics and having a few drinks with friends doesn't turn into a 3 week binge. I think many of us who are alcoholic are more aware of just how much drinking has become so prevalent in society.

It's kind of like when you buy a car and you start seeing the same car all over the place, but you never really noticed them until you bought one yourself.

doggonecarl

Drinkers center their social situations around drinking, not sober-minded folks.

Knat84

That's a great way to put it! Thanks! But, what do you make of the friends who won't hang with other friends (i.e. me) who do not drink anymore? lol. Either it's because they genuinely don't like me or don't like the me I am when not drinking. ha.
Here's the thing: I've had a friend who has been putting me off for a few mos. stating that she has been so-- busy and that is why she hasn't been able to call or go out with me, however, I see her on her personal site going out with friends, having drinks and what not. What should I make of it? How do I not get a little confused and upset over this? Thanks!

Knat84

Might I also mention that IF we ever do hang, it will be in a place where there is no booze. I think she knows this...as I mentioned just coming to my house and catching up.

biminiblue

If you don't want to drink yourself, find sober friends or friends who aren't looking for reasons to drink.

When I quit drinking I had to change everything - including (at least for now) my friends.

Why does it bother you that this one person is doing drinking things?

suki44883

Well, in spite of what I posted before, there are those drinkers who do have a problem with alcohol and they may feel uncomfortable around you since you have stopped drinking. Sometimes it forces them to look at their own drinking habits and they're just not ready to do that.

Also, most non-alcoholics don't truly understand alcoholism. They think an alcoholic is someone who lives under a bridge somewhere drinking Ripple out of a paper bag. They honestly don't realize that alcoholism is not a respecter of persons and highly successful people can be alcoholics.

Maybe your friend just doesn't know what to say to you now that you no longer drink. Maybe she doesn't think people can have fun and not drink alcohol. Maybe she has a drinking problem herself.

Knat84

It is not her drinking that bothers me. It is the fact that she is telling me over and over again that she is going to call me and we are going to hang out, but she never follows through. It upsets me seeing her on her personal website going out with friends usually at bars; she obviously can make time for others. It just so happens that every time I see her in a photo, he always has a drinking her hand. I suppose I am putting two and two together and seeing that my my not drinking could be one of the reasons she keeps flaking out on me.. As it is maybe a social lubricant for her?

Knat84

Wow! AutoCorrect really screwed me on that last post. Excuse all of my errors!

Anna

I think that it takes a shift in perception to find that not all social situations revolve around alcohol.

Knat84

It's hard to not perceive that when all of my friends (who I've not seen in a few, given) are in photos always consuming. Lol. But, yes, I see what you're saying and agree.

MattyBoy

Unfortunately here in the UK, most of them do.... A great shame for us struggling to stay sober but fortunately teetotalism is becoming more and more common and accepted in society today.

Tang

I don't think I would care if social situations had alcohol, but the very strong pressure I feel to drink to fit in is there.

brazilian

Because people are drunks.

GreenEggsAndHam

Agree with this.

miamifella

I think there are many social situations in which alcohol is present. But for non-alcoholics, the situation is centered on friends...not on booze.

Look around and you will see that about a third of the people are not even drinking!

EndGameNYC

Early on in sobriety, a guy close to my age who had a couple of nagging disabilities due to diabetes would occasionally ask me to help him out at work, around the house, and with his and his wife's computers. He's a property manager for a senior living community, and I was glad to help. He'd throw me a couple of bucks here and there, but it wasn't about the money. He gave me things to do when I had nothing to do, and I got to know him, his wife and their friends, all of whom are in AA. He brought me to meetings I wouldn't likely have gone to on my own.

When he found out I'm good in the kitchen, he asked me to cook a Thanksgiving turkey, then invited me to spend the holiday with his wife and a couple of their friends. I was experiencing intense, daily cravings for alcohol at the time, and spending Thanksgiving Day with them helped me through.

He has a barbecue at the end of the summer with a whole bunch of AA people, and he asked me to do all the grilling. I was happy to do it. It was a beautiful September day, and it helped me to feel more connected with people in the program. Needless to say, I had a very good time.

Towards the end of the day, he took up a collection from all the invited guests to pay me for my work. I told him that it wasn't necessary, that I didn't even know I'd be getting paid. He told me that he doesn't offer payment in advance, because he'd rather have someone there who's happy to do it.

These experiences in early sobriety, though very ordinary on the surface, made a big difference to me in the long run. All of this was a great introduction for me as to how to socialize, to live, really, without alcohol.

soberbythesea

I don't think it's actually true that most social situations center around drinking. I think we just see it that way because that's how it was with our old friends/drinking buddies.

I am well over a year and a half sober and I still won't go to any social event where drinking is the main goal. I won't go to happy hour, I won't go to wine tasting, I won't go to a brewery, I won't go to a "party" where I know the word party is code for get hammered. And I still manage to have a social life -- getting together with people for meals, movies, concerts, BBQs, pool parties or sporting events. Granted, some alcohol is sometimes consumed at these events too, but drinking alcohol is not the main point of the gathering.

least

I never had to worry about it as I always drank at home alone. But there are lots of things to do that don't involve alcohol/drinking. Might be harder to find than the bar on the corner but they are there.