New guy here, Cocaine was my struggle.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4
New guy here, Cocaine was my struggle.
Hello everyone, I have been a recreational user of coke for about 4-5 years every weekend. I wouldn't say i'm addicted i just did it because the friends i was around and pretty much out of habit/boredom. Over the past year or two I've been pretty much suffering from what i would call mild anhedonia. I have almost no sex drive (pretty much zero), feel like I'm living in a haze where nothing seems pleasurable and i have no desire to find pleasure in anything. The last time i did cocaine was Saturday last week and i have decided enough is enough after losing the girl of my dreams which was due to no drive and my alcohol consumption (she didn't know about the coke). This is the first time i have ever spoken about what i am going through which is a huge step for me. What i am wondering is if anyone has gone through this state including the low sex drive and how long it took to get back to normal if ever.
Thank you in advance.
Paul.
Thank you in advance.
Paul.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: The South
Posts: 398
Hey Paul,
Welcome to the forum. It takes courage to talk about this stuff and that is a big step.
I do not have a simple answer for you, but I know a lot of people here have posted about drugs and alcohol affecting their sex drive, as well as the ability to enjoy things that non-users find pleasure in. But everyone is different and recovers in a different way.
There is a men's group in this forum, and there happens to be a thread titled "sex drive" at the top. You may be able to get some good feedback there. All the best.
Welcome to the forum. It takes courage to talk about this stuff and that is a big step.
I do not have a simple answer for you, but I know a lot of people here have posted about drugs and alcohol affecting their sex drive, as well as the ability to enjoy things that non-users find pleasure in. But everyone is different and recovers in a different way.
There is a men's group in this forum, and there happens to be a thread titled "sex drive" at the top. You may be able to get some good feedback there. All the best.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 153
Wow Pez... I also lost a relationship with a great girl because of this. Well, there were other reasons but I had no drive with her. But I have to be honest and say it wasn't that I had no drive... it just wasnt there with her. I still think about if it was the drugs or the person or what... I think in my recovery I will realize the truth behind my behavior and then I will be at peace with the fact that it was a time in my life. I may be sad about it for a while but I strive to learn from my mistakes and try not to make them again.
It hurts right now though, no doubt.
I was also a weekend user for 15 years... get a grasp on it now man... I look back and see only further deterioration. If I had stopped when I first started trying I am certain my life would be different. With that said, I am happy that I am where I am today. I will not look back 3 years from now and wish I had stopped in 2014. I will be glad that I did and stuck to it.
Good luck and feel free to message me if you want to talk in more detail.
L8!
It hurts right now though, no doubt.
I was also a weekend user for 15 years... get a grasp on it now man... I look back and see only further deterioration. If I had stopped when I first started trying I am certain my life would be different. With that said, I am happy that I am where I am today. I will not look back 3 years from now and wish I had stopped in 2014. I will be glad that I did and stuck to it.
Good luck and feel free to message me if you want to talk in more detail.
L8!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4
Thanks for the replies, I'm 24 so my age in relation to the sex drive shouldn't be an issue. As for me just not being into her she was ridiculously beautiful, would even go as far as saying i was punching above my weight. Surprised she put up with my crappy drive for so long if i'm honest. I don't even look at women or want any intimacy with anyone whatsoever. I was popping viagra to try to keep her happy but i wasn't even enjoying the sex it felt more of a chore and she could tell.
Even day to day life just seems as if i'm a zombie and i'm just getting through it to see if the next day will be any different.
I've been kind of dabbling in drugs on and off since i was around 16-17 so it's quite a step for me. The past 12 months i've been drinking from Thursday to Sunday and just recovering for the rest of the week to do it over again. I'm just so anxious to know if this feeling is going to be a permanent fixture for the rest of my life or if things will gradually get back to normal.
I've stocked up on health supplements and vitamins and plan to join the gym tomorrow with a friend for a t-total life style tomorrow. I'm hoping that the gym and healthy lifestyle change might kick start my brain into wanting pleasurable such as the sex instead of wanting just to down 12 pints of lager and snort a gram.
Even day to day life just seems as if i'm a zombie and i'm just getting through it to see if the next day will be any different.
I've been kind of dabbling in drugs on and off since i was around 16-17 so it's quite a step for me. The past 12 months i've been drinking from Thursday to Sunday and just recovering for the rest of the week to do it over again. I'm just so anxious to know if this feeling is going to be a permanent fixture for the rest of my life or if things will gradually get back to normal.
I've stocked up on health supplements and vitamins and plan to join the gym tomorrow with a friend for a t-total life style tomorrow. I'm hoping that the gym and healthy lifestyle change might kick start my brain into wanting pleasurable such as the sex instead of wanting just to down 12 pints of lager and snort a gram.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: NJ
Posts: 60
Pez,
I'm the same way. I used to have a sex drive but fell a slave to coke and crack and lost my drive for years. No one here is going to tell you how to live your life but take it from someone with lots of experience: quit now while you are still a bit ahead of it!
Addiction is gradual and sneaky like that. Use here and there, on the weekends, at parties, etc. Then it just turns into more and more, your money starts disappearing and the desire for sex or anything that ever brought you pleasure is gone before you know it. Any time I would take a break for a a week or two my desire to have sex would come back full force. Also I play music and I lost that passion during addiction. But days into taking a break that passion would come back and I'd find myself desperately scrambling to figure out any way at all to play some damn music! A piano, guitar, tapping drum stick on a practice pad, ANYTHING!
Those desires and passions DO come back, but in my experience, the first line or hit is always enough to make it disappear. So if you want to clean up, then you have to make that choice. Coming here and sharing is the first step. Try to get a nice week under your belt and see how you feel. I almost guarantee you'll want to make passionate love to a woman!
We'll always be here to help when you need to talk buddy. Glad you found us, and good luck!
-Steve-
I'm the same way. I used to have a sex drive but fell a slave to coke and crack and lost my drive for years. No one here is going to tell you how to live your life but take it from someone with lots of experience: quit now while you are still a bit ahead of it!
Addiction is gradual and sneaky like that. Use here and there, on the weekends, at parties, etc. Then it just turns into more and more, your money starts disappearing and the desire for sex or anything that ever brought you pleasure is gone before you know it. Any time I would take a break for a a week or two my desire to have sex would come back full force. Also I play music and I lost that passion during addiction. But days into taking a break that passion would come back and I'd find myself desperately scrambling to figure out any way at all to play some damn music! A piano, guitar, tapping drum stick on a practice pad, ANYTHING!
Those desires and passions DO come back, but in my experience, the first line or hit is always enough to make it disappear. So if you want to clean up, then you have to make that choice. Coming here and sharing is the first step. Try to get a nice week under your belt and see how you feel. I almost guarantee you'll want to make passionate love to a woman!
We'll always be here to help when you need to talk buddy. Glad you found us, and good luck!
-Steve-
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: london
Posts: 377
Hi paul,
Great to see you on here! I joined SA recently too. After 20 years of recreational drug use, I eventually started doing coke by myself intermittently, hiding it from my husband, and that's when I realised I had a problem.
If you read any literature on addiction, it will tell you that you don't need to be using every day, or even every week, to be addicted. It's whether you have control or not. It sounds like you're still young enough to pull things back, it's great that you've taken the first step and joined here.
Coke took away my sex drive intermittently, but I have never found it's taken much longer than a few weeks to come back. We're all different I guess though.
In terms of the boredom thing- I would recommend googling/reading up on coke's effect on the the brain. It basically rewires it so that you constantly crave things which will give you an immediate high/instant reward. Obviously normal life isn't like that all the time and that's where the problems start. I am very early into my recovery, but dealing with boredom as a normal part of life is something I'm finding challenging!
The good news is that It is possible to rewire the brain back again so that you do find pleasure in normal life and the small things. All you have to do is not use
As Njdude says, give it a week and see how much better you feel!
Great to see you on here! I joined SA recently too. After 20 years of recreational drug use, I eventually started doing coke by myself intermittently, hiding it from my husband, and that's when I realised I had a problem.
If you read any literature on addiction, it will tell you that you don't need to be using every day, or even every week, to be addicted. It's whether you have control or not. It sounds like you're still young enough to pull things back, it's great that you've taken the first step and joined here.
Coke took away my sex drive intermittently, but I have never found it's taken much longer than a few weeks to come back. We're all different I guess though.
In terms of the boredom thing- I would recommend googling/reading up on coke's effect on the the brain. It basically rewires it so that you constantly crave things which will give you an immediate high/instant reward. Obviously normal life isn't like that all the time and that's where the problems start. I am very early into my recovery, but dealing with boredom as a normal part of life is something I'm finding challenging!
The good news is that It is possible to rewire the brain back again so that you do find pleasure in normal life and the small things. All you have to do is not use
As Njdude says, give it a week and see how much better you feel!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 153
Chasing, you bring up a great point... needing more stimuli than the normal person to feel pleasure. I look forward to the day when I find pleasure in simpler things. It's coming slowly I think but I definitely still have that urge to always take things to the next level.
Not sure if that makes sense.
Example: sitting on a calm beach is uncomfortable... I want to be on south beach where there is lots of action!!!! OR going out to dinner casually with friends is not exciting enough... I think how much "better" it would be to be getting loaded or at a club or on a date getting drunk.... OR having a relationship with a girl needs to be intense with sparks and chemistry and constantly wanting to tear each other's clothes off - just sitting and connecting on a deeper level has not been enough for me in the past.
Not sure if that makes sense.
Example: sitting on a calm beach is uncomfortable... I want to be on south beach where there is lots of action!!!! OR going out to dinner casually with friends is not exciting enough... I think how much "better" it would be to be getting loaded or at a club or on a date getting drunk.... OR having a relationship with a girl needs to be intense with sparks and chemistry and constantly wanting to tear each other's clothes off - just sitting and connecting on a deeper level has not been enough for me in the past.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
Rc - I can totally relate to what you mean about casual dinners. Every time I did some activity that a sober person would enjoy I was restless and just couldn't wait for it to be over so I could go home and use by myself.
Paul - are you going to stop the booze too? Alcohol isn't going to help with the anhedonia either. I don't have that much experience with coke, but the anhedonia is common with most of the drugs of abuse. A lot of it depends on how active you are with your sobriety. Forcing myself to do things in early recovery that felt very 'blah' at the time was very beneficial to me. It didn't take that long for the 'blah' to go away, and things started to become interesting again.
Paul - are you going to stop the booze too? Alcohol isn't going to help with the anhedonia either. I don't have that much experience with coke, but the anhedonia is common with most of the drugs of abuse. A lot of it depends on how active you are with your sobriety. Forcing myself to do things in early recovery that felt very 'blah' at the time was very beneficial to me. It didn't take that long for the 'blah' to go away, and things started to become interesting again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by OpioPhobe 
Rc - I can totally relate to what you mean about casual dinners. Every time I did some activity that a sober person would enjoy I was restless and just couldn't wait for it to be over so I could go home and use by myself.
Paul - are you going to stop the booze too? Alcohol isn't going to help with the anhedonia either. I don't have that much experience with coke, but the anhedonia is common with most of the drugs of abuse. A lot of it depends on how active you are with your sobriety. Forcing myself to do things in early recovery that felt very 'blah' at the time was very beneficial to me. It didn't take that long for the 'blah' to go away, and things started to become interesting again.
Paul - are you going to stop the booze too? Alcohol isn't going to help with the anhedonia either. I don't have that much experience with coke, but the anhedonia is common with most of the drugs of abuse. A lot of it depends on how active you are with your sobriety. Forcing myself to do things in early recovery that felt very 'blah' at the time was very beneficial to me. It didn't take that long for the 'blah' to go away, and things started to become interesting again.
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