Want things to go back to normal
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 33
Want things to go back to normal
I haven't posted here in a long time, my DD was 9 months sober and was doing good or so I thought. She has 7 1/2 month old now. About 30 days ago she relapsed and wanted to go to rehab. So we got her in one..I took care of her son. Today she graduated from the program, and she is going to go to a meeting with her boyfriend, who is also an alcoholic. Anyway, I thought she would want to spend the day with her son..and I know she loves him. But she has anxiety..and her counselor told her to "take it slow" . I'm just confused..I want things to go back to "normal" or as normal as possible. Is that selfish of me? How patient should I be?
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Hi worriedinok,
Normal is a tricky word, I think you already know that. Maybe it's best if we just tear that page out of the dictionary and throw it away.
I'm sure other people with more experience on rehab will have better advice than I, but I heard it said somewhere that the three most important people in a recovering addicts life need to be 1)themselves, 2) their higher power, and 3) their sponsor. That would mean her child and you are numbers 4 and 5. That might sound worse than it is. She did, after all, want to go to rehab, didn't she? And she missed out on seeing her child to go to a meeting, not a social event. Maybe her counselor is right, maybe she just needs to "take it slow".
Alanon can be a lot of help to people in your situation. A good percentage there are people with adult children who suffering from addiction. You may want to check out a meeting. Addiction is often referred to as a "family" disease. Many of us on this forum can attest to the truth of that.
I know it's hard. Try to take care of yourself, and take it (in the words of AA and Alanon) "One Day at a Time". Good luck to all of you.
Normal is a tricky word, I think you already know that. Maybe it's best if we just tear that page out of the dictionary and throw it away.
I'm sure other people with more experience on rehab will have better advice than I, but I heard it said somewhere that the three most important people in a recovering addicts life need to be 1)themselves, 2) their higher power, and 3) their sponsor. That would mean her child and you are numbers 4 and 5. That might sound worse than it is. She did, after all, want to go to rehab, didn't she? And she missed out on seeing her child to go to a meeting, not a social event. Maybe her counselor is right, maybe she just needs to "take it slow".
Alanon can be a lot of help to people in your situation. A good percentage there are people with adult children who suffering from addiction. You may want to check out a meeting. Addiction is often referred to as a "family" disease. Many of us on this forum can attest to the truth of that.
I know it's hard. Try to take care of yourself, and take it (in the words of AA and Alanon) "One Day at a Time". Good luck to all of you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 33
SeriousKarma,
You are probably right about the "normal" I know that. I have a hard time understanding, and I know that's probably not possible either. She was going to hang out with her bf..(alcoholic) during the day and go to the meeting this evening, like she used to. I thought about al-anon, but the meetings are in the evenings too..and I work during the day. I babysit for her so she can go to meeting. So I'm kind of left out I feel like. Maybe I was just expecting too much?
You are probably right about the "normal" I know that. I have a hard time understanding, and I know that's probably not possible either. She was going to hang out with her bf..(alcoholic) during the day and go to the meeting this evening, like she used to. I thought about al-anon, but the meetings are in the evenings too..and I work during the day. I babysit for her so she can go to meeting. So I'm kind of left out I feel like. Maybe I was just expecting too much?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Expectations. There's another word that we should probably be throw in the trash.
You say she spent the day with her boyfriend. Are you worried that she isn't taking her recovery seriously? Is her boyfriend in recovery? I feel for you. This is so hard.
The advice you're going to get from anyone who knows anything is to take care of yourself. You are in a very difficult position, and nobody knows that as well as people in your same shoes. I'm glad to hear that you're thinking about going to Alanon. Please make every effort to go if possible. I've seen so many people in your exact situation reap benefits from the program. Sober Recovery, of course, is always here, there's a lot of good reading on this sight, and awesome people, but face to face support can be so important. I especially find a lot of parents of alcoholics at Alanon meetings, and that might be particularly beneficial to you.
My prayers for you, your daughter, and you're whole family.
You say she spent the day with her boyfriend. Are you worried that she isn't taking her recovery seriously? Is her boyfriend in recovery? I feel for you. This is so hard.
The advice you're going to get from anyone who knows anything is to take care of yourself. You are in a very difficult position, and nobody knows that as well as people in your same shoes. I'm glad to hear that you're thinking about going to Alanon. Please make every effort to go if possible. I've seen so many people in your exact situation reap benefits from the program. Sober Recovery, of course, is always here, there's a lot of good reading on this sight, and awesome people, but face to face support can be so important. I especially find a lot of parents of alcoholics at Alanon meetings, and that might be particularly beneficial to you.
My prayers for you, your daughter, and you're whole family.
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