allthatsgood

I needed to go through some files and clean out some material. I came across all the bills and files pertaining to my son's addiction. I don't know where I have been but I was stunned to realize it had been close to 5 years that I am aware of his usage. It doesn't seem possible but needless to say it left me feeling low. As I sifted through the bills from Detox, IOP, rehab and sober living, I recalled what was going on and what I was thinking or thought. In the earlier stages I was so naive,I thought he was working a recovery program back then but evidence after the fact proves he was not. But I didn't realize it. So now I'm wondering if I'm back to being naive again, thinking he is in recovery but possibly not. It's really hard not knowing the truth. How do you deal with this.

jzeb2008

I don't have much to say on this situation; my addict is my soon to be ex husband. But, the few times he attempted sobriety(or so I thought)there were a few changes in his actions to back up his attempt. They were always very short lived for him, unfortunately, but I was able to recognize when he started using again because his actions went back to the way they were...sneaking, lying, making up excuses to leave, unaccounted for money, etc. so, my best guess would be to watch and see if his words and actions match. I wish for the best for you!

LoveMeNow

For me, whenever I was in doubt....he was using. Recovery truly looks like recovery. The rest is just more a mind game.

I hope your son is serious and doing the hard work to stay clean.

Keeping you both in my prayers.

lizwig

I am sending thoughts your way...I know how jarring it can be running across things from the past. I recently found some "must saves" that included a poem my son had written about a man who died in a dumpster. In fact I think I posted it here. It made me so sad because although his life is different than the man he wrote about....the end result could be the same. You've done a lot of work...We all hoped our son's could pull through these things in the early days....and you know what....they could have....had THEY chosen to.

lizwig

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...mbing-out.html

Here's the poem...I see you had commented on it. You've been a great support to me while we walk this path. I am grateful for you and many others. Xoxo

Fitchicky

Right, I also fund that whenever I felt something wasn't right
, he was using. But while you in the relationship, you're made to think you're crazy, bipolar, delusional and just dramatic. I would later find out that every hunch or gut feeling was right. I let him drain my confidence with name calling and put downs. I was so strong before I met him and slowly let him invade my self esteem. I'm determined to be that strong person again. Good luck to you and put you first, as hard as it seems.