Climbing out....
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Location: Colorado
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Climbing out....
I've been sorting through some things and ran across something I wanted to share. My son is my qualifier on this site. He is an incredibly gifted artist, was always put in advance placement classes...won a state wide school district sponsored art contest in the 6th grade and among other things was always very gifted at writing. I found this in my box of "must keeps"... it was based on a newspaper article from our local paper. A man had beaten his wife, was a known gang member and was killed by police when he began shooting from the dumpster he was hiding in. My son was in the 9th grade when he wrote it.
I read about a man
Who died in a dumpster
Angry and alone
Perhaps he was born there too
Making threats
Living like a thug
Beating down the people
Who should mean the most to him
Trying to prove himself
Demanding respect
For what?
Not having the strength to live
A better life
This man who died in the dumpster
Angry and alone
Scared and small
Could have spent his life
Trying to crawl out
I really hope my son can begin crawling out and pray he can find the strength to live a better life for himself. I miss him and his creativity.
I read about a man
Who died in a dumpster
Angry and alone
Perhaps he was born there too
Making threats
Living like a thug
Beating down the people
Who should mean the most to him
Trying to prove himself
Demanding respect
For what?
Not having the strength to live
A better life
This man who died in the dumpster
Angry and alone
Scared and small
Could have spent his life
Trying to crawl out
I really hope my son can begin crawling out and pray he can find the strength to live a better life for himself. I miss him and his creativity.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
Thank you all for your responses. I'm so pleased we don't have to walk alone. I had a bit of a wobble yesterday but redirected my thinking pretty quickly and was able to enjoy the rest of my day. I think it's true that when we acknowledge our feelings we are able to move through them quicker. I appreciate all of you and have learned so much from you. I will be forever grateful.
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Giant Hug for you, Lizwig. I have had some wobbles lately, myself, and really appreciate you sharing this poem. Children are so close to the source of wisdom and love--it is a gift that you are keeping these treasures, for him and for the future knowledge of this most troubled world. I'm holding you in my heart.
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Dear Lizwig, I follow your threads and posts, I admire your strength in this nightmare of addiction. I too have a gifted child. I think back at her achievements and awards, cheerleading and all the people who said she was beautiful and wished they were her...addiction put a large pothole in her road of life. And it has made her suffer along with the rest of us. She must of had such internal pain and external expectations that she turned to drugs. She's climbing her way out of that hole now, methadone route. What makes a talented, gifted or totally normal sweet or horribly naughty children mature to become addicts? I never in my wildest dreams thought my daughter would try yet become addicted to H. I still grieve for my girl, the one I raised and was/still am proud of. I miss those days that were to be...she's still alive and will graduate from college in December. What will she tell her children (if she has any) about her fondest memories of college? I can't go there today, it just makes me sad. Sorry Lizwig for hogging your thread, it just hit a nerve in my reality of having an addicted daughter. Today I will do something creative, something to make me proud of me. We will walk this road together. TF
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I thought this an appropriate thread to share an excerpt from a speech Abraham Lincoln made in 1842 to the Springfield Washington Temperance Society, my son shared it with me earlier this year as he began working his program ....
In my judgment, such of us as have never fallen victims, have been spared more by the absence of appetite, than from any mental or moral superiority over those who have. Indeed, I believe, if we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those of any other class. There seems ever to have been a proneness in the brilliant, and warm-blooded to fall into this vice. The demon of intemperance ever seems to have delighted in sucking the blood of genius and of generosity. What one of us but can call to mind some dear relative, more promising in youth than all his fellows, who has fallen a sacrifice to his rapacity? He ever seems to have gone forth, like the Egyptian angel of death, commissioned to slay if not the first, the fairest born of every family. Shall he now be arrested in his desolating career? In that arrest, all can give aid that will; and who shall be excused that can, and will not? Far around as human breath has ever blown, he keeps our fathers, our brothers, our sons, and our friends, prostrate in the chains of moral death. To all the living every where we cry, "come sound the moral resurrection trump, that these may rise and stand up, an exceeding great army" -- "Come from the four winds, O breath! and breathe upon these slain, that they may live."
It seems to me that an inordinate number of addicts are described by their loved ones as "creative, gifted, artistic, gentle in heart and soul ... My son also is a gifted writer. I have a file of various poems, short stories and journals he has kept over the years. During rough times they have brought me strength and hope. I pray some day he will be able to use these gifts as God intended for I certainly believe that God gifted him to bring joy and beauty to those who would listen.
One need only to look at the music industry as well to see so many talented young artists cut down by addiction. Oh the evil of addiction is indeed a mystery but there are many common threads. Perhaps not always the rule but definitely something to look at as we seek answers.
In my judgment, such of us as have never fallen victims, have been spared more by the absence of appetite, than from any mental or moral superiority over those who have. Indeed, I believe, if we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those of any other class. There seems ever to have been a proneness in the brilliant, and warm-blooded to fall into this vice. The demon of intemperance ever seems to have delighted in sucking the blood of genius and of generosity. What one of us but can call to mind some dear relative, more promising in youth than all his fellows, who has fallen a sacrifice to his rapacity? He ever seems to have gone forth, like the Egyptian angel of death, commissioned to slay if not the first, the fairest born of every family. Shall he now be arrested in his desolating career? In that arrest, all can give aid that will; and who shall be excused that can, and will not? Far around as human breath has ever blown, he keeps our fathers, our brothers, our sons, and our friends, prostrate in the chains of moral death. To all the living every where we cry, "come sound the moral resurrection trump, that these may rise and stand up, an exceeding great army" -- "Come from the four winds, O breath! and breathe upon these slain, that they may live."
It seems to me that an inordinate number of addicts are described by their loved ones as "creative, gifted, artistic, gentle in heart and soul ... My son also is a gifted writer. I have a file of various poems, short stories and journals he has kept over the years. During rough times they have brought me strength and hope. I pray some day he will be able to use these gifts as God intended for I certainly believe that God gifted him to bring joy and beauty to those who would listen.
One need only to look at the music industry as well to see so many talented young artists cut down by addiction. Oh the evil of addiction is indeed a mystery but there are many common threads. Perhaps not always the rule but definitely something to look at as we seek answers.
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I think we've all asked ourselves those questions TwoFish...unforutnately there are no answers to them, at least none that make any real sense.
Okay, now that I'm through "the moment"...I will share something else I found in that box. It was a chicken scratch note that my son stuck under his door for me to "find" while he was in self-imposed exile from not getting his way about something.
The note read: "When I have kids I will let them screw up their own lives". hmmm....wonder why I put that in the box!!?
I think it's a good sign I can still see the humor in that!
Okay, now that I'm through "the moment"...I will share something else I found in that box. It was a chicken scratch note that my son stuck under his door for me to "find" while he was in self-imposed exile from not getting his way about something.
The note read: "When I have kids I will let them screw up their own lives". hmmm....wonder why I put that in the box!!?
I think it's a good sign I can still see the humor in that!
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Thank you Tink, wow....quite the read.
I have often wondered if this "sensitivity" has made my son more susceptible. It's funny because he's very athletic and charmismatic yet really compassionate and humble. In the second grade he came home from school, twice in one week, missing his hooded sweatshirt. It was cold out when I picked him up. When questioned about why he wasn't wearing his sweatshirt he told me he had given it away to another kid who "doesn't have much"...the first time I appreciated his generosity....the second time, to a different kid, I did have to talk with him. He has always wanted to give money to those in need. I caught him once giving a homeless man this overly large weird looking smile. When we had passed I asked him "What was that about, why were you doing that?" His response "sometimes all we have to give is our smile and I didn't have any money". Our family has spent countless holidays serving meals, etc. I remember him telling me once he felt we "didn't suffer enough" that our life was "too easy". Which wasn't true...but it's about perspective isn't it?
I hope someday he can harness this creativity and generosity into something that others will benefit from. He has a lot to give and I feel blessed to have witnessed these traits. I think the best is yet to come. Time will tell. Thank you again for sharing Tink.
I have often wondered if this "sensitivity" has made my son more susceptible. It's funny because he's very athletic and charmismatic yet really compassionate and humble. In the second grade he came home from school, twice in one week, missing his hooded sweatshirt. It was cold out when I picked him up. When questioned about why he wasn't wearing his sweatshirt he told me he had given it away to another kid who "doesn't have much"...the first time I appreciated his generosity....the second time, to a different kid, I did have to talk with him. He has always wanted to give money to those in need. I caught him once giving a homeless man this overly large weird looking smile. When we had passed I asked him "What was that about, why were you doing that?" His response "sometimes all we have to give is our smile and I didn't have any money". Our family has spent countless holidays serving meals, etc. I remember him telling me once he felt we "didn't suffer enough" that our life was "too easy". Which wasn't true...but it's about perspective isn't it?
I hope someday he can harness this creativity and generosity into something that others will benefit from. He has a lot to give and I feel blessed to have witnessed these traits. I think the best is yet to come. Time will tell. Thank you again for sharing Tink.
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Dear Lizwig, I think at this point of the addiction disease, it's so new to me, I find it very heartbreaking to look at photos and those sweet little letters kids write to their parents...I too have a Box full of memories of what my kids did when they were young, up til high school, seems so long ago, and they are only 19 and 22. Addiction sure robbed my family, my kids my heart. I sometimes don't even feel normal or what is normal?. My Dr. says I'm grieving over the shock addiction gives to us loved ones who love addicts. I don't want to believe it. He says I will get better, give it time. So that's what I will do. Give it some more time. TF
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Yes Pravchaw, I agree. He has always liked pushing the envelope...but in retrospect I don't think I ran along behind him telling him he was screwing up his life. The discussions regarding poor choices came much later than this...I've often wondered my part in all of this...more to ponder I suppose.
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He has always liked pushing the envelope...but in retrospect I don't think I ran along behind him telling him he was screwing up his life. The discussions regarding poor choices came much later than this...I've often wondered my part in all of this...more to ponder I suppose.
Lizwig, I never isolated the incidents with my son either when he was growing up. Always chalked up his poor choices to immaturity or boys will be boys. Like you, I ponder my part in all of this. Hang in there my friend!
Lizwig, I never isolated the incidents with my son either when he was growing up. Always chalked up his poor choices to immaturity or boys will be boys. Like you, I ponder my part in all of this. Hang in there my friend!
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