I need to vent for a second
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I need to vent for a second
Because I'm having a hard time right this second with patience which sucks because I'm usually a pretty patient person.
Single parenting blows. My kids need individual time with me so freaking bad, especially my two year old. And I HATE, LOATH, DESPISE that I have to DEMAND help from people. I've been quietly saying that I need help to no avail and now I'm about to start acting like a complete a-hole because I feel like I cannot wait one more damn second without getting help because my two year old cannot wait another second without my undivided attention and my baby cannot wait another second for my undivided attention and I haven't had any alone time for myself outside of my counseling sessions and after bedtime routine in what feels like YEARS.
I HAVE NO PEOPLE IN MY LIFE THAT KNOW WHAT EMPATHY IS!!! Arghhhhhh!!!! What I want to do is explode on my mom and my husband but I know its not going to have any positive effect. What can I do instead? What do you do when you feel like exploding? I'm here trying to simmer down but I have felt like this all week and I keep trying to stuff the desire to explode but its because both of my kids are demanding my attention and we yet again have colds and I feel so burned out. I'm majorly burned out. Ugh....
Thank you for letting me vent.
Single parenting blows. My kids need individual time with me so freaking bad, especially my two year old. And I HATE, LOATH, DESPISE that I have to DEMAND help from people. I've been quietly saying that I need help to no avail and now I'm about to start acting like a complete a-hole because I feel like I cannot wait one more damn second without getting help because my two year old cannot wait another second without my undivided attention and my baby cannot wait another second for my undivided attention and I haven't had any alone time for myself outside of my counseling sessions and after bedtime routine in what feels like YEARS.
I HAVE NO PEOPLE IN MY LIFE THAT KNOW WHAT EMPATHY IS!!! Arghhhhhh!!!! What I want to do is explode on my mom and my husband but I know its not going to have any positive effect. What can I do instead? What do you do when you feel like exploding? I'm here trying to simmer down but I have felt like this all week and I keep trying to stuff the desire to explode but its because both of my kids are demanding my attention and we yet again have colds and I feel so burned out. I'm majorly burned out. Ugh....
Thank you for letting me vent.
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I use a Mother's Day Out program through our health club when I go to counseling since I have to be offsite. But the last time I was there the woman who was on duty was kind of a jerk and complained about my two year old (DD2 kept wanting to play with baby DD and then she had a potty accident, apparently this was really rough on this woman) so now I don't really want to take them back there at all. :/
I feel extreme guilt for hiring a babysitter since I'm a stay at home mom. But I really just need some time off. Anytime my mom is here she mocks my requests for a nap. My husband says he'd like to take the girls on his own so I can clean in peace (thanks a lot...not!!!) neither are helpful and they don't want to allow me the help I want because being a stay at home mom is, and this is a real quote, "vacation everyday."
I feel extreme guilt for hiring a babysitter since I'm a stay at home mom. But I really just need some time off. Anytime my mom is here she mocks my requests for a nap. My husband says he'd like to take the girls on his own so I can clean in peace (thanks a lot...not!!!) neither are helpful and they don't want to allow me the help I want because being a stay at home mom is, and this is a real quote, "vacation everyday."
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At this point it's clear to me that both of my kids need a little one on one with me, beyond me needing a break my two year old NEEDS some undivided mom attention. And they both need some time away from mom too. Which is why I feel like being a jerk and flat out telling people how things are going to be, whether they like it or agree or not.
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20 Easy Activities for Educational Playtime With Your 2-Year-Old | Spoonful
Some of those activities looked fairly easy and simple and the first one actually struck me as one where you can sneak some time while the kiddo is looking for the "monsters"... Doesn't solve your babysitting problem but might buy you some peace?
Being a single parent is hard. Mine were older than yours, so it was easier, but it was still hard -- you always feel like there's too many of them and not enough of you. I remember saying most days I felt like I had six kids more than I could handle -- and I only had three...
Do you have really good friends you can reach out to? I know most of us have been isolated enough that we don't after living in an A marriage, but I found people I didn't even count as friends (coworkers, people I worked out with) who were happy to take one kid for ice cream or take two to a movie with them (I know movies aren't really the thing for your kids' age group, but you get the picture). Maybe you have to reach farther out than just to your mom?
Oh, and as for what I do when I feel like I'm about to explode? Honestly, I usually check my calendar to find that I'm within a week of my period. I kid you not. Everything is just ten times as overwhelming when the blasted hormones act up...
Some of those activities looked fairly easy and simple and the first one actually struck me as one where you can sneak some time while the kiddo is looking for the "monsters"... Doesn't solve your babysitting problem but might buy you some peace?
Being a single parent is hard. Mine were older than yours, so it was easier, but it was still hard -- you always feel like there's too many of them and not enough of you. I remember saying most days I felt like I had six kids more than I could handle -- and I only had three...
Do you have really good friends you can reach out to? I know most of us have been isolated enough that we don't after living in an A marriage, but I found people I didn't even count as friends (coworkers, people I worked out with) who were happy to take one kid for ice cream or take two to a movie with them (I know movies aren't really the thing for your kids' age group, but you get the picture). Maybe you have to reach farther out than just to your mom?
Oh, and as for what I do when I feel like I'm about to explode? Honestly, I usually check my calendar to find that I'm within a week of my period. I kid you not. Everything is just ten times as overwhelming when the blasted hormones act up...
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Those Monsters are super cute, lilamy!! We do a lot of activities and I subscribe to Kiwi Crate and we usually spend at least a few hours outside everyday (its raining today and has been a lot this week.) My biggest hurdle is that both of my kids are kind of needy. Baby cannot be left alone or not engaged with for a few minutes without crying and my 2 year old can go about 30 minutes of individual play until she needs attention, which is kind of run of the mill 2 year old attention span kind of stuff. If either of them would nap life would also be much easier and give me pretty much everything that I'm whining about.
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 
Stung....send those babies to me....i'll take care of them.
You need a boxing bag!!!
XXX
You need a boxing bag!!!
XXX
(((Stung)))
I truly cannot imagine going through this with children. Those that are, are amazing.
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Awe, thanks ladies. 
I really, really, really hope that I don't sound like a completely ungrateful wench because I am immensely grateful that I get to spend this time with my kids but dang, maybe its just because they're both still so little or something but this is really exhausting sometimes.
I really, really, really hope that I don't sound like a completely ungrateful wench because I am immensely grateful that I get to spend this time with my kids but dang, maybe its just because they're both still so little or something but this is really exhausting sometimes.
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Stung--it has been a long time since I had little ones, but I still remember feeling exactly as you are describing. You know--as I was reading your thread--lillamy's comments about the hormonal cycle flashed into my mind also!!! I also think that 2yr. olds are more demanding of constant attention and supervision than any other age--for all the obvious reasons. You are not the first mother to feel like pulling your hair out.
You simply NEED more time for yourself--to have some of your needs met. You are m ore than just a mommy or a cleaning machine. You are not a robot.
I don't think that your m other or your husband are seeing you as a complete person---they are seeing you as a person filling a "role" (among other things).
I hear what you are saying about the guilt--and stay-at-home-mom, etc....And I know this must feel very real to you. But, I think that you will have to start seeing yourself as a separate and distinct individual---apart from their views and attitudes toward you.
At the end of the day--what they estimate that you Need is beside the point--since they do not live inside your skin! What you need and want and feel is entirely your own territory and your responsibility to see that your needs get met. However you get this done. Whatever you need to do.
I believe that it makes sense to hire a sitter for your own private time at least one time a week--for an evening or a half-day. In addition to any other periods of time or minutes that you can squeeze in during the rest of the week. A college student who is studying child development or developmental psychology might be a good source, for example.
Anyone ho doesn't agree with you--I say "scr*w them". They can stay mad till they get glad.
Having some free time of your own will make you feel like a better m other--even though you are, anyway.
As a mother who raised three--I can promise you that this is true.
dandylion
You simply NEED more time for yourself--to have some of your needs met. You are m ore than just a mommy or a cleaning machine. You are not a robot.
I don't think that your m other or your husband are seeing you as a complete person---they are seeing you as a person filling a "role" (among other things).
I hear what you are saying about the guilt--and stay-at-home-mom, etc....And I know this must feel very real to you. But, I think that you will have to start seeing yourself as a separate and distinct individual---apart from their views and attitudes toward you.
At the end of the day--what they estimate that you Need is beside the point--since they do not live inside your skin! What you need and want and feel is entirely your own territory and your responsibility to see that your needs get met. However you get this done. Whatever you need to do.
I believe that it makes sense to hire a sitter for your own private time at least one time a week--for an evening or a half-day. In addition to any other periods of time or minutes that you can squeeze in during the rest of the week. A college student who is studying child development or developmental psychology might be a good source, for example.
Anyone ho doesn't agree with you--I say "scr*w them". They can stay mad till they get glad.
Having some free time of your own will make you feel like a better m other--even though you are, anyway.
As a mother who raised three--I can promise you that this is true.
dandylion
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What age do they need to start socialization? That might help your argument with your ah justifying a daycare program. Around here there are private preschools/nurseries that my friends have used. They are primarily for working parents, but there are several stay at home moms who use them part time.
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DD2 was going to preschool but I pulled her when things were getting really crazy with my husband. So she lost her spot. She's set to start again in the fall. That will be great for her, she's really outgoing and loves school. I'm not comfortable putting my baby in daycare if I don't have to, and I really don't want/need that big of a break, just a few hours once a week. Like 4 hours to myself every Sunday morning would be perfect...ahhhhhhh...and a few hours once a week where I only have one child so I can give them special individual attention, like swim lessons with either one would be ideal.
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I get the whole "people lacking in empathy" thing. I think they want to mean well, but they're just too caught up in their own lives to read between the lines when someone "quietly" asks for something.
I'm not suggesting you yell (unless you need too), but you may want to try speaking with very little wiggle room. Years ago I was a bill collector. We learned to not asked open ended questions. Not "Can you pay the bill", but "When are you sending the check". Maybe you can try this method when asking for help. Be very specific. "Mother dear, I'm going to explode, when can you watch the baby for an hour."
As far as the woman at the health club: Just smile and try it again. Don't assume anything. Give "Kind of a Jerk" a chance to redeem herself. Who knows, maybe she will. If not, cross that bridge at that time. Maybe you can be "Kind of a Jerk"'s little dose of weekly Karma. Tell you're two year old to act her most Terribly Twoish. Could be kind of fun, and a little stress reliever for you, to boot!
Just remember: One Day at a Time. ((( Hugs )))
I'm not suggesting you yell (unless you need too), but you may want to try speaking with very little wiggle room. Years ago I was a bill collector. We learned to not asked open ended questions. Not "Can you pay the bill", but "When are you sending the check". Maybe you can try this method when asking for help. Be very specific. "Mother dear, I'm going to explode, when can you watch the baby for an hour."
As far as the woman at the health club: Just smile and try it again. Don't assume anything. Give "Kind of a Jerk" a chance to redeem herself. Who knows, maybe she will. If not, cross that bridge at that time. Maybe you can be "Kind of a Jerk"'s little dose of weekly Karma. Tell you're two year old to act her most Terribly Twoish. Could be kind of fun, and a little stress reliever for you, to boot!
Just remember: One Day at a Time. ((( Hugs )))
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SeriousKarma, I see where you're going with that but this lady was a serious jerk. Like I had an uneasy feeling when I left them there and then she complained about my kids when I came back. My kids are normally the only two kids there when I drop them off and they're only there for about 90 minutes, and its usually a different gal watching them. This lady was mean. I'd be worried that she'd keep my two year old in a 90 minute time out if she watched them again. That woman makes my mommy alarm bells go off. I like the forward approach with my mom though, maybe I'll try that next time she's here.
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I hear you on this. I crave alone time. It seems my kids compete for my attention nonstop. I used a drop in babysitting center at one point. I knew the owners and it was clean and well run. Do you have any mom friends that would be willing to do a babysitting exchange? I also used to take my kids to the library programs for infants and toddlers. It didn't give me any alone time but at least I wasn't their only source of entertainment for an hour.
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Well…I'm pretty sure that I am the only problem here. Hubby showed up this morning and he gladly agreed to watching baby DD while I took DD2 out for some one on one mommy/daughter time. While we were gone she was asking me about dad and sissy. I asked her if she wanted to go get dad and sissy, yes, she missed them. We came home to a happy dad and baby DD. Everyone is happy besides me. Well, crap. Then it's just me and I'm projecting my crap onto my kids thinking that they need alone time because I need alone time. Like I need to justify what I need because I can only have it if someone else needs me to have needs too. :/
I think that I just need to do a better job with my own self care but I'm having the hardest time finding the initiative to give myself what I know that I need.
I think that I just need to do a better job with my own self care but I'm having the hardest time finding the initiative to give myself what I know that I need.
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Originally Posted by Stung
Awe, thanks ladies. I really, really, really hope that I don't sound like a completely ungrateful wench because I am immensely grateful that I get to spend this time with my kids but dang, maybe its just because they're both still so little or something but this is really exhausting sometimes.
I really, really, really hope that I don't sound like a completely ungrateful wench because I am immensely grateful that I get to spend this time with my kids but dang, maybe its just because they're both still so little or something but this is really exhausting sometimes.Her husband left her for another woman across the country. She has a 2 year old and a 7 year old and both are VERY needy. I wish I lived closer to her and to you, too, so I could help out. Little ones are so much work, I remember the endless days of diapers, crying, no naps, napping too much, etc etc. Hugs to you tonight!
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Thanks, Liz. I'm so sorry for your sister. 
That must be really hard.
I think I am doing some serious self sabotaging and keep looking for excuses everywhere, only I'm the real reason that I'm not happy at this point.
I have access to good child care. As of today, my husband is willing to watch the girls on the weekends, either both or at least one of them (having only one tot is infinitely easier than both at the same time), for at least a few hours every Saturday and Sunday…I'm the only one standing in my way. My husband told me today that I can head to the gym solo tomorrow morning as soon as he gets here. My response was "okay, maybe." What a dumbass I am! Then he suggested that I go get a pedicure, which really does sound amazingly relaxing but I'm really hesitant and oddly worried about treating myself. I. Don't. Understand.
That must be really hard. I think I am doing some serious self sabotaging and keep looking for excuses everywhere, only I'm the real reason that I'm not happy at this point.
I have access to good child care. As of today, my husband is willing to watch the girls on the weekends, either both or at least one of them (having only one tot is infinitely easier than both at the same time), for at least a few hours every Saturday and Sunday…I'm the only one standing in my way. My husband told me today that I can head to the gym solo tomorrow morning as soon as he gets here. My response was "okay, maybe." What a dumbass I am! Then he suggested that I go get a pedicure, which really does sound amazingly relaxing but I'm really hesitant and oddly worried about treating myself. I. Don't. Understand.
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