Waiting for something
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 186
Waiting for something
I have nearly three months and I am finding that as it becomes easier to not drink, I am starting to question my reasons for quitting.
I have been at a few social functions recently, some involving my work and my husbands work- alcohol was free and lots of celebratory drinking taking place. The events have not been totally easy for me, nor have they been a white knuckle ride- somewhere in between. However, my drinking in the past mostly took place at home- not in a social setting.
Most nights out I attend, someone expresses dismay that I am not drinking and wants assurance that I will be drinking the next time we meet. Maybe it's cultural- I live in the West of Scotland. I think this is contributing to me looking to the future and increasingly not seeing myself as a non-drinker.
At one of these events, my husband won an overnight stay for 2 at an exclusive restuarant with rooms. It is worth several hundred pounds and is in a part of the country we love. However, it includes champagne and wine tasting for each of the 6 courses. It has kind of sent me into a tail spin- should we go and I won't drink ( my husband is a heavy drinker), or should we give it to my parents as a gift to thank them for their help with child care? Will my husband be mad if he misses out and I later start drinking again.....More questions about my commitment to sobriety.
I have been goal orientated in my sobriety so far- rewarding myself with treats at monthly milestones. I have been focused to getting to 90 days which is less than a week away and I feel like I am limping towards the finish line. Think I have been waiting for something final to happen, but of course, getting sober just goes on and on and on.......
I feel as if I have worked hard to get here and don't want to undo my hard work but I dont feel well and happy enough at the moment to see sobriety as enough of a reward in itself.
I have been at a few social functions recently, some involving my work and my husbands work- alcohol was free and lots of celebratory drinking taking place. The events have not been totally easy for me, nor have they been a white knuckle ride- somewhere in between. However, my drinking in the past mostly took place at home- not in a social setting.
Most nights out I attend, someone expresses dismay that I am not drinking and wants assurance that I will be drinking the next time we meet. Maybe it's cultural- I live in the West of Scotland. I think this is contributing to me looking to the future and increasingly not seeing myself as a non-drinker.
At one of these events, my husband won an overnight stay for 2 at an exclusive restuarant with rooms. It is worth several hundred pounds and is in a part of the country we love. However, it includes champagne and wine tasting for each of the 6 courses. It has kind of sent me into a tail spin- should we go and I won't drink ( my husband is a heavy drinker), or should we give it to my parents as a gift to thank them for their help with child care? Will my husband be mad if he misses out and I later start drinking again.....More questions about my commitment to sobriety.
I have been goal orientated in my sobriety so far- rewarding myself with treats at monthly milestones. I have been focused to getting to 90 days which is less than a week away and I feel like I am limping towards the finish line. Think I have been waiting for something final to happen, but of course, getting sober just goes on and on and on.......
I feel as if I have worked hard to get here and don't want to undo my hard work but I dont feel well and happy enough at the moment to see sobriety as enough of a reward in itself.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Carlygirl 
I feel as if I have worked hard to get here and don't want to undo my hard work but I dont feel well and happy enough at the moment to see sobriety as enough of a reward in itself.
But, in the grand scheme of things, it is still early in recovery. Fully appreciating sobriety, accepting never drinking again, comes a little later...IF YOU STAY THE COURSE.
I think the gift of the overnight to your parents is great idea and the kind of things we do in recovery--doing unexpected nice things for the people in our lives.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Congrats on 90 days! 
Someone made a list once of some good reasons to not drink. Maybe you can relate?
Someone made a list once of some good reasons to not drink. Maybe you can relate?
Originally Posted by Carlygirl
Don't want my son to think drinking every night is normal.
Shame.
All energy and motivation zapped.
Hangovers.
Makes me overweight and I eat ***** when drinking, hence, further fatness.
Money.
No chance of ever achieving what I want/ learning new skills, if I keep this up.
Making a tool of myself/being rude when drunk.
Embarrassment about the weight of the glass recycling bin.
Sex drive shot to hell.
Reduced my working week to spend more time with my son, not make more way for hangovers.
Risk of alcohol related illness.
Disturbed sleep.
Wanna do this for the next 30 years??? Exhausted. Got to stop.
Shame.
All energy and motivation zapped.
Hangovers.
Makes me overweight and I eat ***** when drinking, hence, further fatness.
Money.
No chance of ever achieving what I want/ learning new skills, if I keep this up.
Making a tool of myself/being rude when drunk.
Embarrassment about the weight of the glass recycling bin.
Sex drive shot to hell.
Reduced my working week to spend more time with my son, not make more way for hangovers.
Risk of alcohol related illness.
Disturbed sleep.
Wanna do this for the next 30 years??? Exhausted. Got to stop.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Hey Carlygirl ,
for me not feeling well enough or happy enough in my sobriety means there is more work to do on my sobriety . Alcohol and drinking just causes me problems and makes the problems we all have, drinking or not more difficult to deal with .
Drinking will always be there in the world , nothing changes with it . Why not give yourself the best chance you can and stay stopped for longer ?
For me a depression i didn't know i had , it was so supple and gentle but effecting me all the time didn't disappear until after 6 months of complete abstinence .
I figured i'd done 20 years drinking i could stick with sobriety for at least 2 years and see where i got . Turns out i'm richer , healthier and happier , 2 years 7 months and no intention of ever drinking again here
Bestwishes, m
for me not feeling well enough or happy enough in my sobriety means there is more work to do on my sobriety . Alcohol and drinking just causes me problems and makes the problems we all have, drinking or not more difficult to deal with .
Drinking will always be there in the world , nothing changes with it . Why not give yourself the best chance you can and stay stopped for longer ?
For me a depression i didn't know i had , it was so supple and gentle but effecting me all the time didn't disappear until after 6 months of complete abstinence .
I figured i'd done 20 years drinking i could stick with sobriety for at least 2 years and see where i got . Turns out i'm richer , healthier and happier , 2 years 7 months and no intention of ever drinking again here
Bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
my experience has been that at about 90 days I've gotten far enough away from the last binge and resolved conviction to choose sobriety that the awful feelings of my use of alcohol brought have faded a bit. That's one reason I keep coming to the newcomer's forum daily and reading the Big Book personal stories regularly and going to AA meetings when I can.
I have to remind myself of my personal reality... all the times I tried and failed. All the awful feelings and the consequences. I have to keep those reminders active lest I make the mistake of thinking it's OK again - which I did at almost 6 months and then spent another year and a half going deeper into addiction.
My own business involves regular interaction with heavy drinking. I come face to face with anxieties and direct suggestions that perhaps my choice of sobriety will negatively impact my success. I have to remind myself that is my own addictive voice and that the people who bring it up - without fail - are problem drinkers themselves. The REALITY is that in my employment setting I will be far more successful focusing on success than worrying about or participating in drunken revelry. Sure, there may be the occasional talk about my being a teetotaler or the occasional colleague or client who is taken aback, but absolutely nobody in a real leadership position will see a sober leader on their team as a liability. That's just a nonsense fear that the alcoholic in us is trying to use as ammunition. I go to these functions and I drink pellegrino. It's fancy, it's tasty, it feels good and with a lemon in it - could just as easily be a cocktail as far as anyone knows.
I also live in a place - like West Scotland - where drinking is the national pasttime. Yes, it sucks to have to wrestle with that feeling of being "different" - but it really is mostly inside of you. And again, anyone pressuring you beyond a simple 'c'mon... you sure?' is almost certainly a problem drinker themselves. Just come up with a standard response that works for you and stick to that.
I like to use "Thank you, but I have found that I have more joy in my life without alcohol".
Simple, honest and doesn't put anyone off. A simple statement and a deft shift in topic of conversation and nearly always it's forgotten.
In fact, twice in my work setting I've been approached by people asking for help... wanting to understand how I was doing it... having a good time and being a leader and NOT being a drunk.
You may wind up being a beacon for someone who secretly and desperately wants out of the cycle just like you did....
I have to remind myself of my personal reality... all the times I tried and failed. All the awful feelings and the consequences. I have to keep those reminders active lest I make the mistake of thinking it's OK again - which I did at almost 6 months and then spent another year and a half going deeper into addiction.
My own business involves regular interaction with heavy drinking. I come face to face with anxieties and direct suggestions that perhaps my choice of sobriety will negatively impact my success. I have to remind myself that is my own addictive voice and that the people who bring it up - without fail - are problem drinkers themselves. The REALITY is that in my employment setting I will be far more successful focusing on success than worrying about or participating in drunken revelry. Sure, there may be the occasional talk about my being a teetotaler or the occasional colleague or client who is taken aback, but absolutely nobody in a real leadership position will see a sober leader on their team as a liability. That's just a nonsense fear that the alcoholic in us is trying to use as ammunition. I go to these functions and I drink pellegrino. It's fancy, it's tasty, it feels good and with a lemon in it - could just as easily be a cocktail as far as anyone knows.
I also live in a place - like West Scotland - where drinking is the national pasttime. Yes, it sucks to have to wrestle with that feeling of being "different" - but it really is mostly inside of you. And again, anyone pressuring you beyond a simple 'c'mon... you sure?' is almost certainly a problem drinker themselves. Just come up with a standard response that works for you and stick to that.
I like to use "Thank you, but I have found that I have more joy in my life without alcohol".
Simple, honest and doesn't put anyone off. A simple statement and a deft shift in topic of conversation and nearly always it's forgotten.
In fact, twice in my work setting I've been approached by people asking for help... wanting to understand how I was doing it... having a good time and being a leader and NOT being a drunk.
You may wind up being a beacon for someone who secretly and desperately wants out of the cycle just like you did....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi. I'M an alcoholic and have been around them for +35 years and have NEVER seen as a result of one of us drinking things getting better. Seeing that this disease is progressive it gets far worse often in a short time. It's mostly recommended for newcomers to stay away from ALL drinking situations. Most alcoholics resist this suggestion and often get lost in the never never land of drinking. Please remember that this is a cunning, powerful and insidious disease we have and will KO us in a flash.
BE WELL
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 45
I have nearly three months and I am finding that as it becomes easier to not drink, I am starting to question my reasons for quitting.
But sometimes I think that for people like us who have never hit rock bottom, quitting for keepsies is difficult. Your memory gets a little hazy. You start remembering the good times (probably those times in your 20s, or when you first started drinking socially) and forgetting those times that brought you to these boards and made you commit to sobriety. Perhaps you saw the gradual decline, the beginnings of an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, and now think that since it was so easy to quit and stay quit for three months, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if you started up again.
The reality for most people is that once you're on the decline, if you start drinking again, you'll hop right back on that downward escalator. You can't quit for three months and then go back to the way things were in your 20s. For most people who have had reason to find their way to these boards, it just won't work. There's plenty of evidence on these forums to support this.
Whether or not you gift the trip to your parents (which sounds like a wonderful idea), or take the trip yourself (which also sounds wonderful, if you're committed to sobriety), that's your decision to make, but I did want to give you my advice about questioning your sobriety. For most people with alcohol problems, there's no question... sobriety is the way to go. Once you stop questioning and firmly believe this is true, you can really start to enjoy your life and the many wonderful experiences it offers.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,783
Congrats on 3 months. 
Don't ruin your sober streak. Remember why you stopped drinking in the first place. Don't give yourself reason for more regret and shame. You deserve better. 
Don't ruin your sober streak. Remember why you stopped drinking in the first place. Don't give yourself reason for more regret and shame. You deserve better. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Solar is right on, in my opinion and in my experience. I have been juggling back and forth between bouts of glorious sobriety and regretful slip-ups. I did not hit "rock bottoms" and I hope I never have to, but I know the only way to ensure that is to stay sober. I have learned also, with each slip, that drinking is never, ever the same again. The fun and lack of consequences in my 20s and 30s are long gone.
Stay the course, do what you have to do. Drinking is very simply not worth it.
Stay the course, do what you have to do. Drinking is very simply not worth it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Carly. I hope you won't be discouraged for not feeling thrilled at 90 days. I was the same way - but it all changed for the better. In the early days we tend to think of it as losing something rather than gaining a whole new life. Please don't be impatient with yourself - you're doing great. I'm glad you wanted to talk about your feelings - that's what we're all here for.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Montreal, PQ
Posts: 59
Hey Carlygirl! Congrats on getting here! YEAH! 
I think it's important to remember to take it one day at a time. Even now, 7 years clean and sober, I still take each situation, each day as it comes. It is WAY easier to make the decision to stay sober with each passing day, but you can do it!
Hang in there...sending you light and hugs!
I think it's important to remember to take it one day at a time. Even now, 7 years clean and sober, I still take each situation, each day as it comes. It is WAY easier to make the decision to stay sober with each passing day, but you can do it!
Hang in there...sending you light and hugs!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi Carly
90 days can be tough - it's just long enough so we forget the really bad stuff, and a little too soon for the full benefits of sobriety to reveal themselves.
for what it's worth I've followed your story from the start - I'm willing to bet if you drink again all those things that bought to SR in the first place will happen again.
My family doesn't really understand why I stopped...but they do agree I'm better off sober. I'm sure those who love and care for you will feel the same
D
90 days can be tough - it's just long enough so we forget the really bad stuff, and a little too soon for the full benefits of sobriety to reveal themselves.
for what it's worth I've followed your story from the start - I'm willing to bet if you drink again all those things that bought to SR in the first place will happen again.
My family doesn't really understand why I stopped...but they do agree I'm better off sober. I'm sure those who love and care for you will feel the same
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 186
Tiptree- I stopped for many reasons- Nonsensical , sensibly referred me back to them. I remember the hangovers, the shame, but I had forgotten the exhaustion. The sheer weight of dragging a daily drinking habit around with me.
I don't feel fantastic, but I have freed myself from that. Need to remember that and recognise the achievement.
Thank you all for your wonderful and encouraging replies.
Carly
I don't feel fantastic, but I have freed myself from that. Need to remember that and recognise the achievement.
Thank you all for your wonderful and encouraging replies.
Carly
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