New, I don't know what to do
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 3
New, I don't know what to do
I'm a 24 year old male and I need to make a change...I just don't really know how. I'm the guy that people love to party with, tons of fun, drinks way too much blah blah etc etc. That's my social identity...I'm the "party guy". It's not fun for me anymore and I feel like I'm doing it just because that's my role in my group of friends..if that makes any sense.
I think part of me is scared that my friends won't like me if I stop? I mean, I've been able in the past to take time off from drinking...stay sober for a month or whatever...but then once I start to drink again it's like a race against the clock to blacking out. Whenever I go out, I drink to blackout. I don't remember most of the previous two days after about 9pm which is why I'm here now. I hate not knowing what I did or said or how I wound up wherever it is that I woke up. It's really starting to scare me and I want to be able to stop it altogether. I've tried getting different hobbies but it seems like drinking is always somehow incorporated into them, and a large part of my social life revolves around drinking. Am I just worried too much about social perception, I know real friends would support me and if my friends didn't then i don't want them in my life. Does anybody get where I'm coming from? What do I do?
I think part of me is scared that my friends won't like me if I stop? I mean, I've been able in the past to take time off from drinking...stay sober for a month or whatever...but then once I start to drink again it's like a race against the clock to blacking out. Whenever I go out, I drink to blackout. I don't remember most of the previous two days after about 9pm which is why I'm here now. I hate not knowing what I did or said or how I wound up wherever it is that I woke up. It's really starting to scare me and I want to be able to stop it altogether. I've tried getting different hobbies but it seems like drinking is always somehow incorporated into them, and a large part of my social life revolves around drinking. Am I just worried too much about social perception, I know real friends would support me and if my friends didn't then i don't want them in my life. Does anybody get where I'm coming from? What do I do?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Southern California
Posts: 554
I totally get where you are coming from! What you are describing pretty much sums my early twenties up exactly. I walked many miles in your shoes.
We'll the first thing that you need to do is to pat yourself on the back. You made the effort to sign up and post at SR. GOOD JOB!
Read a bunch on here and you will see many folks just like you... You will also see many folks who have been where you are and are at various stages of sobriety. The most important thing is that if you want to change your life (and it sounds like you do) you absolutely can!
If and when you decide that you want to stop, come find the "class of" thread here and read about other folks who have made the decision to quit.
We'll the first thing that you need to do is to pat yourself on the back. You made the effort to sign up and post at SR. GOOD JOB!
Read a bunch on here and you will see many folks just like you... You will also see many folks who have been where you are and are at various stages of sobriety. The most important thing is that if you want to change your life (and it sounds like you do) you absolutely can!
If and when you decide that you want to stop, come find the "class of" thread here and read about other folks who have made the decision to quit.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Becoming honest with ourselves about our drinking is of great importance. Many of us have great concerns about things that in the long run of ones life are unimportant. We find that not ruining our lives drinking are far more important than the loss of a few "friends" who are perhaps in the same sorry boat. I'd suggest reading a lot of posts here and perhaps going to some AA meetings and conversing with people face to face.
BE WELL
BE WELL
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
When I first started drinking it was fun. Then, my drinking was fun but it brought me troubles. At the very end of my drinking career, all drinking caused me was trouble.
If, you decide drinking is no fun and you decide to stop drinking, you will find out who your friends are.
If, you decide drinking is no fun and you decide to stop drinking, you will find out who your friends are.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
To become the man you are meant to be, you must be willing to give up the man you are....
There is SO much more to life than being "The Party Guy". At 24, that can be really hard to wrap our heads around. Trust me though, by 41 it's glaringly clear and 41 will arrive way faster than you ever imagined possible.
The good news is that you're conscious enough to be asking these questions at all at 24. You have a great opportunity here.
Drinking isn't woven into new hobbies - you choose to weave it. You have to start by making a clear choice; "I am going to walk a sober path in this life". From there, you begin to find that drinking isn't 'woven' into anything. Our alcoholic minds were the weavers. Anything you've done while drinking, you can do sober. And do it better.
It's scary to strike out on a path that is so different from that which we see around us being walked by our drinking friends and being depicted in the ads..... but the bottom line is this; I'll bet you had loads of fun, adventure and joy as a child without ever being drunk. Around the world, billions of people don't drink - yet they have hobbies and joy and laughter and love and fun.
Look at it differently; your choice to live life in a PURE way. Sober and clear headed and TRUE can be a beacon of goodness in this crazy-a** mixed up world. "The Sober Guy" is unique and strong and admirable. ANYONE can be "The Party Guy".
And there's really nothing more pathetic than the washed-up 50-something "Party Guy".... which is what happens to the majority of the 24-year-old "Party Guys".
There is SO much more to life than being "The Party Guy". At 24, that can be really hard to wrap our heads around. Trust me though, by 41 it's glaringly clear and 41 will arrive way faster than you ever imagined possible.
The good news is that you're conscious enough to be asking these questions at all at 24. You have a great opportunity here.
Drinking isn't woven into new hobbies - you choose to weave it. You have to start by making a clear choice; "I am going to walk a sober path in this life". From there, you begin to find that drinking isn't 'woven' into anything. Our alcoholic minds were the weavers. Anything you've done while drinking, you can do sober. And do it better.
It's scary to strike out on a path that is so different from that which we see around us being walked by our drinking friends and being depicted in the ads..... but the bottom line is this; I'll bet you had loads of fun, adventure and joy as a child without ever being drunk. Around the world, billions of people don't drink - yet they have hobbies and joy and laughter and love and fun.
Look at it differently; your choice to live life in a PURE way. Sober and clear headed and TRUE can be a beacon of goodness in this crazy-a** mixed up world. "The Sober Guy" is unique and strong and admirable. ANYONE can be "The Party Guy".
And there's really nothing more pathetic than the washed-up 50-something "Party Guy".... which is what happens to the majority of the 24-year-old "Party Guys".
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Maybe I am not as entertaining a drunk as others are. Or maybe I am getting cynical in my old age. But, since I had my last drink, I don't think any of my friends have suffered one bit. People in general, and alcoholics in particular, care how much THEY are drinking. They don't really care how much YOU drink, no matter what you may think. If you quit drinking, your alcoholic friends will likely not miss a beat.
I bet you can think of 100 reasons to stop drinking. And I bet they are all sound, rational reasons to quit. But if you put on the other end of the balance your concern that your friends will be denied your drunken company, it really isn't a close call is it?
To answer your question about whether you are too worried about social perception, just ask yourself how you would feel if your closest friend came to you and explained that they weren't drinking anymore. That it had become a problem for them. Would that end your friendship with them? My guess is that your true friends will support you, just as you would support your true friends if the situation was reversed.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
I bet you can think of 100 reasons to stop drinking. And I bet they are all sound, rational reasons to quit. But if you put on the other end of the balance your concern that your friends will be denied your drunken company, it really isn't a close call is it?
To answer your question about whether you are too worried about social perception, just ask yourself how you would feel if your closest friend came to you and explained that they weren't drinking anymore. That it had become a problem for them. Would that end your friendship with them? My guess is that your true friends will support you, just as you would support your true friends if the situation was reversed.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Yeah..no...you don't want to be that guy. It takes no skill or charisma to be a blackout drunk. But you can be the "party guy" without drinking, believe me or don't, but I do it. I'm the only one in my peer group that is always organizing the fun stuff, skydiving, helicopter rides, rock climbing, naked races. If clean and sober debauchery is not your thing, you can still organize fun things that are tamer.
I'm a lot older than you and I've had two long go rounds with alcohol and drugs, but the first time I quit I was 22 and I stayed quit for 10 years. I went through that time, partying, dating, starting my career all without booze or drugs. People still liked me, in fact many were especially intrigued by me because so many consider a fun sober girl a misnomer. The fact that I stood out because of that never scared me. I always liked being the center of attention, but I can tell you it feels infinitely better to be known as a Sober Betty than to be known as the blackout chick who can't find her clothes.
I love it that people are always surprised to learn that I'm a nondrinker. It challenges their ideas about drinking and fun, that they are not in fact mutually inclusive.
Decide the kind of man you want to be. How do you want to be known? What do you want to accomplish in life?
I'm a lot older than you and I've had two long go rounds with alcohol and drugs, but the first time I quit I was 22 and I stayed quit for 10 years. I went through that time, partying, dating, starting my career all without booze or drugs. People still liked me, in fact many were especially intrigued by me because so many consider a fun sober girl a misnomer. The fact that I stood out because of that never scared me. I always liked being the center of attention, but I can tell you it feels infinitely better to be known as a Sober Betty than to be known as the blackout chick who can't find her clothes.
I love it that people are always surprised to learn that I'm a nondrinker. It challenges their ideas about drinking and fun, that they are not in fact mutually inclusive.
Decide the kind of man you want to be. How do you want to be known? What do you want to accomplish in life?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Congratulations, Blackbeard, on having the insight and self-awareness to see the need to make a change. Being around "the party guy" gets old quickly and so does being the party guy.
Sobriety never gets old; it never lets you down; it never embarrasses you; it never ruins your health; it never ruins your relationships; it has no regrets. It is a great atmosphere for a party.
Sobriety never gets old; it never lets you down; it never embarrasses you; it never ruins your health; it never ruins your relationships; it has no regrets. It is a great atmosphere for a party.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi and welcome Blackbeard
There's some really great advice here. I was the party guy too and as the years advanced I didn't want to be, so I made some changes.
Yeah I lost some buddies, but my real friends stuck by me...and yeah my life is quieter now but it fits me like a glove - I love who I am and I love my life now...it's authentic, y'know?
Glad you found us
D
There's some really great advice here. I was the party guy too and as the years advanced I didn't want to be, so I made some changes.
Yeah I lost some buddies, but my real friends stuck by me...and yeah my life is quieter now but it fits me like a glove - I love who I am and I love my life now...it's authentic, y'know?
Glad you found us
D
A Little Wingy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 923
Hi and welcome Blackbeard.
Ohhhhhh if you knew how happy this makes me feel seeing you post here.
Congrats on wanting to change your life to a healthier, more fulfilling one.
You've been given some great advice.
You ask what to do?
What you do it take care of yourself, this is about YOU, no one else.
And just maybe some of your friends, or even one will follow you. I'm betting they may feel the same way about this.
You can always find new friends. I hope you get support where you are. SR is a great start.
Good luck with this.
Ohhhhhh if you knew how happy this makes me feel seeing you post here.
Congrats on wanting to change your life to a healthier, more fulfilling one.
You've been given some great advice.
You ask what to do?
What you do it take care of yourself, this is about YOU, no one else.
And just maybe some of your friends, or even one will follow you. I'm betting they may feel the same way about this.
You can always find new friends. I hope you get support where you are. SR is a great start.
Good luck with this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Indianapolis
Posts: 3
Hi Blackbeard,
I have that same feeling every time I quit taking pills that my friends are not going to like me anymore, I won't be as much fun etc. I think I am coming to realize now after three failed attempts (or more) of quitting that we tell ourselves that because deep down we don't really WANT to quit and we are looking for reasons to convince ourselves we don't have to. But since you are here... it is obvious that there is a big part of you that does want to quit and you should do yourself a favor and try your best to ignore the excuses you will give yourself not to. You are ready. You can do this. And I promise you, from experience, that your addiction is NOT what makes you fun and once you are far away enough from your addiction that you start feeling like yourself again (I don't have experience with alcoholism to be able to say When that will be... and I haven't got there yet with my own addiction but I am on my way) I truly believe that you will love yourself more and your genuine friends will still be around to enjoy the real you!
I have that same feeling every time I quit taking pills that my friends are not going to like me anymore, I won't be as much fun etc. I think I am coming to realize now after three failed attempts (or more) of quitting that we tell ourselves that because deep down we don't really WANT to quit and we are looking for reasons to convince ourselves we don't have to. But since you are here... it is obvious that there is a big part of you that does want to quit and you should do yourself a favor and try your best to ignore the excuses you will give yourself not to. You are ready. You can do this. And I promise you, from experience, that your addiction is NOT what makes you fun and once you are far away enough from your addiction that you start feeling like yourself again (I don't have experience with alcoholism to be able to say When that will be... and I haven't got there yet with my own addiction but I am on my way) I truly believe that you will love yourself more and your genuine friends will still be around to enjoy the real you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Fort Lauderdale
Posts: 37
I get where you are coming from. I'm 26. In my group of friends I used to have--before I gave them up in favor of full time alone drinking, go figure--I was the party girl. I felt like some people in the group I was in only wanted me there or liked me because of how much I could and did consistently drink. I had this idea that if I showed up and didn't get smashed they would be like, What exactly is the point of you? I am intimidated at the notion of developing a sober social identity. It's so *easy* to be the party person, when you're being the party person. It's the couple days after that that's hard. Haha.
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