HopefulinFLA

So RAH has encountered his third "slip" in as many weeks, each one a little worse than the previous. So my guess is maybe he's now AH again. Not really sure what he's going to do.

Trying to talk to him about anything drinking related lately is like talking to a sullen teenager. He stares at the ground, speaks as little as possible, and finds a reason to escape as soon as he can. Jerk.

I am not going to live the rest of my life paying most of the bills and supporting his drunk @ss. I'm tired of feeling anxious, sad, angry, emotionally neglected, and depressed. This is no way to live my life.

Here's where the advice part comes in. I own my house and he and I are not legally married, (I've always referred to him as my husband, because at our age boyfriend just sounds off to me). I can no longer afford to live here alone as my income has not kept up with the cost of living, which means I may need a room mate sometime in the near future. I don't know anyone who might want to rent a room, and the thought of moving a complete stranger into my house terrifies me, but I need to start thinking about what I may have to do.

Have any of you taken on a room mate? If so, how did you go about safely finding the right person.

Ugh, I just feel so down tonight.

Stung

I have no advice but I am very sorry he's walked away from sobriety. Sending you hugs.

I have no idea what professional field you're in but can you maybe do freelance work to make a little more money so you don't have to bring in a roommate? Are you crafty at all? You could make goods and sell them on Etsy for a little extra moolah. If a roommate is the way to go I'd post on my feed on Facebook, you're more likely to get someone that at least can be vouched for by someone you know.

HopefulinFLA

Thanks Stung. I like the facebook idea, hadn't thought about that. I am doing some freelance work right now, but it's so sporadic, I can't really count on it to pay the bills. I really need to start beefing up my efforts in that arena.

suki44883

I don't have any experience with roommates, but you can get a basic lease from any office supply or you can probably find some online. Be sure to ask for work history, rental history, SS#, Driver's License number and at least five personal references.

You can do an online background check fairly easily these days. That, along with your gut feelings when you interview them should give you a fairly good indication of whether or not you'd feel comfortable sharing your home with them.

Of course, the best thing would be to figure out how to make enough money (as Stung suggested) to where you don't need a roommate.

Hawkeye13

Does this mean you want to move him out, or a roomate in addition to him>


If this is his legal address, you may need to serve an eviction notice to legally make him leave if won't agree.

I don't suggest moving someone in with an active A as that is a recipe for unhappy everyone.
My alcoholic mom rented a room for years in our house and kept drinking and fighting right alongside the bewildered people who came in.
Not good.

Better check on all this and be ready

HopefulinFLA

Hawkeye - What I meant was I'll need a room mate if I ask him to leave.

I believe where I live, I'd have to serve him with a 30 day eviction notice if he won't go. I don't think getting him to leave would be a problem though. We'll see. I really hope it doesn't have to come down to that though.

readerbaby71

If you're supporting him and paying most of the bills anyway, you might as well kick him out. I agree that you should put an ad on craigslist, get references and do a credit and background check. I've found that female graduate students make great tenants. I've never had any trouble with them at all. (but you cannot specify gender in your ad according to equal opportunity housing laws). Also put the word out to family and friends who may know someone who's looking for a place to live, but ALWAYS do a background check and references. Write up a lease (even if it's month-to-month), and be specific about ground rules and expectations. It will help you avoid a lot of problems. Just make sure you use a template for a lease specific to your state.

And go with your gut. If you get a bad feeling about someone pay attention to it.

Finding a good roommate will give you peace of mind and allow you to pursue your dream of freelancing for a living. Good luck!

Seren

Perhaps there is some agency that will screen applicants for you? I know for an apartment complex, there is an application fee that goes toward paying for the screening process...

HopefulinFLA

I just want to clarify this. When he's sober, he's responsible and does contribute to the household expenses. It's when he's drinking regularly that I get stuck footing most of the bills.

Hawkeye13

HIF; it really sounds like he isn't done drinking to me.
Three "slips" in three weeks really is pretty active and will most likely increase

So, if he isn't responsible when he's drinking, sounds like you should consider asking him to move, at least until he can keep it together and stay sober six months or a year.

This might actually help him since you won't be taking up his slack if he's not earning money due to drinking. Just a thought.

HopefulinFLA

Hawkeye - That's what I'm afraid of.