Carlotta

Progress can be hard to recognize especially if our expectations are unrealistically high. If we expect our negative attitudes or unhealthy behavior to change quickly and completely, we are likely to be disappointed -- progress is hard to see when we measure ourselves against idealized standards. Perhaps it would be better to compare our present circumstances only to where we had been in the past.
For example, a Fourth Step inventory led me to realize that I hold grudges and that they hurt me. I try to let go of resentment and I despair when these attitudes persist. Fortunately, Al-Anon has taught me to focus on progress, not perfection. Although sometimes I still hold on to resentments, I know I'm making progress because I don't do it as often as I used to or for as long a time.
Today I am no longer seeking perfection; the only thing that matters is the direction in which I'm moving.

Today's Reminder

As a result of hard work in Al-Anon and a willingness to change, I am moving in a positive direction. I will celebrate my progress today. I know that the process of recovery will continue to help me grow towards a better way of living.

"Keep adding little by little and you will soon have a big hoard."

mattmathews

A few years ago at a meeting a friend of mine was talking about how of course the slogan says "progress not perfection," because anyone that believes they are perfect is maybe just a little bit crazy. My defect of character isn't that I believe I'm perfect, but that I felt I was so far from perfect that it just wasn't worth the effort to try.

I've found a better way to live in this program. My friends' comment really opened my eyes to the fact that we are all imperfect. Profoundly imperfect. Somehow, that's given me both hope and compassion.

Hope, because I believe that even though I'll never be perfect, I can make slow, incremental changes and improve myself. In a lifetime, I'll never run out of opportunities for personal growth and that's pretty exciting to me. Over the course of the past 4 years I've worked on "self-care." Simple things like going to the doctor and dentist. Harder things like taking the time to read the Al-Anon literature daily, and learning to meditate. This year I started going to a gym for the first time in 25 years! I have watched other people in the program and have thoroughly enjoyed watching them blossom. Recently, I was so heartened to have someone I love and respect tell me that I had also blossomed. I know I have, but it was nice to hear the words.

Compassion, because I can now recognize the same imperfections, flaws, faults, shame and fear in other people that I've found in myself. A couple of years ago I was reading a biography of Martin Luther King, Jr.: Bearing the Cross: Martin Luther King, Jr., and the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. MLK was both a great man (IMO), and a flawed man. The great things he accomplished were done not because he was born to greatness, instead they were done through hard work, courage and persistence and in spite of his flaws and imperfections. The afterword to that biography stuck with me:
"By idolizing those whom we honor, we do a disservice both to them and to ourselves....We fail to recognize that we could go and do likewise."--Charles V. Willie
I guess I'm saying that for me to see that a worthy man's flaws don't detract from what he accomplished, in the same way I can see that my flaws don't make me unworthy. That's progress.