New to the site and seeking help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 5
New to the site and seeking help
Okay, so my name's Jonathan, and I'm an alcoholic. This is where you all say "Hi Jonathan", like in AA yeah? Well, I've never been to an AA meeting, and to be quite honest, I'm not sure I want to. I'm not a religious person, and I've heard that there is a very strong focus on "God" at those meetings. I'm a firm believer in science/psychology and self-help, not help from a deity I don't believe exists. But I digress.
I've just turned 22, which means that I've been an alcoholic for about 3 years now. It started off slow, after a serious break-up, and gradually got worse for various different reasons. I am now drinking up to 30 units per day (cheap wine mostly), and my body is really starting to feel the effects of it. I only really drink at night time (from about 8pm onwards) until I pass out at around 2 in the morning. This is basically my daily routine. The next day is just another 8-10 hours of recovery before I hit the booze again... I feel lightheaded and sick, with really bad stabbing pains in my stomach, and I can't really focus on anything.
I tried getting help about 6 months ago with a local charity called FASA, but didn't feel as though they were helping me. There was no 'uniqueness' to the service they provided... my counselor was basically just following a book of rules instead of actually helping me as an individual. He kept focusing on cutting down the drinking; but I found that impossible. All alcoholics know that the first drink leads to another, and then another. I drink to get drunk, not to get tipsy or even have a good time. So when I got a job, I stopped going to the sessions. I lost my job about 3 months ago due to attendance issues (because of the drinking), and so the cycle continues.
I don't really know what to do at this point. Alcoholism runs in my family; my uncle died 2 years ago due to alcohol, and 4 other members of my family are alcoholics. My body is in so much pain all the time, and I just want to get back to the healthy 19 year old I was before alcohol took over my life.
I have never been this honest about my addiction with anyone before, so please just be blunt with me in your advice. I appreciate it. Thanks
I've just turned 22, which means that I've been an alcoholic for about 3 years now. It started off slow, after a serious break-up, and gradually got worse for various different reasons. I am now drinking up to 30 units per day (cheap wine mostly), and my body is really starting to feel the effects of it. I only really drink at night time (from about 8pm onwards) until I pass out at around 2 in the morning. This is basically my daily routine. The next day is just another 8-10 hours of recovery before I hit the booze again... I feel lightheaded and sick, with really bad stabbing pains in my stomach, and I can't really focus on anything.
I tried getting help about 6 months ago with a local charity called FASA, but didn't feel as though they were helping me. There was no 'uniqueness' to the service they provided... my counselor was basically just following a book of rules instead of actually helping me as an individual. He kept focusing on cutting down the drinking; but I found that impossible. All alcoholics know that the first drink leads to another, and then another. I drink to get drunk, not to get tipsy or even have a good time. So when I got a job, I stopped going to the sessions. I lost my job about 3 months ago due to attendance issues (because of the drinking), and so the cycle continues.
I don't really know what to do at this point. Alcoholism runs in my family; my uncle died 2 years ago due to alcohol, and 4 other members of my family are alcoholics. My body is in so much pain all the time, and I just want to get back to the healthy 19 year old I was before alcohol took over my life.
I have never been this honest about my addiction with anyone before, so please just be blunt with me in your advice. I appreciate it. Thanks
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey Jonathan (I just following your prophesy ) Welcome to the Forum!! 
Your story reads like mine, drinking to get drunk, only in the evenings, passing out at bedtime, progressively getting worse until having to reach out for help.
So first thing, 30 units/day is alot, that's close to a bottle of spirits or 15 beers a day, before trying to just stop, getting checked out by a Dr to do things safely is a good idea. Also to work out the health issues that seem to have appeared to get some treatment.
Secondly you might be interested to know I've never attended an AA meeting, and have been Sober for a while now, there are other ways, but the main principles are support and accountability, whichever way it's provided I don't think it's important as long as it keeps you Sober.
Though you'll find loads of support and advice here on SR!!
) Welcome to the Forum!! Your story reads like mine, drinking to get drunk, only in the evenings, passing out at bedtime, progressively getting worse until having to reach out for help.
So first thing, 30 units/day is alot, that's close to a bottle of spirits or 15 beers a day, before trying to just stop, getting checked out by a Dr to do things safely is a good idea. Also to work out the health issues that seem to have appeared to get some treatment.
Secondly you might be interested to know I've never attended an AA meeting, and have been Sober for a while now, there are other ways, but the main principles are support and accountability, whichever way it's provided I don't think it's important as long as it keeps you Sober.
Though you'll find loads of support and advice here on SR!!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to the SR family. You'll find a lot of support here. I agree with seeing your doctor to help you detox safely. With the amount you drink your withdrawals could be severe. Be safe. 
You'll find a lot of support here. I agree with seeing your doctor to help you detox safely. With the amount you drink your withdrawals could be severe. Be safe. Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Hi Jonathan welcome to SR!
Yeah I can't moderate my drinking either. I don't think in terms of one drink, my goal was to get drunk and stay that way.
Okay this is just my opinion and what worked for me.
At the end of my drinking when I was ready to get sober I was willing to do anything to stay sober. I went to daytox, counselling, SMART and even went back to AA. I tried to find the positives in every program instead of the negatives. Think about what you would be willing to do for the booze. You have to be willing to do it to stay sober even if it is outside your comfort zone. I actually incorporate 3 programs into my life, not just one.
You will find lots of different methods on this site and the important thing in my honest opinion is that we have to have an open mind and to remember that we do not have to do this alone.
Yeah I can't moderate my drinking either. I don't think in terms of one drink, my goal was to get drunk and stay that way.
Okay this is just my opinion and what worked for me.
At the end of my drinking when I was ready to get sober I was willing to do anything to stay sober. I went to daytox, counselling, SMART and even went back to AA. I tried to find the positives in every program instead of the negatives. Think about what you would be willing to do for the booze. You have to be willing to do it to stay sober even if it is outside your comfort zone. I actually incorporate 3 programs into my life, not just one.
You will find lots of different methods on this site and the important thing in my honest opinion is that we have to have an open mind and to remember that we do not have to do this alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by purpleknight 
So first thing, 30 units/day is alot, that's close to a bottle of spirits or 15 beers a day, before trying to just stop, getting checked out by a Dr to do things safely is a good idea. Also to work out the health issues that seem to have appeared to get some treatment.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Originally Posted by elben123
Normally what I do is buy the box of cheap wine from the local supermarket, which contains 22.5 units of alcohol. Recently though, I've found that it doesn't get me drunk enough (how pathetic), so I'll buy an additional bottle of wine or cider. It's scary, because my tolerance has increased so rapidly that I get uncomfortable just buying the box of wine, which would have completely wiped me out about a year ago.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Yeah it's a progressive thing, I used to have 2 pints of beer on a night out when I first started drinking and could have no more, that was my fill, fast forward 4 years, I no longer drank out anywhere, I stayed at home and was polishing off a half bottle of spirits a night!!
It's a spiral, the more you drink, the more you have to drink to get the same effect, so much so that a "back up" bottle of something just incase was always needed, I've been there!!
At 22 with only 3yrs of drinking, your still young enough that most of the damage done probably can be reversed, but don't look back in 5yrs time thinking you should have got things sorted when you knew you needed to 5 years earlier!!
It's a spiral, the more you drink, the more you have to drink to get the same effect, so much so that a "back up" bottle of something just incase was always needed, I've been there!!
At 22 with only 3yrs of drinking, your still young enough that most of the damage done probably can be reversed, but don't look back in 5yrs time thinking you should have got things sorted when you knew you needed to 5 years earlier!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 5
So what do you suggest I do? I saw the doctor about it nearly a year ago, and all she did was refer me to the 'community addictions team' and prescribe some stomach medication to ease the pain. Doctors can be very patronising, so I'm reluctant to book another appointment.
As I said before, I don't really want to go to AA, because I'm a very strong Atheist, and don't want to be bombarded with all of the religious stuff. There's a group at the end of my street ironically, but I live in a very conservative town, so most of the members are likely to be Christians. I want psychological/physiological help, not any of that crap (no offence to anyone).
As I said before, I don't really want to go to AA, because I'm a very strong Atheist, and don't want to be bombarded with all of the religious stuff. There's a group at the end of my street ironically, but I live in a very conservative town, so most of the members are likely to be Christians. I want psychological/physiological help, not any of that crap (no offence to anyone).
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Another trip to the Dr is probably your best bet, a year is a long time, you gotta get that stomach checked out again, things could be a lot more serious 1 year on, pain is the bodys way of saying something is wrong and probably needs some treatment.
The Dr. could also probably refer you to some local community groups, non religious based!
After that there are secular/non AA groups available, though I see your in N.Ireland so things are probably quite limited, but SMART (secular/science based) is in the UK:
SMART Recovery - SMART Recovery UK
Also:
http://addictionni.com/
The Dr. could also probably refer you to some local community groups, non religious based!
After that there are secular/non AA groups available, though I see your in N.Ireland so things are probably quite limited, but SMART (secular/science based) is in the UK:
SMART Recovery - SMART Recovery UK
Also:
http://addictionni.com/
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by elben123
As I said before, I don't really want to go to AA, because I'm a very strong Atheist, and don't want to be bombarded with all of the religious stuff. There's a group at the end of my street ironically, but I live in a very conservative town, so most of the members are likely to be Christians. I want psychological/physiological help, not any of that crap (no offence to anyone).
I am not big on religion either, I go to be around other alcoholics and just to listen. I am not trying to make you go, everyone has to find what works for them. I just take what I need from the meetings and leave the rest.
You just need to find what works for you. How about finding another counsellor? sometimes you have to talk to a few before you find someone you can click with.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
LifeRing is another secular group - they have some meetings in Eire - not sure about N.Ireland. They do have online meetings tho
LifeRing UK | The LifeRing Home Page
LifeRing UK | The LifeRing Home Page
.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by LadyinBC
No offense taken. I have never found any AA meeting to be religious. Do some people talk about their higher power or god? Yes. Maybe it is a regional thing.
I am not big on religion either, I go to be around other alcoholics and just to listen. I am not trying to make you go, everyone has to find what works for them. I just take what I need from the meetings and leave the rest.
You just need to find what works for you. How about finding another counsellor? sometimes you have to talk to a few before you find someone you can click with.
I am not big on religion either, I go to be around other alcoholics and just to listen. I am not trying to make you go, everyone has to find what works for them. I just take what I need from the meetings and leave the rest.
You just need to find what works for you. How about finding another counsellor? sometimes you have to talk to a few before you find someone you can click with.
I've given up on FASA to be honest. I've given up on most things actually. Maybe I should see the doctor again, but I already know what the outcome will be... another box of pills and a piece of paper referring me to a local addictions team. Doctors look at you with such contempt these days... I feel like I'm wasting their time with my silly addiction. I get the impression that they think I can just quit whenever I want to, but we all know it's not as simple as that. I get so frustrated.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by elben123
I've given up on most things actually.
You are giving up before even starting anything. Yes I have seen the website and yes I have gone to meetings. You haven't even tried the meetings yet, however, you have already decided in your mind that this won't work. Maybe it won't work, however you don't know that you haven't even tried it. Believe me I fixated on it too. I fixated on being told I was powerless and the whole higher power thing. There is more to AA than just those things.
Ask yourself this though: Would you go to these meetings if this was the only way you could get your booze? I know I would have. All the things I had to do to stay sober it took me out of my comfort zone. It's hard and it is scary, but how can I discount something if I don't at least try it once and with an open mind?
If these people make you think that you are wasting their time then keep going to different people until you find someone who will listen to you. There are people out there who will "hear" you.
I feel your frustration I really do. Just don't give up. I feel sad that you are and that is just how I am reading your posts.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,574
Hi Jonathan! It's great to have you with us.
At 23 you are already seeking a solution and wanting to change your life. I think that's amazing - I wish I had. I kept trying to manage it on my own & failed every time. I ended up a middle aged person drinking round the clock - all because I didn't respect the warning signs. I'm glad you are here - I hope you find a plan that will work for you.
At 23 you are already seeking a solution and wanting to change your life. I think that's amazing - I wish I had. I kept trying to manage it on my own & failed every time. I ended up a middle aged person drinking round the clock - all because I didn't respect the warning signs. I'm glad you are here - I hope you find a plan that will work for you.
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
Welcome to SR.
AA has a lot of meetings in Northern Ireland,it is not a religious programme,please don't dismiss it without giving it a try.You can go and sit in at meetings,no need to say a word if you don't want to.
You would meet people your age similar to you.
Please don't do what I did,which is decide AA wasn't for me but didn't go to any meetings,I carried on drinking for years and it almost killed me.
You can call the local helpline and talk it over with someone,a sober Alcoholic.
The Belfast number is 028 9043 4848.The line is manned from 9am-m.
AA has a lot of meetings in Northern Ireland,it is not a religious programme,please don't dismiss it without giving it a try.You can go and sit in at meetings,no need to say a word if you don't want to.
You would meet people your age similar to you.
Please don't do what I did,which is decide AA wasn't for me but didn't go to any meetings,I carried on drinking for years and it almost killed me.
You can call the local helpline and talk it over with someone,a sober Alcoholic.
The Belfast number is 028 9043 4848.The line is manned from 9am-m.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Hi Jonathan -- congratulations on finding SR and seeking help to stop your drinking!
The biggest step is to stop drinking. There has to be a Day 1 -- the first day without a drink. You don't say if you've been through withdrawals before -- withdrawal can be a serious medical issue, so I advise you to consult a dr beforehand, who may recommend supervised detox. But if you refuse to involve a dr, definitely have a friend handy you can call who can help you get to an emergency room.
After the worst of the detox, you'll probably need ongoing support -- most of us get it somehow. I'm also an atheist but I do go to AA, and AA has helped me considerably to quit drinking. I understand your concerns about the religious aspect -- NYC AA is incredibly secular, but that's not true everywhere. I do suggest you try it out. Having other alcoholics to talk to in early recovery is incredibly helpful. I also get individual help.
Maybe most important, post here! SR has been the bedrock of my recovery. There are many people here who understand your story and have been just where you are now. Good luck!
The biggest step is to stop drinking. There has to be a Day 1 -- the first day without a drink. You don't say if you've been through withdrawals before -- withdrawal can be a serious medical issue, so I advise you to consult a dr beforehand, who may recommend supervised detox. But if you refuse to involve a dr, definitely have a friend handy you can call who can help you get to an emergency room.
After the worst of the detox, you'll probably need ongoing support -- most of us get it somehow. I'm also an atheist but I do go to AA, and AA has helped me considerably to quit drinking. I understand your concerns about the religious aspect -- NYC AA is incredibly secular, but that's not true everywhere. I do suggest you try it out. Having other alcoholics to talk to in early recovery is incredibly helpful. I also get individual help.
Maybe most important, post here! SR has been the bedrock of my recovery. There are many people here who understand your story and have been just where you are now. Good luck!
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