graceandbeauty0

So the last time I talked to my exabf was last week on my birthday. He has called me at 1am to wish me happy birthday. We ended up talking no the phone for an hour and a half. I think the hardest part of our conversations is they're pretty much we're not broken up. They are light hearted, fun, we laugh, and we talk about what's going on our daily lives and how we're progressing with our lives.

I'm happy that my ex is doing well. He is still sober and will be sober for 10 months this coming March 7. All his goals are finally coming true slowly but surely. He was offered a manager position at his sober living house which means he gets free rent, free insurance, and they are willing to pay for schooling when he gets back. He also finally got approved to take his state boards for his nursing assistant degree, which he has been waiting for for months because of his criminal record that he had. And I'm proud of him, but it also brings all this pain in my heart. It makes me feel so ****** and pretty much like I wasn't good enough to finally join the joys of his life. He's finally clean and sober after 6 years of watching him go through 9 rehabs and jail time and multiple multiple relapses, and when things are finally so good between us, he just breaks up with me like I'm nothing.

I don't understand it what's so ever. People say it's because he wasn't ready for the commitment, because we were going to move in together, and we even finally talked about getting engaged in a few years after he has more clean time. I know this is suppose to be my gift out and i'm suppose to appreciate the chance of a life without an alcoholic in my life, but honestly, I am zoo devastated. I have tried to be strong and just let him go and just pray that God takes care of him and me and just gives us both happy lives, even if they are not together.

I feel like he woke up one day and just said okay i'm living the good life now and I don't want a gf anymore so i'm gonna dump her. I feel so broken inside. I wanted all these good things to happen to him but I wanted to be a part of it, and honestly I felt like everything was finally working out. Literally up to the day before he broke up with me, we were talking about how excited we were to finally be in the same state again after being apart for the last 7 months. I just feel like it's just so unfair.

spiderqueen

I'm sorry you're hurting, grace.

I don't know him, but it's possible that it is taking every living fiber of your XA's being to hang on to sobriety right now, and get his life back on track. Which it sounds like he has made real progress doing. Your casual, fun and friendly conversations may be all he can manage. With his history, and all the challenges he faces, he may have realized that he would not have the energy or capacity for a full-time, mature relationship, which requires looking out for someones else's needs, as well as one's own.

Recovery is necessarily very selfish, and I think he has his hands full.

I hope you can find a way to release your disappointments and grieve the loss and move on. It may just be too difficult to be in contact right now?

graceandbeauty0

Thank you spider. It really is hard to just believe that it's really over. I want to talk to him, but I know it hurts to much right now. =/

Brolynbub

I'm so sorry you're hurting...totally different circumstances for me, but I feel the same at the moment. Everything is raw..I'm hoping it doesn't last too long. Big hugs to you x