JadeSatellite

I keep stopping, then starting.... stopping, then starting again. (Not due to my drinking...) I've lost my apartment because my job didn't schedule enough hours during the holiday season. My partner and I had to move into our respective parents' homes. We live so far away now, and we see each other once a week. I finally got a job - Chipotle, paying basically minimum wage.

I used to make so much money and now I have to jump through hoops to get minimum wage and MAYBE 30 hours. I started drinking when I was unhappy with my jobs... it's only gotten worse when I see how futile it is to try and make a living. It's ******* useless.

I bought a bottle last night. I still have it - I only had a few shots out of it. But it is still there, staring at me. I should pour it down the drain or give it to someone who wants it who can handle it. But I won't. I need it for after work, when I realize that I have been reduced to this - frying chips for 4 hours at a Chipotle for minimum wage. When I was 19 I made more than I do now. It's ******* unfair. And so I drink now because what else is there?

doggonecarl

Sorry you continue to struggle, Jade.

I don't know how many times you can keep on this cycle of addiction. Myself, I'm not sure I have another recovery left in me. So this is the one I am putting 200% effort into.

Regarding your situation, I don't know what more to add that hasn't already been put into your previous posts by SR members who care about you. How many suggestions have you taken to heart and implemented?

It has been said before but bears repeating. Drinking won't help your situation. It may numb you to it, make it seem bareable. But it won't lift you out of it.

Ghostlight1

Well, there is sobriety. I did menial jobs when I was a drunk, too. Nevevr cared to advance myself or go to school. I worked for beer money.
Have you thought of quiting? A whole new world may open up to you. It did for me once I got sober.
And no one ever said life is fair. I've been through hard times drunk and sober. Now I can deal with what seems unfair with ease. Things that used to baffle me are now manageable.
Best to you and I hope things improve for you.

JadeSatellite

I guess sometimes it hurts so much I want to get drunk and pass out. Literally. So I don't have to think about it. Work - drink - pass out. But I HATE this. I wish I had something to be sober for.

sunshinescooby

so sorry Jade.. Try to keep hanging in there..

JadeSatellite

You know, I'm such an *******. I have a LOT to be sober for - my partner, myself, my pets, my job, my dreams, my goals. It's just that ... when it gets a little too hard I always run to the bottle to stop thinking about it. And that's my problem - I run away from my issues. I need to find better ways to cope.

Raider

Oh Honey. Prayers to you. I know it must be so hard. I wish I had some great advice but I don't. I only know you would feel better if you were sober. Loves.

least

You do. You have yourself, your life, your loved ones who care about you. Please put the bottle down. Dump it out and don't get anymore. It will not help you, it will only make things worse.

Nonsensical

Yup. Plus you get the added benefit of not dealing with the alcohol-induced anxiety. (Alcohol INCREASES stress.) Once I found alternate ways to cope, I also found I didn't have nearly as much to cope with!

Your going got tough. Time to get going! You can do this.

matt4x4

How many times can I do this? Until you are dead or a in a wheelchair for life eating through a tube, or better yet in a federal bed and breakfast with a fancy uniform.

And so I drink now because what else is there? There is a way out. Have you tried Alcoholics Anonymous? Your ego is very high right now, comparing, isolating, day dreaming. Its not good one bit. The bottle game will not help the situation. Maybe you should try some "controlled drinking", maybe you arent done yet or maybe you are fed up, sick and tired of being sick and tired, maybe you have hit an all-time low. Maybe not. The 12 step program works, if you follow it out of the big book, word per word. More then a 75% chance of recovering from this deadly disease. Its our choice what we choose to do.
A) Go on to the bitter end, drinking and die'ing an alcoholic death. Sucking on a bottle like a baby soother.
OR
B) Work a program of action to become free from the bottle, free from the old way of thinking and our old actions.

Carlotta

Dump the booze and start a sober journey. Drinking and wallowing in self pity will not help you get a better job and will not help you feel better either (alcohol is a depressant).
Poverty is not an excuse for drinking. Many people are sober yet struggling financially (I am one of those) and many people have horrible minimum wage jobs yet do not drink. You drink because you are an alcoholic, the job is just an excuse.
Not to be mean, but it seems you always post here when you are drinking and moaning about what a rough deal life has dealt you. I never saw your post on a recovery positive thread or at the 24 hours club.
Do you go to a face to face support group? Do you meditate? Do you exercise? Volunteer in your community? Are you part of the movement to raise the minimum wage to 15$ an hour? (lots of good organizing there and it s better to be an agent of change than a victim of circumstances).
What do you do for your recovery?
If nothing changes, nothing changes.

ScottFromWI

So you know what the problem is, now the key is working towards a solution. Make a list of some of the ways that you could better cope with your problems. I have a few ideas to get you started.

1. Start attending some kind of recovery meetings ( Life Ring, AA, Smart, etc. ). That will help you see that you are not alone and that many, many people deal with the same problem you have. You will also meet people who have overcome drinking and can teach you how they did it.

2. See a counselor: Just about every city or municipality has a drug/alcohol treatment program with counseling or at least information that is free or low cost. If you have health insurance you could also see a private therapist or counselor.

3. Spend a lot of time here on SR - there are many people who use it as their primary recovery method - me being one of them. You can learn a lot from those still struggling like yourself, and those who have achieved sobriety.

4. Fill in your ideas from here on down.

Bottom line, you know what the problems is and it's not going to get better until you fix it. Drinking will not help you. Self pity and self loathing will not either. Taking action will...I hope you can find the strength to do so.