michael4422

My last month:

Just some ramblings.

I realized that I sometime need to get fired up and say to myself, "I'm not f-ing drinking tonight!". But then I eventually drank.

I realized that when I give up the futility of trying to control my drinking I feel more free. I feel relief. I can either get wasted or just stay sober, but no more of this trying to control it. But then I drank again after a few days.

I realized I cannot drink without trying to control it. I can't drink the way I want, with complete abandon, because the consequences would be devastating.

So no I realize that I don't have a stopping problem, I have a not starting problem. I think need to avoid triggers like the plague. That's where I'm at.

Can anyone relate?

Longpasttime

I can relate for sure! And you have the funniest avatar pic i have ever seen, btw.

michael4422

Thanks! Gary Busey. I'm not even a fan. It's just a nutty pic!

least

I hope our support can help you stop drinking for good. Nothing good can come from drinking.

Raider

Welcome!

sunshinescooby

were it so easy that we could just not start.. every day..

Notimetoloose

Same, check out RR and or AVRT, they help by teaching us about our AV (addictive voice) and shutting that AV down quickly...Also helps in confirming drinking is not an option.

Dee74

Hi Michael

I think I get what you're saying - it took me many years to accept that it's the first drink that starts the merry go round.

As for triggers, I used alcohol so much that it got to the point where everything was a trigger.

You just have to learn to be ok with feeling uncomfortable for a while I think.

You're not alone tho - and there are some really useful tops here, especially urge surfing

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

D

tomsteve

yes, I can relate.
however, for me, everything was a trigger, so I couldn't avoid everything. what I had to do is learn how to handle life on lifes terms.

Hevyn

I'm glad you haven't given up michael - and that you're willing to keep trying to lead a better life. We know you can do it.

Aellyce

Hi Michael,

I relate, too. For me definitely not everything is triggering, I think because I drank in very specific situations (limited my life to those spec situations during my worst times). But this is also why it's proven difficult for me to try to avoid triggers: I was a solo drinker in my home during the times when my addiction had really become a problem. Can avoid some of the (really not too healthy and balanced) solo activities that I used to do alone, cannot avoid being at home obviously and over the years the "home" environment has become triggering... So I try to get out more these days or if I am home, try to fill it with productive activities that I enjoy or are necessary to do. Really not always easy vs the cravings... What I've found most helpful from the AVRT-like bunch of methods is what Dee mentioned, "urge surfing". Another site about it:
Urge Surfing – Relapse Prevention – Mindfulness

And I try to meditate every day at home, that also helps me although not easy.

bigsombrero

Same here. I think that as alcoholics, we're always looking for the easy way out. Quitting is hard...and we don't think that's fair. We spend days, weeks, YEARS trying to come up with a "system" that agrees with us and makes us feel comfortable. A way to ease into the water so we don't feel the shock of the cold all at once. I tried that too. Didn't work. I didn't get sober until I went to a treatment center where they made me turn in my cell phone, keys, and wallet and locked me in for 20+ days.

I think what tomsteve is trying to say here is that for SOME OF US, there isn't a way to feel comfortable when quitting alcohol. I agree with that. You just have to DO IT. Until then, you're just playing a game where the house always wins.

Welcome to the forum and good luck figuring this out! We're all pulling for you and hopefully you'll find some help here.

Mek2

Love the avatar Michael! Best of luck!

Longpasttime

I really agree with what is being said about triggers. Avoiding them, especially at first, is a fine idea, but in the end IMO, the true recovery is when the triggers don't matter. They will always be there and living in fear of them rather than facing them head on and saying you won't make me drink is not what i consider winning the battle (for me). I have a friend who was a raging alcoholic and has been in recovery for a long time. She came to see me play the other night, had people at her table drinking etc. She was not fighting the urge one bit, she was doing an activity she wanted to do and the presence of alcohol and what others were doing did not matter to her one bit. That is what i aspire to. Again, she has been sober for a loong while so please understand that i am sharing what I see as my path and goal and not giving advice about anyone else.