FourSeasons

When I initially stopped drinking on August 20, 2013, I privately (in my mind) set the goal of stopping for only 90 days.

Why only 90 days??

I read somewhere, maybe here on SR, that the ease to which someone can stop drinking for 90 days may indicate whether or not they are an alcoholic. My understanding, in a nutshell is: If one has a relative easy time in not drinking for 90 days, then perhaps one is not an alcoholic but more of a “problem drinker”. However, if one white-knuckled it through the first 90 days, then perhaps one is an alcoholic.

Since I never really tried to stop before (and, by that I mean giving it a sincere try) I thought the a 90 day abstinence trial was fair.

So… when I initially set out to stop drinking on August 20, 2013, I always had the 90 day mark in my mind. Once I got to the three month mark (November 20th), I did not feel like drinking at all. It wasn't until Christmas Eve that I gave myself “permission” to drink.

The holidays have always been my number one excuse to drink. My justification was that since I surpassed the 90 Day Abstinence Trial, then it was ok to drink during the horrid Holiday Season.

Shortly thereafter, I had an expected and scheduled surgery. This too presented itself as a wonderful excuse to drink.

Firstly, Surgery = Scary so why not drink prior to the surgery to reduce scariness; and 2) Recovery = Pain so why not drink after the surgery to reduce pain.

I have about one more week in which I can get away with using this “recovery” excuse. So, my latest thought process is that I should just take take advantage of the down time and drink. And that is because once I am 100% recovered, then I am not going to drink.

--

These are all excuses. Yet, to me, they are extremely persuasive excuses. And, my drinking is slowly progressing. I never want to go back to living in AlcoHELL.

--

So, bottom line, today is my new Day One. I have also committed to adding this date to my signature line. Seeing the date will hold me accountable.

However, I am not going to say that I will never, ever drink again. I am stating that I will not drink for the next 90 days and then reassess. The reason for the 90 day caveat is this: One day at a time approach does not work for me. My excuse to this is that there is always tomorrow so why not commit then. And, a forever and ever approach is too long with a lot of unknown variables. I cannot commit to that either).

--

My final thought: The most interesting reflection that I have gleaned from this relapse is this: My body is screaming, “More”. My mind is screaming, “WTF!!! Why???”

--

My question: What are/were your excuses?" Surely, I am not the only one...

Dee74

My whole life was an excuse to drink by the end.

I'm more interested in this statement:

if this is true (I think you're right btw), and you know that 90 days is not always a foolproof measure of alcoholism, then why are you only committing for 90 days?

is it fear 4S?

D

FourSeasons

Hi Dee!!! Yes. Yes it is. Also, I wanted to give you a shout-out in this thread but couldn't work it in. You recently commented on another post who wanted to experiment with moderation. I believe your comment was along the following line:

"I clung to those nights in which I drank moderately."

Since Christmas Eve, I have had a few very good nights whereby I only had one-two glasses of wine and called it a night. I am clinging to those memories!

You are a prophet. Thank-you so much for all you contribute here on SR!!!

Dee74

Thanks for the kind words

I think everyones scared FourSeasons - changing a life is a really momentous thing.
That's why some of us come at the task one day at a time.

I believe the ODAAT approach means we accept that all we can do is live our life today.

It means we commit to not drinking today.

The thing is, I believe we all need to commit everyday - whether we're doing the ODAAT approach or the forever approach.

Either works.

But a situation where we commit today...and we'll see how we feel tomorrow...or a situation where we posit 90 days and then see how we feel....

that leaves an out...our addiction *loves* clauses and fine print....

Sad to say when I gave myself an out, I always took the out.

Think about it over the next 90 days.

I hope you decide that you're on the right road now - and I hope you see there's absolutely nothing to be scared of in forever FS

D

FourSeasons

Thank-you, Dee.

SoberLeigh

Ditto FS.. I think you are amazing, Dee.

maz222

Fourseasons

thank's for your thread i found it very intresting...it made me stop and think i use the j.f.t thought process less and less now but i still use it and it it worked at the weekend when i was going through a though time...90 days i could not do i recently had a relaspe after 7 months sober and was bk to were i started....i am starting to lose track of my s.d it doesn't play on my mind as much it's 5 wks today

Thanks again good luck whatever you do