Can you stay sober without AA meetings?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 316
Can you stay sober without AA meetings?
I don't know about any of you but I always feel so much shame going to meetings. I feel defiant afterwards. Like these people aren't me! I can drink fine. It actually is so personal that I can't handle it. Is this normal? People who know you won't completely keep it to themselves. It's such a personal thing. Support is fine but it almost seems invasive. It touches me to the core and I want to run for the hills...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I've been Sober since Novemeber without attending any face to face meetings, so it can be done.
Though it's one thing asking can it be done? and will it work for you? . . . we all need the right level of support to keep us Sober, and that varies from person to person.
Though it's one thing asking can it be done? and will it work for you? . . . we all need the right level of support to keep us Sober, and that varies from person to person.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Totally normal. But to me that support and facing up to the things I needed help with has been a life changer. I wouldn't trade that in for a less invasive option...
That said AA doesn't have to be your option. There are others like SMART recovery or Rational Recovery which might suit you better. Alot of people just use SR for their support and with it being anonymous and online it can be much easier to be honest. I found that anyway.
Don't give up on something just because it is difficult x
That said AA doesn't have to be your option. There are others like SMART recovery or Rational Recovery which might suit you better. Alot of people just use SR for their support and with it being anonymous and online it can be much easier to be honest. I found that anyway.
Don't give up on something just because it is difficult x
A Little Wingy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 923
I tried meetings before, but found it wasn't meant for me. I found I cried to much, and took others pain into myself.
The program I use today, is working. I'm happy with that. What works for one, doesn't always work for another.
Good luck to you
The program I use today, is working. I'm happy with that. What works for one, doesn't always work for another.
Good luck to you
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I felt that way abotu AA for a long time...
until I'd gone back out and resisted and experienced enough pitfalls to realize that I was exactly like "those people".... and that unless and until I accepted it, I would only become more and more and more "like those people".
I believe I can probably stay sober without AA.... but AA helps me make my sobriety a lot better, richer and easier.
until I'd gone back out and resisted and experienced enough pitfalls to realize that I was exactly like "those people".... and that unless and until I accepted it, I would only become more and more and more "like those people".
I believe I can probably stay sober without AA.... but AA helps me make my sobriety a lot better, richer and easier.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Just a quick question if you're drinking just fine why are you at a meeting?
I never had a drinking problem just a stopping problem.
AA has never claimed to be the only way to get sober.
I no longer go to a meeting because I have an urge to drink. I go to aa to offer support for the people still struggling to get sober.
I never had a drinking problem just a stopping problem.
AA has never claimed to be the only way to get sober.
I no longer go to a meeting because I have an urge to drink. I go to aa to offer support for the people still struggling to get sober.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I've been sober for over a year without AA, but everyone is different. I use SR as my main recovery/support group.
I'd say make sure your perceived fear/shame/defiance of AA isn't merely your alcoholic voice/addiction trying to tell you that you don't have a problem. It's very well documented on a daily basis here that if you don't follow your plan or program daily, you will most likely fail. That applies to any method or sobriety plan, not just AA.
I'd say make sure your perceived fear/shame/defiance of AA isn't merely your alcoholic voice/addiction trying to tell you that you don't have a problem. It's very well documented on a daily basis here that if you don't follow your plan or program daily, you will most likely fail. That applies to any method or sobriety plan, not just AA.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: fl
Posts: 84
The idea of meetings doesn't appeal to me. I like this forum because I can choose whose stories to read. I find it helpful to find people's stories that are similar to mine. I am also lucky to have a support system at home.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Yes, people can stay sober without AA. The question is, can you?
It's great if you can find a recovery method that works. Please don't reduce your chances of success by front loading your plan with what you won't do.
Furthermore, for those that use AA, it's not the meetings keeping them sober, it's working the program of AA, which is the 12 steps.
It's great if you can find a recovery method that works. Please don't reduce your chances of success by front loading your plan with what you won't do.
Furthermore, for those that use AA, it's not the meetings keeping them sober, it's working the program of AA, which is the 12 steps.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 552
I understand what you mean. You said it makes you FEEL defiant and think things LIKE- "I can drink." I know you don't really think that, but you were explaining the attitude that it inspires in you- which I understand. I also appreciate you being honest about it!
I am not an AA "goer" or an advocate. BUT- I will go to meetings. I have a meeting book with every single meeting in my area highlighted, for every single day/time of the week. I keep it with me. For me, it's always there if I need it. I have promised myself that before I EVER take a drink, I WILL go to a meeting. (There's nothing in my area besides AA, or I'd go there too.) For me, it's a safety net. They say "take what you like and leave the rest"- so this is my version of that. :-)
If you're really having a hard time with the meeting you've been going to, but are still interested in persuing AA- try some other meetings!! Meetings are ALL SOOOO different. It won't hurt anything! I tend to avoid BB, 12, and BB12 meetings as they are SOMETIMES a little "spiritually" heavy handed for me personally. But, some people find that helpful and I think that's great. (Also, there are a lot of really beautiful churches in MA- I google the churches sometimes, and go to the prettiest/oldest ones and soak up the architecture if nothing else. :-))
Some AA goers don't like my particular approach to the program, and that's okay. My sobriety is mine, and they have theirs. Live and let live, it's all good, no worries, etc. I'd be very wary if I caught myself judging anyone else's program (aa or not) or person, in general- but ESPECIALLY if it somehow served to justify my ability/willingness to drink. For me, that thinking doesn't point so much to a flaw in any particular program, but would point more to flawed thinking on my part... It may be distracting you from what's really important- staying sober. If that's what you really want, try not to compare yourself to others. Do what's best for you. There are lots of different recovery models to look into. If you're disregarding ALL of them because "they suck" etc, you may want to look inward a bit.
Sending my best!
I am not an AA "goer" or an advocate. BUT- I will go to meetings. I have a meeting book with every single meeting in my area highlighted, for every single day/time of the week. I keep it with me. For me, it's always there if I need it. I have promised myself that before I EVER take a drink, I WILL go to a meeting. (There's nothing in my area besides AA, or I'd go there too.) For me, it's a safety net. They say "take what you like and leave the rest"- so this is my version of that. :-)
If you're really having a hard time with the meeting you've been going to, but are still interested in persuing AA- try some other meetings!! Meetings are ALL SOOOO different. It won't hurt anything! I tend to avoid BB, 12, and BB12 meetings as they are SOMETIMES a little "spiritually" heavy handed for me personally. But, some people find that helpful and I think that's great. (Also, there are a lot of really beautiful churches in MA- I google the churches sometimes, and go to the prettiest/oldest ones and soak up the architecture if nothing else. :-))
Some AA goers don't like my particular approach to the program, and that's okay. My sobriety is mine, and they have theirs. Live and let live, it's all good, no worries, etc. I'd be very wary if I caught myself judging anyone else's program (aa or not) or person, in general- but ESPECIALLY if it somehow served to justify my ability/willingness to drink. For me, that thinking doesn't point so much to a flaw in any particular program, but would point more to flawed thinking on my part... It may be distracting you from what's really important- staying sober. If that's what you really want, try not to compare yourself to others. Do what's best for you. There are lots of different recovery models to look into. If you're disregarding ALL of them because "they suck" etc, you may want to look inward a bit.
Sending my best!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Originally Posted by lucygoose 
I don't know about any of you but I always feel so much shame going to meetings. I feel defiant afterwards. Like these people aren't me! I can drink fine. It actually is so personal that I can't handle it. Is this normal? People who know you won't completely keep it to themselves. It's such a personal thing. Support is fine but it almost seems invasive. It touches me to the core and I want to run for the hills...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 316
Thank you all-
I've always felt so much pressure to go to meetings. It takes away from time spent with my kids and homework. Female only meetings might be okay but there aren't any close by. No offense boys! But you can be a distraction:-)
I get into this thing where I say I've never blacked out or even passed out BUT I've drank practically every night for 20 years and 1 beer is never enough. But the next drink is always on my mind....
It affects my energy level and health on so many levels. I stopped for 3 months, lost weight but got back into it. My spouse is much worse than I am and I gave up!
How can I keep my sobriety when I see him using and abusing? It's devastating.
I don't want to blame someone else for my going back to drinking, but it sucks when you wake up to someone else who smokes pot and drinks all the time. He's trying to get sober, but he says I can't trust him when it comes to his drinking.
Anyone else have a spouse who also uses? How do you separate yourself and remain close? I've always felt that if I stay sober and he keeps using we will eventually grow apart.....it was easier to just drink with him.
I've always felt so much pressure to go to meetings. It takes away from time spent with my kids and homework. Female only meetings might be okay but there aren't any close by. No offense boys! But you can be a distraction:-)
I get into this thing where I say I've never blacked out or even passed out BUT I've drank practically every night for 20 years and 1 beer is never enough. But the next drink is always on my mind....
It affects my energy level and health on so many levels. I stopped for 3 months, lost weight but got back into it. My spouse is much worse than I am and I gave up!
How can I keep my sobriety when I see him using and abusing? It's devastating.
I don't want to blame someone else for my going back to drinking, but it sucks when you wake up to someone else who smokes pot and drinks all the time. He's trying to get sober, but he says I can't trust him when it comes to his drinking.
Anyone else have a spouse who also uses? How do you separate yourself and remain close? I've always felt that if I stay sober and he keeps using we will eventually grow apart.....it was easier to just drink with him.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Originally Posted by lucygoose
Thank you all-
I've always felt so much pressure to go to meetings. It takes away from time spent with my kids and homework. Female only meetings might be okay but there aren't any close by. No offense boys! But you can be a distraction:-)
I get into this thing where I say I've never blacked out or even passed out BUT I've drank practically every night for 20 years and 1 beer is never enough. But the next drink is always on my mind....
It affects my energy level and health on so many levels. I stopped for 3 months, lost weight but got back into it. My spouse is much worse than I am and I gave up!
How can I keep my sobriety when I see him using and abusing? It's devastating.
I don't want to blame someone else for my going back to drinking, but it sucks when you wake up to someone else who smokes pot and drinks all the time. He's trying to get sober, but he says I can't trust him when it comes to his drinking.
Anyone else have a spouse who also uses? How do you separate yourself and remain close? I've always felt that if I stay sober and he keeps using we will eventually grow apart.....it was easier to just drink with him.
I've always felt so much pressure to go to meetings. It takes away from time spent with my kids and homework. Female only meetings might be okay but there aren't any close by. No offense boys! But you can be a distraction:-)
I get into this thing where I say I've never blacked out or even passed out BUT I've drank practically every night for 20 years and 1 beer is never enough. But the next drink is always on my mind....
It affects my energy level and health on so many levels. I stopped for 3 months, lost weight but got back into it. My spouse is much worse than I am and I gave up!
How can I keep my sobriety when I see him using and abusing? It's devastating.
I don't want to blame someone else for my going back to drinking, but it sucks when you wake up to someone else who smokes pot and drinks all the time. He's trying to get sober, but he says I can't trust him when it comes to his drinking.
Anyone else have a spouse who also uses? How do you separate yourself and remain close? I've always felt that if I stay sober and he keeps using we will eventually grow apart.....it was easier to just drink with him.
You are really in a tough situation but choosing to continue to drink because he drinks doesn't seem like the choice to make; excess drinking is bad for you even if you aren't a "full-blown, raging" drinker. Believe me, I know; I don't know if I will ever completely undo the damage just 10 years of heavy drinking did to me. Try very hard not to make my mistake; stay sober; who knows, your husband may follow suit - just don't follow him down that dark, dangerous and lonely hole. You may have very difficult decisions ahead but those decisions are much better and easier made when mentally and physically healthy - not to mention that you will be better able to help him through his own struggles if you are healthy and sober. Stick with it; stick with us; we are here for you.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by lucygoose
I don't know about any of you but I always feel so much shame going to meetings. I feel defiant afterwards. Like these people aren't me!
It wasn't till after my last binge that I realized that you know what? I was exactly like them, I was no better than them.
When I went to daytox I learned about the variety of programs that are out there. I have also learned not to discount them as I did in the past, as there is not one program that I am going to agree with 100%.
Part of recovery for me has been to open my mind to any program that might help me in my journey. Even if it is a small part of the program that is helping me. I take what I need from these programs and leave the rest. Wasn't easy to do so I turned it around and asked myself would I open my mind to these programs if I was told I had to do them in order to keep drinking? And the answer was yes.
I am only speaking for me here, everyone's journey is very personal and very unique and people have to find a way that works for them. This is just what I have to do for me.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
